What Planet Are You From? Page #8

Why is it you pack what you need

where you can't get it?

Why are the aisles so narrow?

Do I look like f***ing Andy Rooney?

Get out of the way!

Excuse me.

Watch your back. Coming through.

Watch your back.

Excuse me. Coming through.

No, no, I'm okay.

I don't need anything.

Just a mild sedative.

It'll help keep you calm

while you recuperate.

I know you've had some bad news, and

believe me, I hate to give you more.

We believe that your husband

has taken the baby.

We've contacted the authorities.

I'm fired?

- You're just taking your sabbatical.

- That will bring you to retirement.

So I'm fired.

No, you're taking a sabbatical,

and then you're retiring.

I saw him walk into the lavatory.

When I opened the door, he was gone.

Are you aware of what you're saying?

Just enjoy your time off.

Rest.

Bastard. Bastard!

I have to go buy

a remote control for the TV set.

Don't let me stop you.

Have a wonderful time.

I want to shop for baby clothes,

but we won't worry about that.

The baby can go naked

the first year of its life. Go.

Go.

So I go?

No, you don't go.

See, that's the interesting thing.

But she told me to go.

There's a whole layer here

you're missing.

Now you know what I had to deal with.

Take your seat.

This isn't easy,

so don't beat yourself up over it.

What does that mean?

Just sit down.

I've...

...reprogrammed the computer

to more accurately represent...

...what you'll deal with on Earth.

If you look for an overriding

logic or rationality...

...remember it's Earth

we're dealing with.

- I guess you don't like my friends.

- I like them.

You barely acknowledged them.

What's wrong with you?

If you don't talk,

how will I know what's wrong?

You gotta open up.

You gotta communica...

I guess you don't like my friends.

You barely acknowledged them.

What's wrong with you?

If you don't talk,

how will I know what's wrong?

I mean, you've gotta com...

It goes on and on like that for hours.

Human relationships are filled

with conflict.

The whole planet is filled with

conflict, which isn't a bad thing.

Through conflict

we learn about ourselves.

I don't understand this.

Questions?

I see some confused faces.

You see...

...on our planet,

we have no emotion or conflicts...

...so we've never had

to look inward at ourselves.

That helped us become a technological,

intellectual force in the universe...

...but I really think it's a dead end.

To be honest with you, I question

why we're taking over Earth.

Why make them like us, when

in fact we can learn from them?

And they can remind us

of who we were before...

Excuse me.

Why does Graydon want to see me?

If you don't talk to me,

I won't know what's wrong.

Hey, my baby! That's my baby.

Wait a minute.

What's my baby doing here? Stop.

Wait a minute. Stop!

You can't pollute the others.

- Why's my son here?

- You're raising your voice.

You bet I am.

You never told me you'd take the baby.

Did you tell anyone who you were

and why you were there?

- A woman in a bar.

- We took care of her.

Anyone else?

Anyone you told will be disposed of.

Why are we taking over Earth?

How much do we need?

Is that what it's about? More?

I'm sending you

to the purification centre.

Take him. I don't want him to

remember his time there or the baby.

Get out of my way!

Get back! Put your weapons down.

Put your weapons down.

You're scaring the baby.

See? See what you did? I told you

you were scaring the baby.

Turn that thing off!

Turn it off? You're the one who

got it started. You turn it off.

Turn it off.

This thing will blow.

That's what they do.

This is how it starts. It gets worse

and worse, and then they explode.

There'll be baby all over the place.

That's my boy.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Just please let me know

as soon as you hear anything.

Somebody spotted a man in Michigan.

Matches Harold's description,

and he was carrying a baby.

Hi.

Hi, Liz. Alison.

- He's fine.

- You bastard!

He's fine.

Oh, God.

Do you have any idea...

...what I've been through

in the last two days? Any clue?

I'm sure it's been awful.

That's why I brought him back.

How could you take him?

How could you do this?

- How, Harold?

- I didn't.

- Then who did?

- Not me.

Why would I expect you to tell

the truth at this point?

How sick am I?

Would you take him?

I'll be right there.

I have to know

how you could do this to me.

- How, Harold?

- I'll tell you the truth.

- All right.

- I will.

I can wait. Go ahead.

I'm an alien from another planet.

I was sent here to impregnate

a woman, then go back.

Graydon, the leader, came

and took the baby without telling me.

So I stole the baby back.

And now I'm here.

Is there any way we can start over?

Is there a history of

mental illness in your family?

I care about you.

- Our son should be with his mother.

- This is my son.

This is my son. This is not our son.

There's no "us" anymore,

so there can't be any "our. "

I'm calling the police now.

- I can prove I'm an alien.

- Really?

I can make a bright light

come out of my nose.

That must be handy when

you can't find a flashlight.

I can show you. Or you can take

my word for it and trust me.

Trust you?

Trust you?

I should trust a man that...

I thought I did

everything right this time.

But no, I married an alien

from another planet.

I could never give you

what you want. I'm not human.

I could never understand what love is.

I hope, as time goes by,

you'll be able to forgive me.

Goodbye.

Well, well, well, I was right.

I wasn't crazy. I was right.

Congratulations.

- My wife didn't believe me.

- Mine didn't believe me either.

Don't get me started.

What will you do now? Take me in?

To where? My bosses fired me.

I could give a rat's ass about them.

I had to know the truth for me.

As a man.

I hear you.

What was the plan?

World domination, right?

- Isn't it always?

- Tell me about it.

I'm really in Dutch with the wife

about this whole deal.

If you show her that nose-light thing,

it'd get me out of the doghouse.

- My pleasure.

- Great. Let's go.

No one's going anywhere.

- Who's this guy?

- This is the leader of my planet.

No sh*t.

You've placed us in a very

difficult position. Come with me.

I don't know what

your thing is with him...

...but he's gotta go

see my wife first, okay?

You appear intelligent, but when you

open your mouth, the effect is spoiled.

You might want to drop that.

Fool. I have a highly evolved brain

that can block intense pain...

...and also heal any injury

within a matter of seconds.

You cannot hurt me.

I had a feeling that heal-any-injury

thing was bullshit.

- Who's that?

- Graydon, the leader of my planet.

- Is he dead?

- Yeah. He just killed him.

I have to talk to you about something.

I should probably run along.

I was just wondering if

it'd be okay if, you know...

Can I have him?

I don't see why not.

Excuse me.

Great. Nice meeting both of you.

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