Whatever It Takes Page #2

Ryan, your mom's heading this way.

Cosmo, get your hand off the friggin' dick!

Don't worry, I'll take care of... Hey girls!

Who are your friends?

You know Brian.

That's Ryan.

I think so. You're new, right?

No. I've been around.

Right! I've seen you.

Where you been, C-man?

With Brian.

That's Ryan. That's me.

Do you know about the party?

Ashley Grant's, 9:00. Be there!

Bye, Brian.

Bye, Brian.

Bye, Brian.

Hey, bring someone.

Good hanging with you guys.

Wait up.

Good going, Brian!

I've got to go find Maggie!

Sweet. We've got ourselves an occasion!

The things I do for you.

You realise, we're going to be | the biggest idiots in there.

Over here, thanks, Dad!

No, we won't.

Excuse my tardiness. I had to kill a man.

Cosmo, what the hell are you wearing?

Floyd said to dress up.

- I look good, right? | - Yeah.

Smells like teen spirit. Great!

Is this what you had in mind?

Yes.

Darn! That's what I was going to wear.

Care to dance?

Go ahead.

That's okay.

Why not?

He's got to take a sh*t.

Ashley, I have... I don't know what...

What's he all dressed up for?

His mom died.

Earlier today.

Ladies! Sit tight!

So, she says, "True or false?" | I said, "Hello! News flash!

"If you have to ask, false! " | She's such a liar.

So the liar.

Then she said, | "I can't believe you're acting like this! "

And I said, "I can't believe | you're dressing like this! "

- Marnie, is that my dress? | - No.

She knows you're here. She wants to talk. | It's all good.

I'm on this.

Sloane got drunk and made out | with that hairy guy.

You're lyingI

You know you made out with him.

Whatever, Marnie.

Ashley?

Hi.

Did you get my e-mail?

Oh my God! Was that you?

Yeah.

Hey.

Hey.

Did you get my words?

Poetry. Didn't know you had it in you.

A little surprise. You liked it? | Pretty freaky stuff.

Get you hot?

What?

Hey, Chris.

Thanks for your help.

Yeah, like Carter really liked your crap. | You see what happened?

People saw that.

Damn man, you're too cocky!

- What? | - I saw you groping her.

No matter what I write, | Maggie won't go for that.

She volunteers at a nursing home!

Why?

That's what I'm talking about.

Grant isn't exactly all hot for you either.

That's great. You know, the idea was, | "Ryan impresses Ashley. "

Not, "Ryan depresses Ashley. "

Ryan gets pickle in Ashley. | Not Ashley gets Ryan in a pickle!

Look man, chicks dig a**holes!

I mean...

...check out Stu and Harris.

They're both going to get laid tonight.

Come on, I'll show you. Let's find Ashley.

Remember grade school when you | always picked on the girl you liked?

It's kind of like that.

I mean, some girls are just insecure.

You're saying Ashley Grant is insecure?

She's the head cheerleader of insecurity.

If I treat her bad, she'll go for it?

Absolutely!

Come on, that doesn't make any sense.

You dated how many of these girls?

That's what I thought.

Now check out Grant.

Simple question:

Do you want her or not?

- Well, yeah! | - Okay.

There you go. Now you're in the game.

You a**hole!

I got something for you!

Forget it. I'm out of here.

How could you have done this? | This was cashmere!

How could you do that?

Because I'm an a**hole?

- Move, jerk. | - A**hole!

What are you doing? | Those chicks were digging us!

You want to see the rest of the house?

This isn't working.

Sure it is.

Grant asked me about 20 times | if the e-mail guy was right about her hair.

Even if everything you said is true, | I don't want to be mean to her.

Right! Seeing how she's so sweet to you.

You know what Ashley said to me tonight?

She's looking for something special.

I can get you there. | You can be that guy for her.

You just have to help me be | that guy for Maggie.

I thought I was being abducted.

How come you bagged on the party?

I had better things to do, like sleep. | You should try it.

- I talked to Chris Campbell. | - I bet that was educational.

It was. He's not that bad, | once you get past the jock stuff.

He asked about you.

I got some goofy e-mail from him.

You didn't like it?

- Did you write him back? | - Be serious.

Why not? | You haven't been on a date in forever!

Do you think I enjoy asking you | to the prom?

Hanging with you | and the guys every weekend?

- I thought you liked hanging out with us. | - Some weekends, okay? Some!

E- mail him. Why not send him | the famous Maggie Carter Soul Quiz?

- That'll be good for a laugh. | - Maybe!

- Good night. | - But maybe he'll ace it.

And you won't have to spend | another miserable weekend with me.

You know what I meant.

Yeah, I know.

- Good morning. | - What's up?

- You guys get dressed in the dark? | - It's Mismatch Day.

Maybe I should go home and change.

You and Ashley Grant, | that's your mismatch, buddy.

- Opposites do attract. | - Thanks, Cosmo.

Probably not that opposite.

Brian, Carter sent me this midterm, | with questions.

I know, it's the Soul Quiz. | It's movies, books, music.

- You pass that, you're a new man. | - Famous.

There is one small hitch. | You do realise Ashley Grant hates me.

Clear the pool!

She doesn't hate you. | She's confused by you.

She's trying to act like she doesn't care.

But believe me Brian, | she cares more than you think.

She just can't figure you out. | It's driving her nuts.

You're this new guy "Brian," | who's not into her for some reason.

But I'm not Brian.

- Hey, Brian. | - Hi, Brian.

Hi.

There they are!

- Step off. | - What a dufus.

You girls are hot.

What's up?

Who's the gerbil?

I'm Floyd. You know, Ryan's friend. | Now, the chicks want me, so...

Come on, you got a Soul Quiz to take.

- Do you want to see what I'm writing? | - No. Just make me look good.

Not too cocky.

Is everything okay?

The last book he read was Nine Stories.

Salinger. Wow.

It gets worse. The Beastie Boys, | the Eels, and old Cheap Trick.

He aced it!

Movies?

Stripes, Casablanca, | and anything by Monty Python.

- That's great! | - No, it's not.

It's horrible. Chris Campbell.

- Maggie, it's not that bad. | - Not that bad? He's gorgeous.

What am I going to do?

- You mean after tonight's double date? | - Not a chance.

Why not?

Because as far as I can see, | there's nothing special about this person.

- That's what he said about you. | - He did not.

I'm serious. He said those things. | He really likes you.

It's just one date.

Trust me.

Trust me.

Hello?

When any chick goes on a talk show | with their fiance...

...and has a deep secret, | has it ever been anything other than...

..."I'm really a man. " I mean, seriously!

Your fiance invites you on TV to tell | you something, she's packing sausage.

- Come on, man, I got to get ready. | - That's why I'm calling. Be careful tonight.

Pat her down before you get in the car.

Just be sure.

- Hold on, I got another call. | - So what? Let it go.

- It might be Chris. | - Inbreed.

I'm sorry, Ryan, I can't do this. | I'm calling Chris.

What? Maggie, you have to.

- It just doesn't feel right. | - What doesn't feel right?

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