![Find Whatever Works on Amazon](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BMTU2NTA4NzgyNl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNzEzMjQ1Mg@@._V1_SX300.jpg)
Whatever Works Page #6
Everything led to a dead end.
Howwe worried. I developed
crow's feet from the worrying.
Now look here. I had a little work done.
Mother, I left you a letter.
I told you I'd be all right.
Melody SaintAnne, I'd
hardly call this all right!
Well, what's wrong with it?
What's wrong? What's
happened to your senses?
Everything's wrong. You're
living like a sharecropper.
But it's clean as a whistle.
You clean? You don't have a woman?
Boris can't really afford help.
- Who?
- Boris.
- Who's Boris?
- My husband.
- What?
- That's right, Mama, I got married.
- And he's taken you to live here?
- No, no, I moved in with him.
I have to have a drink.
I need to sit. I need an anesthetic.
Okay, okay, have a seat. We
don't have any bourbon or nothing.
Just bring me the drink with the
highest volume of alcohol you have.
You know, Mama, I'm kind of happy.
Kind of happy?
You leave a loving home in Eden,
run offwith some crazy kid, I'm
guessing he's a rock musician
who can't earn a respectable
living, and you wind up
in this decadent city,
living in a rattrap.
This is exactly why I ran away.
Why, why, Miss Sweet Pea? Why
did you forsake your loving home?
Because, Mama, you're...
You're overbearing. That's
it. You're overbearing
and you fail to see the big picture.
What big picture are you talking about?
I don't know.
All I know is that nothing moves
faster than the speed of light,
so you may as well relax.
I'm just gonna have a
little moment of prayer.
in that Christian superstition?
Happy birthday to you
What's that?
That's Boris.
It's his birthday?
No, he'sjustwashing his hands.
Happy birthday, dear
Who's this?
Boris, this is my mother.
Mother, my husband.
Mama! Mama!
Walk her around, she's
obviously a boozehound.
Mama, are you all right?
- Did he drug you?
- What?
- Are you on sodium pentothal?
- No.
That's what they do,
the secular humanists.
It's uncanny. She's exactly
the kind of moron you described.
You are not the
gentleman I was expecting.
I'm sure not. I'm sure you'd be happy
if she married the guy who caught the
biggest catfish in Plaquemines County.
I'd be happier if she
married the catfish.
No, you see, Mama,
Boris is a genius. Okay?
He doesn't have a lot of
patience for us inchworms.
- We, we inchworms.
- We.
Some genius.
I was almost nominated
for a Nobel Prize.
That's right, Boris. And whatwas
it for again? Best Picture?
I need more booze.
You know, you never
Oh, Melody. I have a
sad tale to tell you.
What happened, Mama?
Your father left me.
- Aren't you shocked?
- No.
And with who, of all people?
- My best friend, Mandy.
- Your best friend, Mandy.
- How did you know?
- Oh, Mama.
Itwas as plain as the nose
on your face. Clich, sorry.
was acting peculiar,
because things was going
so bad for us, darling.
How often did you have intercourse?
Are you going to close
that insulting mouth?
By bad, I mean he lost a lot of money
in the stock market afteryou left
and we were forced to sell the house.
- You sold the house?
- I'm sorry, yes. We took a beating,
because we were so desperate.
And then he lost hisjob, the
company went out of business.
And then we spent all our
savings on medical bills,
'cause I came down with
a case of the shingles!
- Oh, my God.
- Christ, this is like Job. No locusts?
Darling, I turned to Jesus in a
deeperway than I had ever done in my life.
I prayed and I prayed,
every day and every night,
asking God to help me.
Let me guess what happened,
your shingles gotworse.
I said, "Lord, just give me one sign
that all my suffering is for a purpose. "
I said, "Please, God,
just say something. "
"Break your silence. I
can't take any more misery!"
Nothing, right? And all that money
you put in the tin box every Sunday.
Abortion is murder, that's
the long and short of it.
- That's how I feel. Well...
- Even if the woman is raped?
Why are you wasting
your breath, Brockman?
You're dealing with an aborigine.
You don't mind killing the unborn,
butwhen some fiend
has raped and murdered,
that big old injection?
Well, not me, Mr. Genius, and I don't
care how many Academy Awards you've won.
I've neverwon an Academy Award and
I've never played for the Yankees!
- Where's the little girl's? Thank you.
- It's back there.
Don't forget to sing The
Star-Spangled Bannerbeforeyou sit.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
I realize this is forward, butwho's
that beautiful young girl you're with?
May I ask why you want to know?
Well, because she's very beautiful.
And I'm assuming she's your daughter?
What did you say your name was, darling?
- Randy. Randy Lee James.
- Randy Lee James.
Nice to meet you.
It's too good. I think they're
putting mayonnaise in here.
- No, they can't put mayonnaise in hummus.
- Hello.
Oh, thank you.
- Who were you talking to?
- I wasn't talking to anybody. Nobody.
Listen, listen, I want
to go someplace fun.
Take me someplace fun!
It's NewYork! Let's go.
Boris, where can I take her that's fun?
How about the Holocaust Museum?
- Oh, for God's sake, Boris.
- No.
- Oh, the wax! The wax figures.
- Oh, yes.
- Yes, yes, let's go. Come on.
- Let's do that.
- Itwas so nice to meet you, Leo.
- You, too. Have a nice day.
- Bye. Bye, bye.
- Bye.
Have fun!
You know, I have to say, even with
a textbook right-wing mentality,
your mother-in-law has
beautifully shaped breasts.
You know, you're a man of learning,
of cultivation of aesthetic sensibility.
This is what you take away
from the school-prayer hokum
and "my country right
orwrong"? Her bosom?
It's notjust her bosom. Her behind
is also beautifully contoured.
Well, I'm sure you'll have no
problem getting her into bed.
She's vulnerable, she's stupid
and she's been abandoned.
Personally, I lose
all erotic inclination
when the woman's a member of
the National Rifle Association.
It's pear-shaped.
Degas used to distinguish between an
apple-shaped behind and pear-shaped.
And I'm a big fruit eater.
- Melody.
- That's so weird.
Oh, my God. Oh, hello.
- They're made out of real wax, too.
- Oh, it's Billy. Billy...
Billy Graham!
Oh, sweet pea, sweet pea, this is the
kind of man you should be married to,
not that Communist who
sings Happy Birthday
every time he washes his hands.
How long are you staying, Mom?
Honey, I don't knowwhere else to go.
I have nothing to hold onto.
Nothing! I have to have something.
I mean, I'm never going to attract
a man again, but you can. Yes.
I don'twant to get in an argument.
Honey, I met a young man
today who is perfect foryou.
- Mom!
- Yes. Listen to me.
He is talented, handsome, sweet,
and he has the proper reverence
for life and its higher purpose.
What are you talking about?
Translation
Translate and read this script in other languages:
Select another language:
- - Select -
- 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
- 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
- Español (Spanish)
- Esperanto (Esperanto)
- 日本語 (Japanese)
- Português (Portuguese)
- Deutsch (German)
- العربية (Arabic)
- Français (French)
- Русский (Russian)
- ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
- 한국어 (Korean)
- עברית (Hebrew)
- Gaeilge (Irish)
- Українська (Ukrainian)
- اردو (Urdu)
- Magyar (Hungarian)
- मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
- Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Italiano (Italian)
- தமிழ் (Tamil)
- Türkçe (Turkish)
- తెలుగు (Telugu)
- ภาษาไทย (Thai)
- Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
- Čeština (Czech)
- Polski (Polish)
- Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Românește (Romanian)
- Nederlands (Dutch)
- Ελληνικά (Greek)
- Latinum (Latin)
- Svenska (Swedish)
- Dansk (Danish)
- Suomi (Finnish)
- فارسی (Persian)
- ייִדיש (Yiddish)
- հայերեն (Armenian)
- Norsk (Norwegian)
- English (English)
Citation
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
Style:MLAChicagoAPA
"Whatever Works" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/whatever_works_23303>.
Discuss this script with the community:
Report Comment
We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.
If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly.
Attachment
You need to be logged in to favorite.
Log In