Whatever Works Page #7
Face it, Melody, Boris is
not like a real husband.
He's more of an outpatient
and you're his keeper.
I really wish you hadn't showed up, Mom.
- His name is Randy Lee James.
- Who?
This delightful young actor. He
fell in love with you at first sight.
- He did. He did.
- Mom, I'm married!
I refuse to recognize it. What are
you doing with a gimpy chess bum
who has to sleep with the light
on? How'd he get that limp?
He jumped out the window
and his suicide didn'twork.
Well, you can'twin
them all. Now, listen,
I have a good lawyer who
can get all ofthis annulled.
- All of it. Yes. Yes.
- No, no, Mom, no, you're crazy!
Oh, hello.
Happy birthday, dear
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, dear Boris
Happy birthday to you
- Who could be calling at midnight?
- Could be burglars, casing the place.
- To steal what? Your Flomax?
- Hello?
Oh, hi.
Yeah, just a second.
- It's for me?
- Yes.
Don't give away any
information about me!
Hello? Oh, hello, Leo.
- It's Leo Brockman.
- Brockman?
Really?
Well, that sounds wonderful.
Well, yeah, Sunday's fine. Yeah.
Okay. Yeah. See you, darling.
"See you, darling"? "See you,
darling"? Oh, God, poor Brockman!
Good night, y'all.
I'm going to say my prayers.
I'm praying Brockman has herpes.
Thatwas so wonderful! I never in my
life saw a movie in Japanese before.
- Did you like it?
- Oh, yes!
I've never seen a movie
made by a foreigner.
John, my husband, took me to see
stupid movies, which was all there was.
How do you say this? "Chateau" what?
Meyney.
- The what?
- Meyney.
- Meyney?
- Yeah.
- It is so delicious.
- I'm glad you like it.
What do you do? What do you do, Leo?
I teach philosophy at the
university around the corner.
Tell me something. Is
Boris really a genius?
There was a time when he
was a very fine physicist.
Yeah, your daughter's very good for Boris.
It's my theory that she keeps him going.
Would you like to see some
pretty pictures of Melody?
Goodness.
- Well, all right.
- Okay.
Look, here they are. Look at these.
Right there, that's
where she is Miss Natchez.
- Wow.
- Look at her. And she was Miss Tupelo.
Oh, God! Look how gorgeous she is! She's
so beautiful. I love her! I love her!
- Very lovely.
- I was so proud of her.
These pictures are kind of interesting.
I know! She'sjust gorgeous!
And she has this...
She'sjust my little sweet pea.
I mean the photos. Did you take them?
- Yes. Yes.
- And this?
That's our house. Well,
itwas. Is there more wine?
Yeah. You took all these?
Yes, with my little old Kodak.
These are outstanding. I mean, there's
such a sense oftexture and composition.
In these? No.
No, I mean it. I knowwhat
I'm talking about.
I occasionally write about
the aesthetics of photography.
Oh, my God. I have
to tell you something.
Aside from Melody's career, there is
nothing, nothing in the whole world
that gave me more pleasure
than taking those snapshots.
Of course, John... Cheers. John
hated them and didn'twant me to do it.
- Why?
- Well,
he actually was fine, and
then I set up this darkroom
and he thought I was, like,
squandering all this time on silliness
and I guess he had a point, but...
I mean, nowadays, who
uses a Kodak anymore?
It's a little Kodak, and I have
to tell you something, it is...
It is so simple to use. It's tiny!
I picked it up at, like, a garage sale
and itjust is so much better
No, they're pretty good. They've got a real
haunting quality. They're very primitive.
I really think you should talk
to my friend Al Morgenstern.
He runs a photography gallery.
- Why?
- Have you got more ofthese?
Oh, Lord, yes. You know, all
my travels with the pageants.
I have the kids and the towns
and the winners. And the losers!
The losers are the best. And
then I have all these show folk,
the twirlers, the magicians, the fire
eaters, you know, things like that.
They're amazing. They've
got such an original quality.
I'll talk to Al first
thing in the morning.
Oh, no. You know, I think
you're making too much
over a little gift the
good Lord Jesus gave me.
That's not the only gift He gave you.
You know those clean-cut, churchgoing
young men, who are model kids,
and good to their neighbors
and quote the Bible,
and never do a wrong
thing, and then one day,
forwhatever reason,
they grab a rifle, go to a tower
and pick off everyone in town?
Okay, this is her, but sexually.
She sleptwith Leo Brockman,
never having been to bed with
anyone before but her husband,
and suddenly, the genie
was out ofthe bottle!
She liked sleeping with Brockman, and she
liked sleeping with Brockman's friends,
Brockman's acquaintances, Brockman's
acquaintances' acquaintances.
Brcckman took her photos to
Morgenstern. He loved them.
He decided to show them in his gallect.
When he did, evectone thought they
were great. A brilliant primitive.
Soon Morgenstern would
become smitten with her.
First she moved in with Brcckman.
Then she moved in with Morgenstern.
Then she moved in with
Brcckman and Morgenstern.
She started dabbling with collages.
Small ones at first, but
She started dressing differently.
Soon all her deep-rooted beliefs went
right down the toilet, where they belonged.
She experimented with exotic
pleasures. A new Marietta was born.
The one thing that remained
constant, she hated her son-in-law.
- Well, there's some pictures over there.
- Yes, maybe that. Okay.
- What do you think, Mom? - I'm not
sure, you know, it's for this collage,
and I've had this vision in black
and white of nude men, women,
body parts, squares.
That sounds confusing.
- Well, it's an homage to lust. Yeah.
- To lust.
Excuse me.
Hi, I need a female opinion.
Which ofthese two would a young
woman prefer? I can't decide.
I don't know. They're both so beautiful.
It depends. What type is she?
Well, she's quite young
and very lovely-looking.
Blonde hair. Blue eyes.
Yeah, butwhat's she like?
Well, okay. She's from the South,
although she lives here in NewYork now.
- Really?
- Yeah.
And she's a nanny. I mean,
well, to tell you the truth,
she's actually living with some man.
I mean, they're married, although
he's not the best she can do.
And she thinks she loves
him, but it's only because
she mistakes his pessimistic
despair forwisdom,
believing he's a genius.
I'd say she's more of a nurse to him than
a wife, because he's much older than she is.
That sounds so familiar.
I just can't... I can't
put my finger on it.
- It's sort of like mine, actually. Yeah.
- It is?
I mean, not exactly, but I can't
help but seeing some similarities.
- I'd say that one.
- Okay.
Here.
- Here what? For me?
- It's foryou.
Yes, I thought I'd buy
you something lovely.
Oh, no, I can't accept
a gift from a stranger.
- Well, why not?
- I'm married.
Yes, but it may not last forever.
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"Whatever Works" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/whatever_works_23303>.
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