When Hainan Meets Teochew Page #2

when you have diahrrea

You'll run out of toilet paper

Your whole body will be filled with sh*t!

How do you like this room?

Not bad. It's cozy

Someone used to stay here?

My ex

You two stayed in different rooms?

She wanted her own space

That's Meihui

You hooked up with a kid?

Why did both of you split up?

She found herself a new boyfriend

that's why we went our separate ways

Who's this then?

Your boyfriend?

Excuse me, I'm single!

He's my younger brother

Your younger brother?

Why do you have a picture of

your brother in your room?

He's dead

Sorry...

It was my fault

We were out one evening ten years ago

A group of hooligans picked on us

My brother got into a

brutal fight with them

and was killed

I'm the older sibling

but couldn't protect him

I'm useless

It's all over now

I should have been more of a man for him

but I wanted to be treated as a woman

Stop mulling over that

But if not for him, I would have become a

woman by now!

Stop!

Stop talking about it!

Come, I'll treat you to dinner

to celebrate your moving from a lecher's

apartment

into another lecher's apartment!

How dare you eat my bean curd?

I'll treat you to delicious bean curd!

Had a dream?

I had a nightmare

How about you?

I also had a nightmare

How coincidental

Yes, isn't it?

Back to sleep then!

"Mother has a problem with her spine"

"Mother has a problem with her spine"

"Her knee is affected too"

"Her knee is affected too"

"So she can't walk"

"So she can't walk"

"We'll take care of mother"

"We'll take care of mother"

"Hope mother recovers soon"

"Hope mother recovers soon"

Both your Hainanese is so awful

Our relatives will vomit

blood if they hear it!

Sis, how do you say 'first love" in

Hainanese?

"First love" is (gibberish)

Do you know what you're saying?

I'm a natural at this!

"Uncle is tall, auntie is short.

When he pees, she peeps"

Sis!

"I'm staying out tonight" is...

"Tonight no home..."

"no sleep..."

"no home sleep..."

"home sleep home..."

"You two are driving me to my grave!"

What's the time?

It's half past three

What is today's date?

Today's the ninth

How old am I?

Mother, you're sixty

How about you?

How old are you?

You had me when you were twenty

that makes me forty this year

You're so old already?

How old are your siblings?

Your son's thirty-three

Your daughter's twenty-eight

Mother, stop with your questions

Just rest

You have to take care of

your younger siblings

I'm the eldest. I'll take care of them

Who's taking care of you then?

I don't need to be taken care of

You're all by yourself...

Are you a man or woman?

I'm your daughter, mother

You're a woman living on your own

How can you not have anyone taking care of

you?

Don't worry about it.

I have someone taking care of me

Is it a he or she?

It's a guy

Really?

Really

I've been getting closer to a male friend

Bring him to meet me

It's not convenient

Bring him to meet me

He's busy with work, mother!

Bring him to meet me...

Boss

I have no other choice

You're just too good-looking!

Look at that bald patch...

You're still look handsome

You have a big paunch

You're still look handsome

You look like an uncle...

but still, you're handsome!

I know I look handsome

But this is not a matter

of how handsome I am

It's whether it makes sense

With my standards, why

would I fall for you?

Your mother wouldn't believe it

My mother's short-sighted,

she can't see well

But I can't get past myself!

Love is a magical thing

Either you have it or you don't

Anyone can tell at one glance

Boss, please just help me

Just give it a try

Bear with it and it'll be over in a flash

If your mother asks us to kiss

what do we do?

She won't, will she?

We'll be embarrassed when we meet in the

office

I'll think of you when I'm kissing my wife

I'll remember your tongue when I'm eating

duck's tongue

It'll be very tragic for me, you know?

Some things you just can't try

You are...

You are...

You are...

You are...

SH*T!

Will your mother be okay if she sees me?

Yes! Yes!

If your mother asks if I'm

your boyfriend or girlfriend

what will you say?

Can you dress more like a man

Talk more like a man

Style your hair more like a man?

Hello!

I cannot cut my hair!

Then can you change your clothes!

Dress normally

Don't be so stylish!

Hey, I'm a stylist

All my clothes are stylish

I don't have ordinary clothes

Then you can wear mine!

Yours?

Your clothes are not ordinary.

They're ugly!

Extraordinarily ugly!

You're so immature!

I'll be upset if I'm your mother

We haven't spoken in ten years

Your son doesn't act like a man

so it must hurt

But you're really hurting me by not

acknowledging me

Oh my god!

What are these?

You'll wear this out?

They're so old-fashioned

And these?

You dare to wear this?

They're hideous!

And what's this?

You'll wear this to Mother's grave?

She'll die again if she sees you in this!

This is my friend, Teochew...

Just call him Teochew

This is my brother, Don

and my sister, Sharon

Sis, are you bringing him to meet Mother?

Is there a problem?

Have you ever kissed my sister?

Have you ever touched her breasts?

Has my sister touched you there...

Hey! I'm not a prostitute!

You friend...

Teochew!

Do you know how to change light bulbs?

Did he pass you test?

I don't think so

Why not?

He's weird

How am I weird?

Just weird

Well, he don't look like a man, nor a woman

How could you say that?

Sis!

He won't do!

Mother will get a fright if she sees him!

I'm so mad at the both of you!

You two drive me up the wall!

They say you don't look like a man, nor a

woman!

How can you simply walk away?

You need to fend for yourself!

Have you forgotten what happened ten years

ago?

I'm not going to say it again!

You're my brother! Please act like a man!

I'm just trying to put Mother at ease

by bringing him to meet her!

Who cares if he's a man or a woman?

He's a man, you know?

Can you be more understanding?

Help me out a bit...

You say I don't look like a man or a woman!

Do you know that you sister and I can get

married!

We can apply for a flat together!

If we're not careful, I can even get her

pregnant!

I don't look like a man, nor a woman?

She's the one who don't look

like a man, nor a woman!

They said I don't look like a man or woman!

It must be out of spite because I'm

better-looking

Don't you agree?

Pa! I'm your son!

Won't you speak up for me

when others insult me?

What do I have to do?

I caused Ah Guang's death

Will you be happier if I'm dead?

I'll jump off this building

if you want me to!

I'm really sorry

I know they went too far

I've already scolded them

I'm really sorry

Don't talk about it!

Just thinking about it makes me angry!

How do you do, uncle?

You look as weird as I do

He won't speak to you

How can you be so sure?

Uncle, very few look as suave as you do

playing chess

How can this old man be suave?

He's suave!

Look!

He looks so fit!

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