When Harry Met Sally Page #3

I married Marjorie.

- Then you got a divorce.

- Right. Then I married Katie.

Another divorce.

Then a couple of years later at

Eddie Collecio's funeral, I ran into her.

I was with some girl

I don't even remember.

- Roberta.

- Right. Roberta.

But I couldn't take my eyes off you.

I remember I snuck over to her

and I said...

- What did I say?

- You said "What are you doin' after?"

Right. So I ditch Roberta, we go

for coffee, a month later we're married.

after our first marriage.

- I went through his pockets.

- Marie, why?

FIVE YEARS LATER

- You know what I found?

- No, what?

They just bought a dining-room table.

His wife just spent $1 ,600 on a table.

- Where?

- The point isn't where, Alice.

The point is he's never gonna leave her.

What else is new?

You've known this for two years.

You're right. I know you're right.

Can't you find someone single? When I

was single I knew lots of nice single men.

There must be someone.

Sally found someone.

Sally got the last good one.

- Joe and I broke up.

- What?

- When?

- Monday.

- You waited three days?

- Joe's available?

For God's sake, Marie, don't you

have feelings? She's obviously upset.

I'm not that upset.

We'd been growing apart for a while.

But you were a couple.

You had someone to go places with.

You had a date on national holidays!

I said to myself "You deserve

more than this. You're 31 ..."

- And the clock is ticking.

- No, it doesn't start to tick until you're 36.

God, you're in such great shape.

Well, I've had a few days

to get used to it, and I feel OK.

Good. Then you're ready.

- Really, Marie!

- Well, how else do you think you do it?

I've got the perfect guy.

I don't find him attractive, but you might.

She doesn't have a problem with chins.

- Marie, I'm not ready yet.

- But you just said you were over him.

I am over him,

but I'm in a mourning period.

- Who is it?

- Alex Anderson.

You fixed me up with him six years ago.

Sorry. God.

All right, wait. Here. Here we go.

- Ken Darman.

- He's been married for over a year.

Really?

Married.

- Wait. Wait, I got one.

- Look,

there is no point going out with someone

I might like if I met him at the right time,

but who right now would

just be a transitional man.

OK, but don't wait too long. Remember

what happened with David Warsaw?

His wife left him and everyone said "Give

him some time. Don't move in too fast."

Six months later he was dead.

Are you saying I should marry quickly

in case he's about to die?

At least you could say you were married.

I'm saying that the right man is out there.

If you don't grab him, someone else will,

and you'll spend your life knowing that

someone else is married to your husband.

Ten! Hut!

- When did this happen?

- Friday. Helen comes home from work

and she says "I don't know

if I wanna be married any more."

Like it's the institution. Nothing personal,

just something she's been thinking about.

I'm calm. I say "Why don't we take time to

think about it? Don't rush into anything."

- Yeah, right.

- Next day she says she's thought about it.

She wants a trial separation.

She just wants to try it.

But we can still date -

like this is supposed to cushion the blow.

I got married so I could stop dating,

so still dating is not a big incentive

since the last thing you wanna do

is date your wife, who should love you.

Which is what I'm saying to her,

when it occurs to me maybe she doesn't.

So I say to her

"Don't you love me any more?"

D'you know what she says?

"I don't know if I've ever loved you."

That's harsh. You don't

bounce back from that right away.

- Thanks, Jess.

- No, I'm a writer. I know dialogue.

That's particularly harsh.

Then she says someone in her office

is going to South America

and she can sublet his apartment.

I can't believe this. And the doorbell rings.

"I can sublet his apartment" - the words

still hang in the air like in a balloon...

- Like a cartoon.

- Right.

So I go to the door and there are moving

men there. Now I start to get suspicious.

I say "Helen, when did you call

these movers?" She doesn't say anything.

So I ask the movers

"When did this woman book you?"

And they're three huge guys. One with

a T-shirt saying "Don't f*** with Mr Zero."

So I said "Helen, when did you make this

arrangement?" She says "A week ago."

I said "You've known for a week

and you didn't tell me?"

And she says

"I didn't wanna ruin your birthday."

Mr Zero knew you were getting

a divorce a week before you?

- Mr Zero knew.

- I can't believe this!

- I haven't told you the bad part yet.

- What's worse than Mr Zero knowing?

It's all a lie.

She's in love with somebody else.

Some tax attorney.

- She moved in with him.

- How did you find out?

I followed her. Stood outside the building.

- That's so humiliating!

- Tell me about it.

And, you know, I knew. I knew that even

though we were happy, it was an illusion.

And that one day

she'd kick the sh*t outta me.

Marriages don't break up due to infidelity.

It's a symptom something else is wrong.

Oh, really?

Well, that symptom is f***ing my wife!

So I just happened to see

his American Express bill.

What do you mean

"just happened" to see it?

Well, he was shaving,

and there it was in his briefcase.

What if he came out and saw you?

You're missing the point.

I'm telling you what I found.

He just spent $1 20

on a new nightgown for his wife.

- I don't think he's ever gonna leave her.

- No one thinks he's ever gonna leave her.

You're right, you're right.

I know you're right.

Someone is staring at you

in Personal Growth.

I know him. You'd like him. He's married.

- Who is he?

- Harry Burns. He's a political consultant.

He's cute.

- You think he's cute?

- How do you know he's married?

Last time I saw him

he was getting married.

- When was that?

- Six years ago.

So he might not be married any more.

Also, he's obnoxious.

It's like in The Lady Vanishes, when she

says "You're the most obnoxious man",...

- "The most contemptible".

- ..then they fall madly in love.

- Also, he never remembers me.

- Sally Albright.

- Hi, Harry.

- I thought it was you.

It is. This is Marie.

Was Marie.

- How are you?

- Fine.

- How's Joe?

- Fine.

I hear he's fine.

- You're not with Joe any more?

- We just broke up.

I'm sorry. That's too bad.

Yeah. Well, you know.

Yeah.

So...

- What about you?

- I'm fine.

How's married life?

I'm getting a divorce.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

Yeah, well, what're you gonna do?

What happened with you guys?

When Joe and I started seeing each other

we wanted the same thing.

We didn't wanna get married because

every time anyone we knew got married

it ruined their relationship.

They practically never had sex again.

It's true. That's one of the secrets

that no one ever tells you.

I would sit with my girlfriends who have

kids... my one girlfriend with kids, Alice,

and she would complain about

how she and Gary never did it any more.

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