When Harry Tries to Marry Page #2

- Hey, who's the babe, man?

- Louis, come on.

Come on.

Her name is Nita Shah.

She's 22, studying to be an architect

like me, and the best part is,..

...she's crazy about children

and animals.

So are pedophiles and

sex offenders, man.

- Louis, l might be marrying her.

- What? When did all this happen?

- Recently.

- You know, you can't get married.

You're a virgin.

Can't hurt so bad.

Just count to three.

- Louis, this is insane.

- Son of a b*tch!

Dude, get me some ice

from the fridge, quick!

Jalapeos. My nuts are on fire,

And you bring me jalapeos?

lt was the only thing we had left

in the freezer.

- Thanks.

- Look, tonight, this date, l'm not going.

- No, you're going.

- l'm going to be married.

Then you've got nothing

to worry about, do you?

l mean, we're only meeting them to

choose a subject for a lousy...

...term paper.

- ln a bowling alley? Huh?

This is totally inappropriate.

Hey, just 'cause you order

your meal from the menu,..

...don't mean you still can't

check out the buffet.

Now relax. You'll be safe

in a bowling alley.

lt's well- lit.

ln your face!

- Shut up.

- Gutter ball!

You're supposed to hit the pins.

- Shut up!

- l think Louis is cute.

- Am l actually beating you?

Look at the score over there.

lt's because of my leg. Whenever...

- Hey. Hi, Theresa.

- Hi.

- How are you?

- Good. Thanks. Wow.

- Hi.

- How are you?

Handshakes.

Wow.

Show me?

Yeah.

But--

Give me a kiss for good luck.

For good luck.

Anyway, this one guy, was, like,

the blind date from hell.

Theresa, look, l don't

mean to sound offensive,..

...but l hope you don't think

this is a date.

Oh, no.

l'm too late, right?

'Cause you are going on

the ultimate blind date.

You may kiss the bride.

- Why are you mocking my beliefs?

- l'm just playing with you. Sorry.

- Theresa, an arranged marriage is a...

...sacred union between two people

who grow together in time,..

...not some sort of chance meeting,

okay?

lt works because of its process,

Not because somebody winked...

...at you online.

- Yeah. l got it.

Get a room.

You know, l can't believe those guys.

You're the one who told them to get

a room, Theresa.

Yeah, but i didn't think l was literally

gonna be sexiled from my own...

...apartment.

- Sexiled?

Yeah. lt's when your roommate exiles

you to engage in intense sexual...

...activities.

- l see.

Well, we've got the whole night

together, so better start thinking of...

...something to do.

Look, harry,

l want you to know that...

...l know that you're getting married,

And l respect that.

And l'm sorry that l got all weird on

you in the bowling alley.

lt's just--

- Maybe we should start over.

Hi. l'm Harry.

- Theresa.

- Pleased to meet you, Theresa.

- Listen, l gotta get goin'.

l'll go sit on my stoop or something.

- lt's kinda late, isn't it?

Will you be safe?

- lt's fine. l got my stun gun.

- Okay.

- l'll see you later.

Theresa.

You could always sleep with me.

l mean... Sorry.

l meant at my place. ln Louis's bed.

Of course.

- lt's okay.

l don't want to put you out.

Don't worry. l'm not putting out.

Come on.

Let's go.

Harry, could l borrow something

to sleep in?

Yeah, sure.

Pj's. l'll leave them right

outside the door.

Just toss them in, okay?

l got soap in my eyes.

Oh, god, no!

- Oh, god, yes!

- Please, no.

Oh, god, not now.

Think of grandma.

Please, blood,

circulate.

Why won't you circulate

when l need you to circulate?

- Hi.

- Hi.

lt's nice to meet you finally.

At least online.

Same here.

How have you been?

Oh, l've been really busy.

l've been studying for my exams.

l needed a break, and l saw

you online. Anyways...

...l was so relieved to read your bio

data and find out that...

...you're vegetarian.

And l was especially happy to know

that you don't smoke or drink like...

...my father does.

- What? Oh, no.

My father as well.

Nasty habits.

- May l ask what attracted you to me?

- Your set... Of values.

Your set of values. We share the same

set of values across the bed...

Board.

Board.

l don't mean to sound old- fashioned

or anything, but l think it's pretty...

...admirable with you living in

America that you don't believe in...

...pre- marital sex. l mean,

a lot of the other prospects...

...that contacted me from there,

they could learn a thing or two...

...from a gentleman like you.

- Thank you.

Oh, great. So, l'll have

my parents call your parents.

- l'd like that.

- Hey, listen, my study group friend...

...just popped up unexpectedly,

so let's talk tomorrow.

- Okay?

- Okay.

- So... ls this the one?

- Yeah. She's 22.

Studying to be an architect like me.

And the best part is, she's crazy...

...about children and animals.

- Well, does this children and animal...

...lover have a name?

- Oh, yes, of course.

Her name is... Nita. Nita.

- Nita.

Wow, she is really pretty.

- Thank you.

You must be very excited

about Nita.

Yes. Very.

Wow. Look at the time.

l need to wake up really

early tomorrow.

Oh, well, hang on.

Let me get a picture.

Okay.

One for you.

For letting me sleep over.

And... One for me.

For my scrapbook.

You can move now.

Oh, right. Sorry.

Good night.

Sweet dreams.

- Good night.

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

l stuck around so l could thank you

for being a gentleman last night.

Dude!

- Hey!

- Hey.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Tell me.

Tell me you--

Of course not. And l hope you

did the decent thing, too.

l did. l used latex condoms

instead of laaa- mbskin.

Who is this Nita chick,

and who are her parents?

Don't laugh.

- Now, please.

Sit and listen. Nita is the building

commissioner"s daughter.

Commissioner?

Commissioner?

What a match my Harish

and your Nita are.

l was so excited when l heard that our

families would be united through...

...this blessed marriage.

- Yes, commissioner.

Did Mr. Goshi ever stop by with some

chocolate while l was away?

No, commissioner.

You know,

we were a bit worried...

...when we didn't hear from you or

Harish's father.

Oh, you know how busy l've been

with the new building.

Besides, Pundit Deepak is such a

great friend of the family.

He insisted on helping me arrange

the marriage.

Yes. We were surprised when

he called.

So when do you think l might get

to meet my lovely...

...daughter- in- law- to- be?

- Soon. Very soon.

Commissioner, l brought some

revisions for you to take a look...

...when you get a moment.

- Leave them. We'll talk after the...

...marriage. And if anything goes wrong

With the wedding, l assure you,..

...the only other thing that you'll ever

build in this town again...

...is a straw hut.

A royal wedding at the family Haveli

for my little prince and...

...his new princess. People will be

talking about it for months.

And Nita is such a wonderful girl,

Harish.

l am so proud that you made the

right choice.

- Mum, what are you up to?

- Harish, l weighed the pros and...

...the cons, and l came to the

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