When We First Met Page #3

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What is happening to my life?

Did I not tell you the day

you dropped out of business school

something exactly like this

was gonna happen to you?

- Exactly like what?

- Like a quarter-life crisis.

- No.

- Yeah, you are.

How many times did I tell you I could talk

to my boss and he would offer you a job?

You and I, we're supposed to be the Anna

and Elsa of the corporate assistant game.

- From Frozen?

- Max, I need my Diet Sunkist, yeah?

Five minutes ago, dummy.

Of course you can have a playdate at

Julie's house, sweetie. Go, sh*t-weasel!

I'm on it, sir. He's a sweetheart.

But you're not an assistant.

You're a vice president.

- Not yet.

- You are though.

Okay, I'm working there.

Costigan assured me that within

three years and an attitude for gratitude,

I'll be at the top.

I'm investing in myself.

See this watch? Guess how much that cost.

$25,000.

Good guess. Wow, you know quality.

I bought it cash. Well, one percent down.

The rest is on extended layaway.

But it's a Breitling. It's so expensive.

Don't even know how to pronounce it.

Not too much.

I don't want to be too jacked, but I want

to be able to tell time with ease.

Oh, my God.

It's her.

That's good! There you go!

All right, give me a natural one.

Cheese!

You guys are gonna love these

in 30 years. Oh, yeah. Classic.

- Hey! Hey!

- There we go.

Uh, no. Reception's that way, buddy.

No, you know me.

- Nice try.

- I know that your name is Carrie.

You're Avery's best friend.

It was just last night

I was puking in the bathroom.

I almost passed out in your truck.

That truck right there.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, Noah, what are you doing?

- She's being weird, man.

- I'm so sorry.

You have to excuse my friend.

He gets weird when he's hitting on chicks.

Wait. Don't I know you?

From Instagram!

What's your handle? It's, um...

- @CarrieGoFYourself.

- Great.

- Mmm.

- No, no, you guys know each other.

It was last night.

We hung out at the piano bar.

Right after Avery's engagement par...

You guys...

I feel like I'm going crazy right now.

Like, what's happening? Am I crazy?

- Seriously, dude, she said get lost.

- What?

Okay, weirdo? This is my day.

- I said get lost.

- Wait a second.

If you don't know me

and you don't know her,

that means that last night...

just... just didn't happen.

Which means that...

that tonight didn't happen.

So I still have a chance to meet her

before she meets him.

And then all that means

is that I just traveled back in time!

Okay, Noah, seriously, stop.

- Don't do this. You sniffing paint?

- Okay, no.

Listen, I'll explain it later to everyone.

I'm gonna tell everybody about this.

But right now I have someone to meet.

- I'll talk to you soon.

- Wait, what do you...?

Oh, my gosh.

What an animal, that one, right? I'm Max.

We can talk about it all over dinner.

- Piss off.

- Okay.

I'll DM you later, CarrieGoFYourself.

My apologies.

Give me a natural look. Just kidding.

Up top!

Whoo!

What is the plan?

Not Garth. He is too cute.

So what would Ethan wear?

Mmm.

Tonight calls for something

a little more... debonair.

Count Basie.

Searching Count Basie.

Dottie Hinson!

If it isn't the cutest catch...

Nope.

I'm Angus Young. AC/DC.

God! I feel like a damn dinosaur!

Worst Halloween ever!

Mistaken identity.

Thought you were someone else.

Oh.

Oh, God, it's Carrie. Sh*t.

Uh... Oh! Hey, Jell-O Shot Doctor!

- Yo, hey, Doc!

- Hey.

No, I'm good with that, thanks.

See that girl in the basketball jersey?

She was like,

I'm super into that doctor over there.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Figures. I am on it!

Okay.

Hey!

Okay.

- How are you?

- I'll come back.

- Okay.

- Yeah.

No pressure here.

Just use everything

that you've learned about her

to make her fall in love with you.

You're like a spy, Noah.

You're like a love spy.

You're like a sophisticated, charming,

sexy, not-at-all-creepy,

international... Uh-oh.

- Hey, watch it, buddy!

- Whoo!

Hulk smash!

You must be Dottie Hinson.

Yeah.

Ashby.

Noah Ashby.

So, what's your favorite drink?

Mine is grapefruit juice

with some vodka

and exactly three maraschino cherries.

That's my favorite drink too.

- That's insane.

- What?

It's like we have some sort of...

cosmic connection or something.

I guess that means something.

I don't know.

You know, I forgot to ask you earlier,

where are you from?

You forgot?

Uh, yeah.

I'm kind of from all over the place.

- Kind of...

- An army brat? Yeah.

I have such an appreciation

for the armed forces.

How did you know I was gonna say that?

Just because your... your demeanor.

And you said that you move around a lot.

So... Oh, my God. Look at this guy.

Hipster Waldo over there.

Oh, my gosh, I think I know him.

His name is Patric.

With no K. Yes.

- Yes. You know him too?

- You know...

Oh, my God. They're gonna fall in.

Oh, you were so spot on.

Now they're making out in the pool.

- So tacky.

- I know, right?

I ran into him once at this benefit.

Oh, which one? I put on benefits.

Which bene...? Um...

It was a...

Well, which one was it? I go to so many.

It was Kids Without... Toes.

Which is a big one.

They say it's the harelip

of our generation.

That's so sad.

These kids, they can't walk very...

'Cause they don't have toes, so th-they...

It's like they have hooves and...

That's not important.

What is important was,

this guy cornered me about sea turtles.

Sea turtles! Yes!

I was like, Dude, I get it.

They are our most elegant

oceanic guardians.

But it's not about turtles.

It's about the toes.

Or the lack thereof, in this case.

It's so sad. It's so sad.

How do you think tonight's going?

It's going pretty good, right?

I feel a good connection here.

Do you like music?

I mean, of course you do. You like

breathing, right? Let's get out of here.

You know, I'm thinking

you look like a Count Basie fan.

Yeah, he's my favorite.

How did you know that?

I was just getting

Count Basie vibes from you.

Uh-oh. What's this hand about to do?

You know this one?

I love this song.

You know his name

actually is William Basie?

Born in Red Bank, New Jersey.

Eventually won nine Grammys for hits such

as Little Darlin' and Corner Pocket.

Of course, he did die

of pancreatic cancer in 1984.

Those are just a few small facts,

in case you wanted to know.

- You know a lot about Count Basie.

- Hey, I know my music history.

This is great!

- These things are so much fun.

- Okay.

- This is gonna be great.

- Ready for this?

- Yes.

- Pose hard.

Wow, you're really good at this.

- Have you done this before?

- I'm actually 100 percent self-taught.

- Wow.

- Yeah. I've never even had a lesson.

- Really?

- I'm a natural.

- That's amazing.

- Come on. This is the best part.

Okay.

That one is great.

A lot of first-time photo booth couples

give off an obvious cute vibe.

- Mm-hmm. Nope.

- Not us.

Not us. We gave off a real, authentic...

- Sort of natural thing we have between us.

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