Whip It Page #2

Oh, yeah

Don't say I never gave you anything.

Sheena is a punk rocker

(CROWD CHEERING)

Okay, everybody, and welcome

to skate night at the Warehouse.

I'm a little hung-over tonight, so l...

Anyway, let me introduce

you to our first team.

Ooming to you from

the streets of Austin,

men, hold on to your

cookies, it's the Hurl Scouts.

Number 99, captain of the

Hurl Scouts, Maggie Mayhem.

Number 69, Bloody Holly.

Number 3, Rosa Sparks.

Number 2, Smashley Simpson.

Razor Magee's Hurl Scouts have come

in last place three years running.

This league has five teams,

each with their own theme.

What outlaw do we have

skating against the Hurl Scouts

this fine Texas evening here?

I'm talking about the girls so bad

that even God can't keep them in line.

Give it up for the

undefeated Holy Rollers.

Last season's champs

are led by their captain,

the league's leading scorer. Iron Maven.

Yeah, she's the one from the flyer.

I'm feeling hot in these

polyesters right now, baby.

Ladies and gentlemen,

let's play some roller derby.

(BLOWING WHISTLE)

A jammer scores a point in this course

by passing members of the opposite team.

Maven gets a great jump. That's fast.

And she's out to an early lead.

Iron Maven, ladies and gentlemen.

Folks. the ones to watch

tonight are the jammers.

Those are the ones with

the stars on their helmets.

Some of you might remember watching

derby on TV back in the '7 0s,

but it was reborn right

here in the heart of Texas,

a true Austin tradition.

Maven's heading up on the outside

but it's real crowded in there.

(GRUNTS) That's a big

hit by Rosa Sparks.

Jackie Daniels is down.

Lucky for the Hurl Scouts

this is only an exhibition bout

because the Rollers are in control.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKER)

(CROWD CHATTERING)

MAN:
Thank you, Maggie.

l just wanna tell you all

that you're my new heroes.

It's your first time here?

Yeah.

Well, put some skates

on, be your own hero.

(LAUGHS)

The last time I wore skates,

they had Barbies on them.

Hey, you know, none of us knew our

ass from an elbow pad when we started.

You should come to tryouts on Tuesday.

You have to be 21 . You're 21 , right?

Two:
I'm 22.

Yeah, I just had my...

I had my birthday, so...

Great, it's this Tuesday at 5:00.

It is? Yeah.

I'm Maggie, Maggie Mayhem.

I'm Bliss, but I can change that.

Yeah, you'll have to change that.

Don't be late.

"Twenty-two. Just had my birthday."

Twenty-one, it's a red flag.

Twenty-two's way more believable.

l guess, 'cause you're not actually

gonna do it, so I guess it makes sense.

Why don't you and I try out?

Excuse me?

l didn't have a

Barbie-roller-skating phase. Okay?

l had a fat-kid-sits-inside-

and-reads-a-book phase.

You know that.

Well, what makes you

think I won't try out?

(CLEARS THROAT)

(CHUCKLES) Because you'd

be scared to go without me.

And those roller derby

girls, they're tough.

And you are not. Ow!

Gee. How dare you?

Not to mention your mom.

She doesn't have to know.

You don't have the baIls.

l can grow the balls.

(WHIMPERING)

No way.

Mm.

Hey.

Do you have room for one more?

l like your hair.

Thanks, hon. I do it myself.

DRIVER:
All right, next

stop, downtown Austin.

DERBY PLAYER 1 :
Hey.

DERBY PLAYER 2:
Hey.

What's your derby name?

Pocket Rocket.

What's yours?

Jaba the Slut.

Hey, you made it. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I'm glad you came.

Thanks.

What is that?

That would be Razor. He's our coach.

He's a good guy. And he

really knows his derby.

All right, ladies. Let's roll.

Ooh, jean shorts.

Every single day.

(METAL BANGING)

Meet the Manson sisters.

Gift from the Ottawa Women's

Hockey League to the Hurl Scouts.

They both seem really aggressive.

Maybe we can finally

win a few this year.

Maybe.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

All right, listen up, fresh meat.

There's a lot more to derby than

fishnets and picking out a tough name.

This is a sport.

Now, the league has six spots open.

So whatever shred of talent you have,

hope you leave it out on

the track for me today.

Okay, what is it?

Sorry.

Just what are the rules?

Derby 1 01 , people.

Four blockers from each team

are lined up on the track.

Ten feet behind them,

two jammers are lined

up, one from each team.

We're the ones who score.

First whistle blows

and the pack takes off.

Then a second whistle blows

and the jammers take off.

Some of us faster than others.

Once the jammer breaks through the pack,

she hauls ass around the track

a second time and tries to score.

For every player on the

opposing team the jammer passes,

she gets a point.

Most points wins the

game every single time.

Now, line up and get you some.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

Get up.

Go, ladies. Move it.

Up, up, up. Go.

Looking good, Barbie.

It's roller derby, not cotillion.

Come on, put a hit on somebody.

(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)

God damn it. Diane.

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

Hey. That move will get

you tossed from a game.

There's no place in this sport for that.

What?

Okay. Sorry.

But I like the aggression.

Is it bad?

Mmm-mmm.

Mmm-mmm.

No. Mmm-mmm.

Mmm-mmm.

Forty-one, gotta improve

on that. 39, 32, not bad.

Twenty-nine. Let's go.

(EXHALES)

Twenty-three?

Looks like you've got some competition.

Yeah, yeah, wake me when she

learns how to throw a hit.

(EXCLAIMING)

(GRUNTS)

(LAUGHS)

Or take one.

Hey, you're Iron Maven.

That's right, kiss-ass.

Why don't you suck up a little harder?

There's still part of your face

that doesn't have doodie on it.

MAVEN:
Nice shorts. Bliss: Help.

Can somebody help me? I...

Just kidding.

Hey, by the way, you made

it, you're a Hurl Scout.

Nice work out there.

(CAUGHT UP IN YOU PLAYING)

(SlNGING) I never

knew there'd come a day

(CAR HORN HONKING)

When I'd be saying to you

"Don't let this good love slip away..."

Your feet are on fire. They're on fire.

Seriously, look, they're on fire.

You're changing your schedule?

Well, I have to. You know, for practice.

Don't leave me alone with Birdman.

You can change yours to mine.

l can't. I'm actually taking

an SAT class, remember?

(BELL RINGING)

So caught up in you, little girl

That I never did suspect a thing

So caught up in you, little girl

That I never want to get myself free

(EXCLAIMS)

(LAUGHING)

You caught me Baby, you taught me

How good lt could be

BROOKE:
Shania, I am not cleaning Salisbury

steak sauce off of that fringe again.

Hey, I just wanted to let you guys know

that I'm gonna change my work schedule

to Mondays, Wednesdays,

'cause I wanna take an SA class on Tuesdays, Thursdays.

I'm impressed.

Me, too.

l like smart girls, that's

why I married your mama.

Well, that and I knocked her up.

So caught up in you, little girl

You're the one that's

got me down on my knees

So caught up in you, little girl

That I never want to get myself free

And, baby, it's true

You're the one

Who caught me Baby, you taught me

How good lt could be

Fill your days and your nights

No need to ever ask me twice

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