Whip It Page #3

Oh, no

Whenever you want me

Shouldn't... Shouldn't we,

like, be practicing soon?

Yeah, hurry up, you guys,

we don't wanna be late.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Careful, Pee-Wee here might

get the idea we actually win.

You don't? HeIl, no. Never.

All that "We're Number 1 "

corporate crap doesn't apply.

Our bad attitude's an asset here.

Okay, ladies. Check it out.

Hot off the presses, brand new

playbooks compiled by yours truly.

Your hands clean?

Yes, my hands are clean.

Pay particular attention

to Play Number 3.

I think it's gonna blow your doors off.

Smashley, you're late as per usual.

I know.

Well, then you must also know that

there's nothing cool about being late.

Hey... RAZOR:
Let's hit the track.

Who's up for Lovejoy's later

tonight? $2 pitchers. Beer?

SMASHLEY:
I'm in.

ROSA:
Me, too.

I'm in.

You weren't invited.

I'm still in.

There's no such thing as a scrimmage.

We practice the way we play.

Maven, you know what to do.

Bliss, show me something good.

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

You ready? (SCOFFS) Am I ready?

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

RAZOR:
Let's go, ladies. Skate.

Don't block your own player, let's go.

Crossover the turn, stay

low. Crossover the turn.

Bend those knees. Bend those

knees. Bend those knees.

BLISS:
Ow!

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

What the hell was that?

You had Maven beat, but she smoked you

'cause you're too scared to throw a hit.

And then you quit.

I need you to be a lot more...

l want you to start

being a lot... Ruthless.

Yeah.

That's right, you little peanut,

l need you to be ruthless.

This is a contact sport, Bliss.

Eventually I'm gonna

need you to make contact.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

Next group up. Back off, Razor.

MAGGIE:
Just ignore

him. SMASHLEY:
We do.

Seriously.

l mean, he's right. I'm not cutting it.

You know what I like to

think about before every game?

My ex.

Little piece of advice, Bliss.

Don't fall for your regional manager

and think that he's

not gonna give you crabs

because he cheated on

you, 'cause it happens.

And when I think about myself in the

shower, using that special shampoo,

which, for the record, doesn't make

anyone feel very special at all,

I really, really wanna hit somebody.

You have to find that thing that

really pisses you off and you use it.

Have you ever had crabs?

No.

No. Okay. My doctor said

it was really common, but...

B-man, come on. What do you say?

Pash has to come. You

know. it's my first game.

Yeah, well, what about me?

I mean, did anybody bother to think,

"Hey, Birdman might appreciate hot

girls in fishnets and roller skates

"beating the crap out of each other"?

No, they did not.

Do you wanna come, too?

Yeah, but I can't. l

have a prior engagement.

I'm covering for Pash.

(EXCLAIMING IN DELIGHT)

Yes. We love you. Birdman.

Yeah? You know we love you.

Thank you. We do. You know that, right?

Yeah, yeah. Not enough.

We're crazy about you.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

You can never have too much eyeliner.

Or LashBlast.

Here's a little gift from the team.

Safety is sexy.

You'll need these, too.

Those are just sexy.

Guys, thanks.

Let the bout come to you.

Let the bout come to you.

Let the bout come to you.

So, are you ready for your big debut?

Has anyone ever thrown

up on the track before?

Yeah.

Let's get them. Kill them dead.

Skate fast, skate hard.

I'm gonna puke.

JOHNNY ON PA:
During the day,

they go by Peggy, Francine,

Tammy, and Rachael, but here...

All right, let the bout come to you.

Okay.

ALL:
One, two, three, kick ass.

(WHISTLE BLOWS) And they're off.

Jamming for the Widows, Eva

Destruction against the Hurl Scouts.

Bloody Holly who makes

her way out to the pack.

And, oh, she passes the block

with a beautIful backward skating.

But wait a second, from out of nowhere,

Eva Destruction shows

up right on her tail.

Each girl the jammer

passes, they get a point.

Pass a girl, get a point.

And she's gotten the first

seven points of the game.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

And the Widows take the lead.

Hey, Black Widows, my

spidey senses are tingling.

About to make a sequel in my pants.

Yeah, Spider-Man 3 and a Half?

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Yeah, it is three and

a half inches wide.

(IMITATING TROMBONE)

Air trombone, yeah.

Nice jam, man.

That was amazing.

Thanks.

Yeah. Thank you.

Where did you learn to skate like that?

Well, I once tried out for the Olympics,

but that didn't exactly work out.

You gotta maintain the

triangle configuration.

I've been over it and

over it with you guys.

What do you want to do? Come on.

l don't need to do the triangle.

I need to get up there and...

JOHNNY:
It's the second quarter

and we have Manson Number 1

jamming for the Hurl Scouts.

This is a rough contact sport.

These girls are lean,

mean skating machines.

And they gotta go fast if they

wanna get past the blockers

who are trying to knock them down.

And by "knock them down, " l

mean "beat them to a pulp. "

Eva's gonna grab another four points,

bringing the Widows' score to

Team captain Maggie Mayhem doing the

honors for the Hurl Scouts, but...Oh!

Getting Widows jammer Honey

Suckit back for that rail check

and Whiskey sweeps Manson

Number 2 out of the way,

making room for Honey to widen the gap

to collect another three points

there as we go into halftime.

That makes the score 29-10. Come on.

(HORN SOUNDING)

They say the Scouts

have the most loyal fans,

and being the worst team in the

league, Lord knows they need them.

Oh, Rosa Sparks, no, you didn't.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

God damn it.

JOHNNY:
Okay, folks, the Widows

have a pretty comfortable lead here

late in the game.

Hurl Scouts coach Razor

still sticking with Smashley

Simpson as the jammer.

She's up against the Widows'

speed woman, Honey Suckit.

Oh! The Widows'jammer

hip-checks Smashley.

Well, our favorite

Whole Foods checkout girl

is about to bag her some Honey. Hey.

(ALL CHEERING)

Clean-up on Aisle 5.

With time left for only one more

jam, and the game out of reach,

Smashley Simpson is out of here.

Okay, you're in.

Show me why they call you Ruthless.

(EXHALES)

Go get you some.

Okay, Austin, get ready to

meet your newest Hurl Scout.

Here she is, Number 22, the fastest

thing on eight wheels, Babe Ruthless.

Babe Ruthless? All

right. Go, Babe Ruthless.

(WHOOPING) JOHNNY:AIl right,

it's the final jam of the night.

I like the taste of fresh meat.

And Razor, with nothing

to lose, throws the rookie

into the last jam on

her very first game.

And dang.

Babe Ruthless gets a double shove

to the rail served up by Whiskey.

But she's back up like a Weeble.

Okay, okay, that's good.

She darts down the inside

and heads towards the outside

and makes a run for it out of the pack.

Oh, but here comes Eva

Destruction, still skating strong,

hoping to ruin Babe's debut.

Ruthless is out of the pack.

She's coming around for her points.

(WHOOPING)

That's my best friend.

That's my best friend.

Rumor has it that Ruthless blew

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