Whip It Page #5

Okay, ladies, we're getting

beat, but we got the playbooks.

Time to show these Fight

Attendants a few tricks of our own.

Let's run Play Number 3. Stampede.

Number 3?

Yeah. I think we only got to Number 2.

Like, one and a half.

RAZOR:
You didn't learn

a goddamn thing, did you?

What's it gonna take for

you guys to pull it together?

You know what? That's it. Hold this.

Did he just take Number 3?

Come on. That's all I'm

saying. Just skate on through.

Hey, what's up, Razor? Ready to forfeit?

Forfeit my ass. Run this play.

What do I look like? An idiot?

Anyway, I've got my own plays.

Here's $20. You know

how little money I have.

You run the play. You don't

score at least three points,

you got another 20 coming

at the end of the bout.

(HORN SOUNDING)

Just run the play, Jeff.

You all right? Let's skate. Yeah.

Ladies, we've got a

change of plan. What?

Hey, don't let that traitor throw

you. Let's hit him where it hurts.

Did Razor just coach the other

team or did my peyote just kick in?

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

I don't even know what's coming on

'cause I don't know what's

coming around the corner.

Fight Attendants are

about to take on the sky.

Whoa! Holy crap, a 1 80 turn.

Kami Kaze makes her way through the

rubble to score an easy four points.

Fight Attendants, 22, Hurl Scouts, 6.

Is that Play Number 3?

Works pretty well, doesn't it?

You suck.

HOLLY:
You turncoat.

Want me to give them Play Number 4 now?

No.

Okay. Take a knee.

Okay. I wanna put what

just happened behind us.

l know I've moved on. We're

gonna run Play Number 2.

Fire and Smashley, you at least

know the first half of that, right?

Yes.

Okay.

Then get out there and get you some.

Hey, Scouts. You mind finishing

your little Family Feud huddle?

Survey says you're wasting our time.

Let's go ape sh*t.

Yeah.

JOHNNY:
Coming out of halftime

and an alternate universe,

Coach Razor puts former figure skater

Bloody Holly in the jammer position,

who launches furiously into the pack.

The team is on their game now,

pushing Bloody to the front.

And she makes it through

B*tch and Cookie Flake

grabbing a total of eight

points for the Hurl Scouts.

Come on, come on.

The Hurl Scouts are catching up

in points for the first time ever.

As this space oddity continues,

Babe Ruthless uses

her speed to fly by...

Oh! Axels of Evil knocks her down.

But she's back up. Here

they come around the turn.

A choreographed move

from the Hurl Scouts.

Has to be from Razor's playbook.

That makes the score 58-58,

a first in the history

of the Hurl Scouts.

l can't believe I'm saying this,

but the Hurl Scouts are tied.

We got a tie game here, folks.

Oh, yeah? Oh, but Smashley goes down.

Really? B*tch. What the...No.

Ooh, watch out, Tammy. No. No.

Here comes Smashley.

Get off me, you psycho.

We've got two girls

brawling on the track.

I don't know whether to break it

up or break out the video camera.

Hell hath no fury like a woman fouled.

That's not legal.

By day, these ladies are your

favorite waitresses, nurses, teachers,

but by night these girls give

the crowd what they came for.

Smashley Simpson is out of

here. We're only moments to go

and the Hurl Scouts have

managed to squeak out in front.

We're at a 70-67. Hurl Scouts.

Okay, grab her wrists,

hold on tight. Go.

Play Number 8. You ready for the whip?

Put your arm out, I'll be there.

JOHNNY:
It's the final

seconds of the game.

Manson ramps Cookie Rumble,

and the Hurl Scouts attempt

a classic move in derby. Maggie.

Babe and Maggie go for the

whip, and it's effective.

Nothing gives you speed like the whip.

(EXCLAIMING)

A whip. Ruthless is flying into the pack

while her teammates are doing

a downright professional job

of clearing the way. She picks

up one, two, three, four points.

Break out the merit badges. 7 4-67.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

The Hurl Scouts have finally won one.

(HORN SOUNDING)

Fight Attendants, this

is your captain speaking.

It's gonna be a long, bumpy ride back

to Loserville. So if you have your...

ALL:
...you win the game. If you

run the plays, you win the game!

How about them Hurl Scouts?

Yeah. How about them Hurl Scouts?

How about them Hurl Scouts?

Touch, ladies. Touch.

We got to run the plays. We

run the plays, we win the game.

MAGGIE:
We'll do our

homework. Every time.

There're only 10 of them.

It's not... Not rocket science.

Let's get those Holy Rollers.

BOTH:
Yes.

(HIGH TIMES PLAYING)

OLIVER:
(SINGING) I

put a bomb in your fire

You say

oh-oh-oh-oh

I put a bomb in your

fire You say oh-oh-oh-oh

Murray. Murray. Murray!

(SINGING) There is a way to predict

the outcome of people like you

You are a sheep in sheep's

clothing and you know, you know

I am a-coming to get

you You say oh-oh, oh-oh

There is a way to

predict the outcome of...

Please tell me you did not

shove Corbi Booth over a rail.

Actually, I did.

Corbi has a huge bruise on her leg.

I know that you're just

too bohemian to care,

but she has to cheer tonight.

And she's gonna go through

with it? What an athlete.

MRS. WEAVER:
I'd like to

speak to the parents alone.

JOHNNY:
She's passing one, two,

three girls. That's three points.

If you're still having trouble

following the game, folks,

don't worry, you're not the only one.

(BUZZER SOUNDS) We'll keep

track of the score for you.

You keep track of the fishnets.

This is a whole new Hurl Scouts on thIs

four-game winning streak they're on.

They ain't playing

scared, that's for sure.

(HORN SOUNDING)

Number 22 pulls it off again,

earning another merit badge.

Looks like she's on her

way to rookie of the year,

and I can't think of anyone in

recent history more deserving.

Oh! They gave her the whip.

You wanted it and they

gave it to you, folks.

You've been whipped.

(IMITATES WHIP CRAOKING)

Nothing gives you speed like the whip.

And the Scouts, they go for another one,

inching even closer to a

slot in the championship.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

(SINGING) And when you try to

resist It's like ha-ha-ha-ha

There is no way around this

tell me ho-ho-ho-holy roller

Can you feel my flame?

So my brother's been

working on some dates.

And it looks like this tour

thing is actually gonna happen.

That's really great.

Yeah, I guess.

Thirty-four days crammed into a

crappy van with four other dudes.

Like a bathroom on wheels or something.

That's a long time.

No, it's cool.

Look, you'll be doing your

thing, I'll be doing mine.

It'll go by fast, you'll see.

EARL:
Hit it. Oh, yeah, baby. Yeah.

Go, go, go, baby. Yeah. I love it.

Oh, my God. Do it.

(EXCLAIMS) No, I don't wanna

know. I don't wanna know.

(ANNOUNCER CHATTERING ON TV)

Blisster? What are you doing?

I'm watching the game.

(LAUGHS)

That's what I tell the folks

at work, I'm cutting out early.

l tell your mom I'm coming home late.

Dad, I'm not gonna tell her.

Why do you feel like

you have to lie to her?

(SIGHS)

You gotta pick your

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