Whipped Page #4

pseudo lesbian craving.

Are you kidding me? Loraine?

No, she wouldn't let it go.

So instead of bringing back

another chick,

sometimes I do the tuck,

talk in a high voice like this,

and ask her to touch me.

Touch me.

Touch me. Touch me.

Touch me.

Oh, Brad.

Oh, Brad.

Ive tried doing the tuck

a couple of times,

but it really kind of...

hurts my penis.

Then you're not doing it right.

Is this sh*t still going on?

You still unstrapping one

for Loraine?

That was just a phase.

Now she's in a book group.

-I got to go.

-Where you got to go?

I got to make a phone call.

Brad, you still have your cell?

-Are you calling your hump?

-Of course not.

I just got to make a call.

You f***ing c*nt.

There are certain words

I don't like to use.

I don't like...

masturbation...

or jerking off...

or spanking.

I think those words,

they sound vulgar.

"Sturbing"

is the word I use.

"Sturbing".

Im comfortable with "sturbing".

Hey, hey, hey, hey, Mia,

You're my cup of Tee-ah.

Sometimes I sit on my hand.

You know.

And...

I sit on it for a long time

until it falls asleep.

And then,

once it's asleep,

I sturb with it like this,

so it feels like...

somebody else is

doing it to me.

I call it "the stranger".

Mia,

we can take a trip...

across the sea.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You look beautiful.

That's no good.

You look...

wonderful.

You look amazing.

What the hell?

Hello?

Amazingly beautiful.

Sh*t, that's so bad.

You look...

you look stunning.

Mia?

Mia?

Holy sh*t!

In here!

Stop that!

Get off!

Get off!

F***ing cocksucker!

What the hell's going on here?

Wait!

Ill kick your ass if you don't

tell me why the f*** you're here!

-What is going on?

-I have a date with Mia?

F*** you! Im dating Mia!

Would you get the hell off me?

You guys all know each other?

You guys have known each other

since college.

And you're best friends.

Yeah.

For real?

How is that possible?

Its New York City.

What are the odds of that?

Apparently pretty high.

Sorry.

Im sorry too.

I really like you guys,

all of you.

What's with the Dunwood?

Anyway,...

in an ideal world, I guess...

Id want to see all of you,

but I understand it's not possible.

So,...

if you guys want to take off,

I understand.

Okay.

It was fun while it lasted.

-Bye.

-Bye, Jonathan.

Come on, Zeke, let's go.

Im not going anywhere.

What?

Im staying.

Come on, Zeke.

F*** that. If you want to go, go.

Come on, man. Don't be a dick.

You don't understand.

I actually like her.

Mia and I have a connection.

Wait.

We have a connection too, right?

Im staying.

What?

Im staying.

My God, you got to be kidding me.

Okay.

Okay.

You're connected,

and if you're connected,

Im connected too.

You sure you're okay with this?

Oh, yeah.

Its not a problem.

Back off, she's mine!

Both of you have totally

f***ing dicked me over!

F*** that. You dicked me.

You know...

Im the only one that's

supposed to be here.

Its funny both of you

decided to surprise her

on the one day that

I had a date with her.

And we were going to

use the video camera.

Im not backing off.

lf Mia wants to see all of us,

you'll have to deal with it.

F*** you.

Who gives a sh*t what you think?

You know what?

Im really tired of the way

you talk to me.

F*** you, you f***ing...

F*** you.

Easy, easy. Chill.

-Im going to kick his ass.

-What?

Going to kung fu chop me to death?

Hey, chill.

Crane position,

Daniel san.

First of all, it's jujitsu, f*ggot.

Second, I don't need to know sh*t

to kick your lame ass.

Im so scared.

lf you don't shut up,

Im going to move.

You know what?

F*** this sh*t.

You're both a**holes!

Im out of here.

A**holes.

Why do you always have to be

such a dick?

A**hole.

Dick.

Its Mia. Please leave a message.

Hello, Mia.

How you doing, sweetie?

Its Brad.

I have two tickets to

the Knicks game tonight

if you wanted to go.

What?

Hi, it's Jonathan. How are you?

Just calling to say hey,

and see if you maybe...

want to do something later?.

Its Zeke. Where are you, baby?

I want to hangout with you.

We could do something and get close.

Call me.

I like to walk into a place,

check out the vibes, the signals

Im getting on the wood meter,

lookaways, that kind of sh*t.

A lookaway?

That's when a girl looks at you,

and she instantly looks away.

That is a solid green light.

Lookaway.

Lookaway.

Like you hit a home run and

you haven't had to pick up a bat.

Like most scammers

that Im aware of,

Im not that comfortable

with other men.

I have a very strong affinity

for the society of women.

Its a matter of time before you

get over the Brad/Jonathan thing.

What do you see in those d*cks?

I thought they were your friends.

Your friends don't try and

get on your girlfriend.

Excuse me.

Mia,

I know we haven't been

together for that long,

but I just wanted to tell you...

I haven't had many special

relationships with girls.

I mean, women.

And...

it might not seem a big deal to you,

but...

but I feel I can talk to you

about just about anything.

It means a lot to me.

I never thought

Id be able to say that.

That's what I love about you, Zeke.

You have this whole cool,

ladies man exterior,

but inside youre just a big dork.

In a good way.

How do you know me so well?

I just...

...do.

That was awesome.

Thanks.

Practice makes perfect.

Look,

I know I joke around a lot,

Mia, but...

I want you to know...

I am totally serious

when I say that you are...

the coolest thing

in my life.

Ive never met anyone

like you before.

So what's next?

No, no, I meant with us.

Oh.

I don't know.

Ive never been in

a relationship like this before.

You'll be my little...

student.

And you can spank me

when Im bad.

That was amazing.

I want to show you something.

Okay.

They're great.

These are really...

These are great.

The guys think I look like

a fag in that picture.

What do they know?

They're just jealous.

You're really different

from them, you know, Jonathan.

Really, you're more genuine.

And these past few weeks with you

have been really special.

The past few weeks

with me and Zeke and Brad?

No,

dummy.

The past few weeks with you.

I was really confused before,

but Im not anymore.

Jonathan?

Come on, we're late.

Ill be right out.

Okay.

Wow. Five speeds.

Honey, come on. We got to go.

Sh*t.

Sh*t.

What?

Nothing.

Are you sure you're okay?

Im fine. Just a second.

Sweetheart,

if you need Pepto, it's in

the cabinet above the sink.

Come on, it's not coming out!

Are you sure you're okay?

You sound pretty bad.

No.

Im fine.

-Honey, Im coming in.

-Wait, no!

What are you doing?

I was washing my hair,

or my hands.

I was just feeling dirty.

We have to go.

-Wait, what is that?

-What?

I hear humming.

-I don't hear anything.

-Why are you so wet?

You smell like a toilet.

Great to have the boys

back together again.

I was starting to miss you guys.

F*** you.

To think that I actually cared!

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