white chicks Page #5

l see, so you like rich guys?

lt might be a pleasant change

from all the losers that ask me out.

-$.

-That's good.

l see.

But I think that we can do better than that.

-$.

-Sold.

$. That is a new record.

That is very good.

Next to be auctioned is Tiffany Wilson.

-That's you.

-Me?

You better do something.

Excuse me, honey. l'll be right back.

Who wants to start the bidding?

$.

$. Do I hear $?

$.

$. Does anyone wish to go higher?

Yeah, l got $ right here.

$.

$.

Who said that?

$ to the dirty geezer in the back.

I'm sure no one will wish

to go higher than that...

so we can just be done with it now.

$.

$.

$! Going once, going twice--

$. Cash!

Fine.

Sold...

to the big black guy right there.

Step right up and claim your prize.

l don't want

to go on a date with Buff Daddy.

Come here, baby.

Dude, my feet are killing me.

And on top of that, that G-string

gave me diaper rash.

-How long we got to do this, man?

-Just a couple more days.

l don't have a couple of more days.

Do you know who my wife is?

Here, listen to this message.

She's losing her mind.

...with another woman

doing what I think you're doing!

You don't want to hear the rest.

By the end of the weekend,

we'll be heroes and all will be forgiven.

All right.

-You order room service?

-No.

Who is it?

Damn! These girls won't quit.

We'll be right there. We're coming. Hang on.

-Open up!

-Open.

One second.

We'll be right there. Hang on.

The ice cream's melting!

Hold tight, girls!

We're just shaving our feet, okay?

And braiding our vaginas.

What, did you guys forget?

lt's your turn to host the slumber party.

Okay, you guys. What does it mean...

when a guy is in a really bad relationship...

and it's really obvious

that he wants to be with you...

but he just can't seem to break up with

his girlfriend?

lt means you're a total booty call.

-My God! Brittany!

-Well, you were thinking it.

Well, you said it.

You know,

sometimes you sound just like a man.

So l've been told.

What she means to say, honey...

is maybe you're just making yourself

just a little bit too, like, available.

Come on, you guys.

Don't act like you haven't done it before.

You know how it is

when you really care about someone.

You call them all day long...

because you just wanna know

how their day is going...

and what they're thinking about

and if they're thinking about you.

You spend all day trying to find

the perfect outfit.

You even change your hairstyle

just so he'll take a second look.

But they never notice.

Sometimes l just wish

that they could trade places with us...

so that they would know how it feels.

You know?

-All done.

-Really?

My God! This is so cool.

You know something?

l think you might have been black

in a previous life.

Fo' shizzle, my nizzle.

All right, l got another one for you.

Carmen Electra or Pam Anderson?

Easy.

But they both got a yeast infection.

Now that's tough.

-l'm going to go with Pam Anderson.

-You're disgusting.

-What?

-They got a yeast infection.

Who would you choose?

Hey, Gomez. We got a couple of bogeys.

-No time.

-Oh, come on!

lt's Pam Anderson, like you care.

Run their faces. Let's go.

-Brittany Wilson?

-Yeah, that's me.

Let's get her.

-Put the blindfold on her!

-Damn, this girl's strong.

-Who do you work for?

-lntimate Fantasies!

My God. You need help?

What are you doing?

Those are the strippers, Raoul and Tito.

Strippers?

-l thought they were going to kidnap me.

-That's part of their routine.

Oh, my God! l am so sorry.

Hotel security! ls everything all right here?

Everything is fine.

Just a little case of PMS. That's all.

l'm just one big, emotional wreck.

Could you guys go

get me some Midol and a Snickers?

-Let's get out of here.

-My ass is fat.

This is Harper. lt's all clear.

Okay, ladies. Let's focus.

We have to find the perfect spot.

Skank alert.

My God, girls.

l totally forgot my suntan lotion.

l'm gonna get some suntan lotion.

l'll be right back.

Hey, Russ.

Hey, bro. Go long. l got a plan. Go.

Hey, yo! You do that again,

l'm going to bust....

l'll bust out in tears.

-lnbreds!

-You're a jerk.

My bad, sweetheart. Over here.

Don't hurt yourself.

Don't worry, l won't.

Sorry. Better lay off the spinach.

Tony. Let's go hunting.

What a beautiful, sunny day.

Oh, my God. What happened to the sun?

Easy, white chocolate.

l wouldn't want you to melt.

Yeah. Hasta la vista, Schwarzenegro. Bye.

Hey, kids! You guys want to make $?

Yeah! Sure!

Okay, here's what l want you to do.

Yeah, l'll take the usual.

And put it on my tab.

Hey, Latrell Spencer!

Could we have your autograph?

-Sure, little buddy.

-Thanks. You're the greatest.

Hey, that's what l do, baby.

-Sweet!

-Nice!

-Hey, stay in school.

-Okay, we will!

-Wow! You must be pretty good.

-l'm all right.

Sometimes l feel l should be paying them

to take my autograph.

l'm sorry, l didn't even get your name.

Latrell. Latrell Spencer. And you are?

-Denise Porter.

-Denise. Denise Porter.

You know, you look so familiar.

l feel like l've seen you somewhere.

No. l play pro ball.

Maybe you've seen one of my games.

No. But l mean if l did, l'm sure

l would've definitely remembered you.

Okay, well. Look, Denise...

l don't mean to be too forward or anything...

but l'm here in town,

checking out some real estate, and--

Oh, whereabouts?

-You know, up around over there.

-ln Montauk?

-More like around--

-East Hampton.

Just all over the place. lt's one big blur.

One big, business blur.

l kind of want to

get away from all that business and...

hang out with somebody

and have a real conversation.

So, l was wondering if you're not too busy...

-maybe we can hang out?

-Yeah, sure.

-Really? All right. Cool!

-Yeah.

So, l'll pick you up at about....

You know,

the jet should be here about :...

and the limo will take about a half-hour.

About :
. ls that good?

-Yeah, :
sounds great.

-:
sounds good? All right.

-Goodbye.

-Take care.

Hey, where's our $?

All right, calm down.

Here you go. $. $. each.

-You promised to give us $ each.

-Stay in school.

Cheapo.

l am not making excuses.

l refuse to believe it.

l am not making excuses.

l refuse to believe it.

-Really?

-l don't want to believe Marcus is cheating.

l don't wanna believe

Michael Jackson keeps carving up his nose.

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