White Irish Drinkers Page #4

I got major medical.

I got dental.

- Yeah, we know what you got,

dennis.

- Yeah, you tell us

every chance you get.

Oh, by the way,

do they cover you for having

a big f***ing mouth?

- They cover me for having

a big dick.

Oh,

it's a small policy.

- I take the physical next week.

Who's got a cigarette?

- Pardon me, jerry, you know,

I don't mean to offend,

but you're a big,

fat f***.

They're gonna want you to lift

a couple of hundred pounds.

I mean,

can you do that?

- I don't know.

Let me see.

- Hey,

get the f*** away from me.

- Next stop, flat on your ass.

- Yeah, I can do that.

- Watch the closing doors,

please.

- I didn't think

you wanted a job

that you had to get up

early for.

- They're just harder to find

than you might think.

My parents are getting

a little ambivaless

about me living here.

- You mean ambivalent?

- What are you,

f***ing shakespeare?

- It's a word.

- Well,

I've got to do something.

I've got to find my own place.

- Oh, man,

my parents expect me

to live at home

till I'm married.

It's like a f***ing law.

- My mom is gonna need oxygen

when she finds out

I'm getting my own apartment.

- These are all, man.

If I had money,

I'd buy a f***ing car,

never mind an apartment.

- If got on f***ing sanitation,

I will be set for life.

- You would.

- You know it?

That's paid vacation,

good bennies, everything.

- Everything.

- Yeah.

- Bennies, baby.

- But is that what you really

want to do?

- Wait,

who are you?

- Don't look down on garbage,

my friend.

See, they even got people

who study what you throw out.

It tells you all kinds of things

about your personality.

- Ohhh,

what are you gonna do,

examine people's garbage

and tell them why

they lack self-esteem?

- Jerry flanagan,

garbageman psychiatrist.

- The shrink with the stink.

- Yeah, well, f*** you all.

How about that?

How about f*** you?

Yeah, and, leary,

what do you do, hm?

You're a movie usher.

You spend your entire day just

f***ing scraping gum

off of armrests.

- And no bennies.

- You know,

I got a lot of options.

I could always go into business

with my brother if I wanted to.

- Yeah, your brother.

Like what,

gladiator school?

- Hey, you guys,

I'll be right back, all right?

Aww, come on.

- We were f***ing joking.

What's up, man?

- So when do you think

you want to go?

- I don't know.

- Yeah, come on.

- Were you gonna say something,

or are you just gonna

keep orbiting?

- I am gonna say something,

as soon as I think of it.

How about this?

How do you know jerry?

- Who?

- It's fine.

It's fine.

It's completely fine.

It's completely fine.

Continue the party.

- Jerry flanagan,

your host.

- I just heard

there was a party.

- Let me ask you a question.

What's it mean when an artist

does that?

- That.

Right.

No idea.

- Where'd you learn to draw

like that?

- It's just something

I could always do.

- What's your name?

- Brian leary.

We went to the same high school.

You're shauna friel,

right?

- Hm,

I don't remember you.

- Got to go.

- Oh,

he's my best friend.

- Okay, well, I was wondering

if maybe sometime-

- you're not gonna ask

if you can draw me

in the nude,

are you?

- No, I always wear clothes

when I draw.

I was going to ask you if maybe

you wanted to have lunch

sometime.

- Lunch.

- Yeah,

lunch is harmless.

First date,

I always ask about lunch.

Dinner's too open-ended.

What happens after?

You ask about breakfast,

you get an instant slap

in the face,

so that leaves you with lunch.

- I can't.

I'm very busy at work.

- Where do you work?

- Olympic travel.

- You a travel agent?

- You are quick.

- So book yourself a trip

to lunch.

- Got to start packing.

I'm moving to I.A.

- How come?

- Olympic's gonna transfer me.

I'm opening up

the west coast shop.

- No sh*t.

- I wouldn't sh*t you,

billy.

- Brian.

- # Here is safe #

# here is fun #

# this is where I need to be #

# here is mine #

# here is there #

# just across the line #

# this is where I choose to be #

# I just need some time #

- Former charles manson follower

lynette "squeaky" fromme...

- Brian.

- What?

- For attempting to assassinate

president ford.

- Look at you.

You look like

who did it and ran.

What are you doing down there

in that basement?

- Working on a cure

for dandruff.

- You spend too much time

down there, smart-ass.

- Did they say why she did it?

- What,

there has to be a reason?

You kids are all crazy,

out of control.

- Ma, what are you doing

to that thing?

- Cleaning it.

- I thought it was broken.

You were throwing it out.

- I am.

- So why are you cleaning it?

- I can't put something

this filthy out in the garbage.

People will think we're pigs.

- So you're cleaning

the garbage?

- Just eat

and mind your own business.

- You know, you should

really meet my friend jerry.

You guys both have a similar

healthy respect for garbage.

Sh*t.

I don't understand

how you can make food

that's hotter than actual flame.

- It's good for you that way.

- Yeah,

if you live on the sun.

Where's dad?

- Where do you think?

- Parenting seminar?

- Look...

I had two detectives here last

night looking for your brother.

Thank god your father

wasn't here.

- What did they want?

- They wouldn't tell me.

You know anything about this?

- No.

- I couldn't trust you guys

when I'm at work

to stay out of trouble.

Now I've got cops

coming to my door.

I don't know what to do

with the pair of you.

- What did I do?

- I don't know,

but there's something going on

down in that basement.

Don't make me have to

come down there after you.

- Ma, there's nothing going on

down in the basement.

- Don't you talk back to me.

- You just stay the hell

out of there.

That's all.

I find out

you're doing drugs down there,

I swear,

I'll break your legs.

- Well, what do you think

we should do, huh?

What's your big idea?

- You've got to fire

half of them.

I'm telling you.

- You looking for danny?

Who are you?

- I'm his brother.

- You're his partner in crime?

It's all right.

I'm the fella

your brother sells to.

There's some nice bulk liquor

coming my way.

- You're jimmy cheeks?

- Maybe so,

but nobody's

f***ing stupid enough

to call me that to my face.

- I'm very sorry,

mr. Cheeks.

- You work for whitey,

right?

How come he can afford

to pay you;

he can't afford to pay me?

- You're the one

that whitey owes?

- Don't ask so many

f***ing questions, huh?

If you're looking for danny,

he's picking up his friend ray.

- Prison-guy ray?

Oh, sorry, another question.

- Well,

he ain't good-samaritan ray.

That's for sure.

Danny's meeting him

at rikers island right now,

giving him a ride home.

Your brother is good that way.

He'd give you the shirt

off his back.

- Okay, well,

when he comes back,

can you tell him that I came by?

It's important.

- Yes, I will write that down

right now.

- Right, okay.

Well,

thanks for all your help.

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