Who Framed Roger Rabbit Page #6

VALIANT:

He's not my client. I was workin' for

R.K. Maroon.

DOOM:

Yes, we talked to Mr. Maroon. He told

us the rabbit became quite agitated

when you showed him the pictures, and

said nothing would stand in the way of

him getting his wife back. Is that

true?

VALIANT:

Hey, pal, do I look like a

stenographer?

LT. SANTINO

Watch your mouth, Eddie, he's a judge.

Doom smiles thinly at Valiant, tarns and walks with purpose

towards the door. Santino and Valiant follow.

DOOM:

The rabbit's movements are fairly clear

after leaving the Maroon Studios. He

ran across the street, jimmied this

door open, hoisted the safe on a block

and tackle...

EXT. ACME FACTORY

Doom leads them outside and indicates a window.

DOOM:

... then stood out here waiting for his

prey. After he cold-bloodedly

accomplished his task, he went home.

He was almost apprehended there by my

men.

Doom nods his head toward a group of sinister WEASLES (a la

Disney's "Wind In The Willows"). They're loitering by a

dogcatcher's wagon with "Toontown Control" on the side,

cleaning their fingernails with switchblades and polishing

Toon revolvers.

VALIANT:

Men? They look more like weasles to

me.

DOOM:

Yes, I find that weasles have a special

gift for the work.

(turns back to

Valiant)

The rabbit didn't contact you by any

chance, did he?

VALIANT:

Why would he contact me? I just took

some lousy pictures.

DOOM:

So you wouldn't have any idea where he

might be?

VALIANT:

Have you tried Walla Walla? Kokomo's

very nice this time of year.

Doom steps into Valiant's face.

DOOM:

I'm surprised you aren't more

cooperative, Mr. Valiant. A human has

been murdered by a Toon. Don't you

appreciate the magnitude of that? My

goal as Judge of Toontown, has been to

rein in the insanity. To bring a

semblance of law and order to a place

where no civilized person has ever been

able to step foot.

The only way to do that is to make the

Toons respect the law.

Suddenly a "YA-HA-HOOEY" interrupts his pontification, as a

scruffy little TOON GOPHER comes hurtling over the wall from

the Toontown side. He's holding his blackened rear end...

apparently the result of a run-in with a stick of dynamite.

BONK! The Gopher hits Doom in the back of the head, sending

them both sprawling. The Gopher picks himself up and shakes

off the effects of the concusion. When he sees who he's

knocked down, he panics.

GOPHER:

(petrified)

Judge Doom! Here, let me get that for

ya.

He whips a clothes brush out of his back pocket and furiously

tries to clean the Judge's cloak. Doom picks up the Gopher

by the scruff of the neck and gets to his feet.

DOOM:

Why, you filthy little vagrant, you've

soiled my robe!

GOPHER:

It's cleanin' up real good. Judge.

DOOM:

You've defiled a symbol of justice.

As Doom carries the Gopher to the "Toontown Control" wagon,

Valiant shoots a look to Santino.

VALIANT:

(aside)

Where'd this gargoyle come from anyway?

LT. SANTINO

No one knows. He bought the election

a few years back. He's been rulin'

Toontown ever since.

When Doom gets to the wagon, the Weasles open up the back.

In place of steel bars is a stream of fluid. A Weasle turns

a key and the flow of liquid stops. The Gopher starts

kicking furiously, trying to avoid the lock-up.

GOPHER:

Oh, no, Judge, please, please, lemme

go. I think I hear my mother callin'

me.

Finally, the Gopher breaks free and makes a desperate dash

for the wall. Doom watches him run and calmly turns to where

his car is parked. It's a black Lincoln touring car with an

ugly bird-like hood ornament.

DOOM:

Voltaire... the Gopher!

Suddenly. the hood ornament SQUAWKS to life. It's a hideous

TOON VULTURE. The Vulture flaps into flight.

Just as the Gopher is about to make it over the top of the

wall the Vulture's talons sink into his rear end and lift him

airborne. The Vulture drops the Gopher off with the Weasles.

They pin him down.

GOPHER:

Hey, don't I have any rights?

DOOM:

Yes, you do... to a swift and speedy

trial.

One of the Weasles retrieves a briefcase from the sedan, puts

it on the hood and snaps it open. Twelve TOON KANGAROOS pop

up, arranged in a jury box.

DOOM:

(continuing)

Court is now in session.

He raps the Gopher on the head with the gavel end of his

cane.

DOOM:

(continuing)

The defendant is charged with vagrancy,

assault and resisting arrest. How do

you find him?

The Kangaroo court delivers the verdict instantly. Twelve

LITTLE KANGAROOS pop up out of their Momma's pouches, holding

up small cards, each with a letter spelling Y-O-U A-R-E

G-U-I-L-T-Y.

DOOM:

(continuing)

Guilty as charged. Case closed!

Doom slams the briefcase shut. He turns his attention back

to the Gopher.

DOOM:

(continuing)

I hereby sentence you to the dip!

GOPHER:

Oh no, not the dip! Anything but the

dip! I'm too young to die...

As the Judge pulls on a black rubber glove, the Weasles take

out a stainless steel tub WHEEZING with sadistic glee. They

fill it from a spigot on the truck.

VALIANT:

What's with the dip?

LT. SANTINO

That's how he gets rid of the

troublemakers. It's a combination of

acetone, turpentine and paint remover.

He calls it the... Final Solution.

THE GOPHER:

is wriggling and SCREAMING bloody murder as Doom lifts him up

and holds him over the tub. Then, as he's lowered into the

solution, he starts to disappear. His pathetic SCREAMS are

snuffed MID-YELP.

GOPHER:

Help! Help! He...

The Gopher's gone. All that's left of him is a paint slick

on the surface of the liquid.

VALIANT:

Jesus.

Doom pulls off the black rubber gloves finger by finger and

hands them to a Weasle. He turns to Valiant.

DOOM:

They're not kid gloves, Mr. Valiant.

but that's how we handle things in

Toontown. I would think you'd

appreciate that.

He gets into his car, he pauses and looks back at Valiant.

DOOM:

(continuing)

After all, didn't a Toon kill your

brother?

INT. TERMINAL BAR - DAY

Dolores is behind the bar cutting lemon peels and preparing

for the day's bartending. There's one early customer, a

grey-haired TROLLEYMAN in his Red Car uniform. His hat's on

the stool next to him and he's already drunk. The door

opens. It's Valiant. He walks over to the bar, reaches for

a bottle and a shot glass and helps himself. Dolores picks

up a copy of the morning paper.

DOLORES:

Hey, Eddie, looks like you really

stepped in it this time.

VALIANT:

What are you complaining about? Here's

your fifty bucks.

Valiant slides the check across the bar.

TROLLEYMAN:

(mumbling to

himself)

Thirty-five years and all I got to show

for it is a ticket punch.

VALIANT:

What's with Earl?

DOLORES:

A new outfit bought the Red Car. Some

big company called Cloverleaf

Industries.

VALIANT:

No kiddin'? Bought the Red Cars, huh?

DOLORES:

Bastards put him on notice.

Valiant picks up his glass. lifts it in toast to the

Trolleyman.

VALIANT:

Here's to the pencil pushers. May they

all get lead poisoning.

Now the Trolleyman unsteadily climbs up on his stool to get

close to the Holy Grail... the Red Car route map over the

bar.

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