Who Made The Potatoe Salad? Page #3

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- I told you my mama's cooking was good.

- Good food, baby.

- You want something else to drink?

- No, I'm fine, baby.

I'm licking the plate.

Mom, I'm not gonna lie to you.

This food's off the hinges.

Got my stomach bubbling

and everything. Great.

- Yeah, I missed your cooking, Mama.

- Oh, thank you.

- It was great, baby.

- Thank you.

I gotta hand it you, Mrs. Jenkins,

that was a delicious meal.

Well, I am so glad you enjoyed it, Michael.

You didn't finish your pork chop, Michael.

Well, you know, I don't eat pork.

You don't what?

- I just don't eat pork.

- What kind of nigga don't eat pork?

What type of nigga?

You point one out and show me.

June Bug, why don't you

just leave him alone?

You don't smoke no weed,

you don't eat no pork.

What kind of nigga

don't eat pork? What's wrong?

You one of them Mussolinis

or something?

- Muslim. I'm not. And I'm not, but...

- You trying to correctionalize me?

- You try to correctionalize me?

- June Bug?

- Oh, I get it. I get it.

- I'm sick of this.

A pig that don't eat pig.

Oh, Jake.

Dad, I used to be getting your jokes.

I don't really...

I don't get that one. What do you mean?

Your sister Ashley here,

has brought a pig into our family.

This motherf***er right here, June Bug,

is one-time.

You a police officer? You got me...

You got me riding around with this cop?

Why did you have to tell him that?

Okay, okay, this has gone too far.

- You a one-time?

- This has gone too far.

The point where

the cops go home. Relax, all right?

You relax. You want me to relax?

My father ate pork. Your father ate pork.

Her father ate pork.

- Okay, hold on!

- Daddy, stop!

Wait a minute. Now, stop, Daddy.

Come on, don't be upset.

My father and brother are just like that.

You know?

- What, this is normal for you?

- No.

I just know how they are, you know?

Especially my dad, you know, he's just...

I don't know.

He's just real stuck in his ways.

Yeah, I can see that. Sh*t.

Don't be upset, all right?

- I'll make it up to you.

- I know what that means.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Ashley,

now you know goddamn well,

you know better.

Let's go, Shaft. You on the couch tonight.

Thank you.

You need to go, Shaft.

"Shaft, go sleep on the couch."

Shaft this, Shaft that.

Keep calling me Shaft.

I've got your shaft right here.

Ashley,

- how old are you?

- Twenty-four.

Remember this, you ain't never too old

to get your ass whipped.

And chop that up in your head a little bit.

Who the hell has a plastic couch

in this day and age?

Sweat out five pounds

sleeping on this damn bed.

I can't even get freaking comfortable...

God damn!

Gotta listen to this sh*t all night.

God damn.

F***! All right, come on, just relax.

Just relax. Just relax.

Just relax, come on. Just relax.

Just relax. Damn.

How come she's upstairs?

You better knock that sh*t off, Lil' Ray.

Last time I'll tell you, boy.

I swear for God, next time,

I'll have you go get me a switch.

Ray, he's just being a kid.

Mmm-hmm.

Ray Ray. Ray Ray.

Hit me again

and you won't wake up till next week.

That's why you can't dooky,

'cause you don't eat no damn vegetables.

Look here, when is sleeping booty

gonna wake his ass up anyway?

I don't know. Why don't we find out?

- Hey, Shaft!

- Oh, Jake!

Shaft, wake it up.

- Whoa, Shaft!

- Jake, be nice.

Wake it up there, boy.

Ashley's sister Mookie

is here.

And her whole family

are dying to meet you.

Come on in

and have some breakfast with us, honey.

- Morning, everybody. Morning, baby.

- Good morning.

How you doing? I'm Michael.

God damn, boy,

you need to brush your teeth.

It smell like you got a naked demon

in your mouth.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- What did you eat last night? Sh*t?

- Hey, let me go brush. Let me go brush.

I'm just playing, baby. I'm just playing.

I'm just playing with you, dawg.

Okay, you got me. You got me.

- I'm Ray Ray.

- Ray Ray. Ray Ray.

- This is my wife, Mookie.

- Hi! It's nice to meet you.

That's my little bad-ass son,

right there. Ray Jr.

That's Lil' Ray. Holler.

Holler back.

Go on, have a seat, Michael.

Help yourself to some breakfast.

Mookie cooked breakfast for us

this morning.

All right. Thank you, Mookie,

'cause I sure am hungry.

That's right. Go on and help yourself

to some of that pork sausage.

Brought that straight from Georgia.

- Yeah.

- Good pork sausage.

Ray Ray,

- you know, Michael here don't eat no pork.

- What?

Mmm-hmm.

Daddy, why don't you just

shut up sometimes?

Girl, you're about to get

your f***ing head knocked off.

Don't you ever tell your daddy to shut up.

I'll turn this goddamn table over on you.

- Hut, hut!

- Straight ahead...

There you go, there you go,

there you go.

Touchdown, baby.

- Jenkins, I tell you, them boys ain't sh*t.

- Oh, they dig it into that ass there, boy.

Go through this every year.

Every goddamn year.

Hey, Ray Ray, it's good to see you,

you know.

Now, you're gonna be at the picnic, right?

'Cause I need you to bring

some of that pork. Those sausages.

I can't do it, man. I gotta take Lil' Ray Jr.

to the doctor. Boy ain't dookied in a week.

The boy ain't boo-booed in a whole week?

Hell, no. I'm worried about him, man.

The little ass just backed up.

I told you he don't eat enough

goddamned vegetables.

Yeah, you gotta eat vegetables.

Hey, how's it going in here, fellas, hey?

What we got going? What we got going?

Who's playing?

- Let me move over some, boy.

- We got room.

What the f*** did you do?

Take a bath in the goddamn cologne?

Yeah, boy, what kind of French sh*t is that

you're wearing?

It's called Yves Jean Ren.

- Chardonnay. Ain't that a liquor, boy?

- No.

No.

I'm just playing with you, boy.

We're here watching the game.

Hey. You!

That's my team right there.

That's my team.

They ain't sh*t.

They're losing like a motherf***er.

I told you they ain't sh*t, Jenkins.

All right, so, what do you do

for a living there, Mike?

- Well, I'm...

- Ray Ray, your boy Mike is a pig.

What's that?

The mascot for a local rib joint

or food chain or something?

No, no, no.

Pig as in pig. Po-po. Five-O. Johnny Law.

Oh. Locking motherfuckers up.

Okay. How long have you been doing that?

As long as they've been letting

sell-out niggas like this on the force.

- About five years.

- Oh, really?

Yeah. Yeah.

I like that shirt.

Where did you get that shirt?

- You like this?

- Yeah, no, I like it. Yeah.

Yeah, boy, this is some sexy sh*t, ain't it?

I'm a trash man.

You got that out of the trash?

Well, you find a lot of surprising stuff

in the trash.

All types of good sh*t you can use.

Toothpaste, lotion, soap,

mouthwash, breath mints.

Lot of good sh*t in the trash.

Young blood, help me out.

Go get the door for me.

- Get the goddamn door.

- Yeah, no, I was planning on getting it.

Yeah.

Jenkins, why didn't you tell me

this motherf***er was a cop, man?

You know I'm on probation.

- Hola.

- Hola.

You are June Boog? Or June Bug?

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