Whoopee! Page #7

Don't you know I'm the

sheriff of this outfit?

Look down.

Look down, below is sin.

Above is virtue,

look up. Look up.

Let the thief

be known.

HENRY:
Let him be known.

Hold him, too.

Only one left.

Well, I guess I won

the spelling bee!

Sit down!

Do you dare answer the

questions I ask you?

Yes, you smothered

lamb chop.

Now, I'll speak

one word.

You answer at once

with just one word

suggested by

the word I speak.

Ready?

Shoot!

Sun!

Hot!

Rain!

Wet!

Crime!

Jail!

Sheriff!

Boob!

What?

Sit down.

It came out of me.

I can't help myself.

BOB:
Sit down!

Dad, this man is innocent.

If he was guilty,

he could never hold those

plates under my questioning.

I thought you were gonna find

out who committed this holdup.

My boy, you

made a mistake.

Henry Williams,

I know you.

Oh, but please don't give me away,

Miss Custer.

How did you ever keep

those plates from falling?

I knew what he

was going to do,

so I put glue on my

fists. That's all.

(CHUCKLES)

There you are.

MAN 1:
Tell that to me.

Henry Williams knows something about this,

more than he's telling you.

MAN 2:

They're gonna find out about him pretty soon.

Say, boys, if you find Henry,

promise you won't hurt him,

or I won't invite

you to our wedding.

We didn't know you were

gonna marry Henry.

He doesn't know it.

(ALL LAUGHING)

But, gee, Miss Custer,

we ain't got clothes for no wedding.

Say, you can be

high-hat in a Stetson!

Why, I had an uncle

by the name of Jerry

And he was a cowboy, too

He was a cowboy, too

Set the styles

for miles and miles

Ask my uncle by

the name of Jerry

What the well-dressed

man should wear

And in conjunction

with the social function

You could hear

my uncle declare

Come on along and wear your

Stetson Can't go wrong with a Stetson

You're in wrong

without a Stetson

High-hat, my hat

You intend to

be some dresser

I'm your friend,

and I mean yes, sir

You should be

the proud possessor

Of a sky-high Stetson hat

(MEN WHOOPING)

Now I feel all right.

I'm all right.

I'm all right. I feel good.

I feel good. I'm all right.

Don't worry.

I'll handle this,

and I'll handle it right.

Did you find

Henry Williams?

No, there's not

a trace of him here.

Hello, Sheriff.

Henry Williams!

ALL:
Henry Williams!

Henry Williams!

I'll kill him!

No. I'll kill him.

After what he did to me,

I'll kill him.

Well, make up your mind.

Who's gonna do it?

Why, you...

Say, listen here, you...

(ALL CLAMORING)

A fine bunch of

cowards you guys are,

running away from a

pill-chewing tenderfoot.

Come on!

Sheriff, don't.

Come out of there, you pop-eyed,

anemic, dying frog.

If you ain't out by the time I count three,

I'll fill you full of lead.

One, two...

(ENGINE BACKFIRING)

Suffering coyotes!

He's got Sally with him!

Sally, how do

you feel?

I'm all right.

How do you feel?

I'll find out.

Wanenis stay

now forever?

This life

best for you.

You have tried the way of the white man,

and you know that it is bad.

Forget white people.

Live here. Marry Matafay.

(INDIAN EXCLAIMS)

Look, Jewish

traffic cops.

(SPEAKING LOCAL LANGUAGE)

Oh, say,

aren't we all?

Listen, don't get too fresh with me.

I'll tell Wanenis.

Hey, man, what're

you gonna do?

What are you gonna do?

Listen! What did I say?

SALLY:
Henry.

Where are you going?

(SPEAKING LOCAL LANGUAGE)

Why you come here?

Listen, I'll tell you,

it's a long story.

First,

you listen me.

You want be friend

with Indians?

I'm friendly with everybody.

I even like my broker!

Sit down!

Smoke pipe peace.

Smoke.

No, no, me want hot

chocolate. No, no.

No can have.

Smoke.

Wait.

Give me a chance, I'll tell you.

Old bicycle tires?

Let him see.

You ever see

me before?

Bless my soul!

If it isn't old Black Eagle!

Old Black Eagle,

that old man Segal

(BLACK EAGLE MOANS)

(ALL MOANING SEQUENTIALLY)

It's an epidemic!

Pipe,

you know what it mean when we smoke pipe?

Many years ago,

white man, Indian fight.

After fight, sit down,

smoke pipe peace together.

Yeah, then white

man fall asleep,

Indian take ax,

give white man haircut.

I know that stuff.

Go ahead take it. I don't want it.

Smoke.

You tell truth,

we friends.

You lie, enemies.

Red man never lie.

No, well, then,

just for my own information, listen,

was there anything between

Pocahontas and John Smith?

Oh, Chiefy, Chiefy?

Pocahontas, good,

beautiful girl.

Yes, yes.

John Smith, big,

handsome man, and...

Don't tell me the rest.

I read the True Story

magazine.

Pocahontas save

John Smith.

Yeah, why didn't she do

something for his brother Al?

His brother Al?

Yes, and I don't

mean Jolson. Mammy.

Smoke.

This make us friend.

Yeah.

This make me sick.

Pardon me,

is that a wind-blown bob you have?

Say, look, since you

got your hair cut,

how do you keep

your wig warm?

(BLACK EAGLE MOANS)

See, you're still

doing that.

If you took that bicarbonate

of soda when I told you,

you'd have been

all right now.

Oh,

I'm afraid I'll have to leave the room.

No, stay!

Oh, Chief, please.

Where's your wigwam? Quick!

(SPEAKING LOCAL LANGUAGE)

We're gonna have something to eat, huh?

Well, that's fine.

Say, I'm satisfied.

Henry, what are

you doing here?

Wanenis,

I'd never know you without your shirt on.

He's cute, isn't he?

BLACK EAGLE:
Heap much.

(CHUCKLES)

And what's the idea

of the summer shutters?

What a funny place

for fishing tackle.

Wanenis, listen.

You were the only one we

could come to for protection.

The sheriff wants to hang me because

I helped Sally run away from him.

Yes, but why did you

run away with her?

Don't you know

that I love Sally?

Sure, you love Sally.

I know you love Sally.

You know he

love Sally.

You boys know

he love...

You want to give

me a rubdown now?

Henry, where is she?

I left her in the flivver

down on the trail.

On the trail?

Yes.

I must go to her.

Oh, for heaven...

Just let me take a nap.

I'll be all right.

I'll be all right.

I'll be all right.

I feel good.

I feel good.

Yours?

(GRUNTS)

Wholesale...

I mean bigamy!

What mean "bigamy"?

Bigamy means that you cannot

marry two or three women.

Black Eagle no can have two,

three women?

Who say you

no can have?

I said you can't marry

two or three women.

Oh, marry.

(LAUGHS)

(EXCLAIMS KNOWINGLY)

He's a dirty Indian.

(CHUCKLING)

I like you.

Come, I make you

belong tribe. Come.

What does he mean?

He's gonna make me for an Indian?

(LAUGHING)

Me. Big Chief Izzy Horowitz.

Well, I don't know...

BLACK EAGLE:
Come. Come.

Today, my people are celebrating

my return to the tribe.

From now on,

I shall live as an Indian.

You can't do that.

I'm through with the

white man and his ways.

My one drop of Indian blood

makes your people hate me.

I don't hate you.

I love you.

I love you too, Sally.

More than my life.

But we can never marry.

When the winter's over

When the summer's through

When there's

prairie clover

I'll still

belong to you

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