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Why Him? Page #12
at the table, bro.
You did. He told me,
dad. He was, like...
"You're gonna
get that seat."
I can't believe
I finally got the seat.
Dragons and titties, baby.
Dragons and titties!
Breathe that fire.
Get up in there.
Get up in those titties!
Gonna get those dragons.
Dad...
Scotty!
Stop motorboating your dad,
and elevator pitch me.
Sorry. Uh...
Laird, I can't stop thinking
about your toilets, dude.
My toilets?
Yeah.
The fresh feeling,
the scented talc.
I was thinking if you can
get the controls in English
and maybe lower the price
point a little bit,
we could have
a potentially untapped
market here in America.
Oh, sh*t.
Right?
And look, we can contact
a Japanese manufacturer
about pricing...
Ooh.
No, Scotty. Pardon my French,
but f*** that noise.
Whoa.
Listen. We have a factory
right here in grand rapids
with 37 of the best employees
you're ever gonna want.
Let's build our own.
Hells yes, grateful Ned! Yeah!
Boom!
Okay, sorry. Yeah.
It turned out to be a pretty
cool holiday after all, huh?
It did, son.
Dude.
What?
Told you you'd be calling
me "son" by Christmas.
Oh.
That's just a figure of speech.
Sure, dad.
Hello there, you gang!
It is I, Gustav.
It's so great to see you!
Hey, what do you think
of the new facial hair, huh?
so you know...
I'm trying to do this
whole kind of
Paul Bunyan, Midwestern thing.
I wanted to fill it all out.
So Scotty, laird, and Ned
took the printing company...
Turned it into
a toilet factory...
And it's going great!
The toilet is water efficient
und eco-friendly.
It's state of the art.
I'm telling you, they have
invented the Tesla of toilets!
It's amazing.
Barbara has made sure
that each toilet
has a state of the art
vaginal cleanse.
You know
exactly what I'm saying.
Every single model
comes with Justine.
She knows
if you need a little sploosh
or if you actually need
the fountains
of the Bellagio up there.
Scotty has finally
got his seat at the table.
It's beautiful.
He went a little too far
with the dragons,
and the titties,
and the motorboating.
Oy vey.
Oh, miss Stephanie.
She had the idea to link
the Fleming-Mayhew company
with the new foundation.
So now, they're sponsoring
sewage projects
all over the third world.
I told you.
Smart, smart, smart girl.
So, things are working out
really well for the gang here.
The company is
a smashing success.
And my dear laird
has finally gotten
what he's always wanted.
To be part of a family.
All right, ciao for now,
you friends.
Until we meet again.
Laird, it doesn't count as
a sneak attack if I can see...
F*** you, goose!
Scheisse!
Captioned by deluxe
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"Why Him?" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2025. Web. 24 Feb. 2025. <https://www.scripts.com/script/why_him_23439>.
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