Wife Vs. Secretary Page #2

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well, I think the value lies

in the copy and not the picture.

Yes, but how do you know

they'll read the copy?

What's to prevent them

from turning the page? The Bucknall girl?

Oh, no. Now, two pages ahead of that,

there'll probably be a Bucknall girl

selling cigarettes,

and two pages after, mouthwash.

No, that needs some little trick

to keep them glued to the page.

Read it again.

"Stop!

"Do you know what is happening to you?

"Where does your lipstick go

when it is gone? Does it evaporate? No!

- "There is no nourishment in paint..."

- I think I've got it.

We'll use the Bucknall girl,

but do you know what she'll be doing?

She'll be seated at a drug store counter,

a very pretty girl,

with a straw in her mouth,

and she'll be drinking a soda.

Well, that'll give her a chance to pout,

and play up her pretty lips.

Now, instead of having

her straw stuck in a soda,

it'll be stuck in a sloppy can of paint.

She'll be drinking paint,

it'll say so right on the can.

- What do you think of that?

- I like that very much, V.S.

I like it, too, Joe.

- You get that, Whitey?

- Yes, V.S.

Now, straighten it out with Bucknall.

What's next?

Mr. Harrington, concerning

the Pandora Cold Cream account.

- On your feet, Hal.

- V.S., I think I'm going to bring

a depressing note into the proceedings.

We've had the Pandora Cold Cream

account for nine years,

and we've always received the bulk

of their appropriation.

This year, however,

our allowance has been cut exactly in half.

They claim they're finding they have

to appeal more to the general public,

and for the first time in their history,

they're contemplating going

into a five-cent magazine,

- the National Weekly.

- Yes, we've had that argument before, Hal.

They're not going to get very far

trying to sell a $2 jar of cold cream

- in a five-cent magazine.

- But that's it, V.S.

Their $2 cold cream now sells for $1.25.

Well, I'll think about it.

- That's all, isn't it, Whitey?

- That's all.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I thank you for a very interesting

and stimulating afternoon.

- Now we'll have to take a vacation.

- Simon Legree Stanhope.

- It was an interesting meeting.

- Yes.

- Whitey, you know what I'm going to do?

- No.

Stanhope Publications

are going to buy National Weekly.

No, V. S.

We're going to make

a darn good stab at it.

Hal's right,

we're losing a lot of advertising

to the low-priced publications.

National Weekly is

a great piece of property right now,

and with our editorial

and promotion machine,

we could build it into the largest five-cent

weekly in the country.

But will Underwood sell it?

Well, Underwood's an old codger,

and about ready to hang up his sword.

And what about the Hanson House crowd?

That's the one danger.

If Hanson House should get wind of this,

they'd get to Underwood with their bid

before I could get organized.

So we'll have to start

carefully and secretly.

And we'll start right now.

Get Underwood on the phone.

- He's probably at his Oyster Bay place.

- Yes, V.S.

No, no. No, let's not use our switchboard.

Oyster Bay 1-1-7-0.

Twenty cents.

Hello. Is Mr. Underwood in?

Mr. Stanhope calling.

He'll see if he's home.

One moment, please.

Hello?

Hello, Mr. Underwood. How are you?

I haven't seen you since the convention.

How's your back?

Oh, that's too bad.

Oh, I just thought

I'd like to ask you to lunch.

It's nothing special,

just talk about the weather and life.

Here, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

- Please.

- Oh, pardon.

That's rich, J.D. That's very funny.

- Hello, Mrs. Stanhope.

- Hello, Miss Wilson.

- Is Mr. Stanhope in?

- Hello, sweet...

Mimi, darling!

I'm warning you, I don't intend paying

any more of your gambling debts.

Oh, Van, don't be so silly.

What will the young lady think?

I keep no secrets from my secretary.

- Miss Wilson, my mother.

- How do you do, Mrs. Stanhope?

How do you do?

Your mother would like to see

your new office, and so would I.

Well, go right in, ladies.

Open to the public weekdays, 3:00 to 5:00.

Don't stay too long, darling,

I'm up to my eyes.

We won't stay long.

I'm positive I've got some figures

on their net circulation in my files.

Dig them out, will you?

Well,

I must say, this isn't exactly

my idea of a business office.

- Oh, what is it your idea of?

- I shouldn't like to say.

Why, Mimi, what do you mean?

What do you know about such places?

No, no, of course. Don't be silly.

It's very pretty. Very, very pretty.

Whitey did it all while I was away.

I don't see why you didn't use Mr. Dorian.

He's been our decorator for over 20 years.

Because I use Whitey...

Miss Wilson, my secretary.

- He calls her "Whitey."

- Yes, I'm afraid he does.

- Look, isn't it comfortable?

- Yes,

I don't see any reason

why he should ever come home at all.

- Well, I think of myself as a sort of reason.

- Oh, dear.

You've done wonders, Miss Whitey.

I'm so happy you like it, Mrs. Stanhope.

Now then, ladies, as breathtaking

and alluring as you both are...

Yes, I know. We're going.

Come along, Mimi darling,

before we're turned out.

You know, Whitey, the thing for me to do

is to memorize everything

we've got on this,

and then forget it by tomorrow.

Jake, you suppose you could be home by...

That old buzzard's as smart as a whip.

I'll bet he knows our figures better than

we know his.

I haven't been one to give you

much advice in the past, have I, dear?

You've been an absolutely model

mother-in-law, Mimi.

All right then,

I'm going to give you some now.

Get rid of that secretary of Van's.

Miss Wilson?

- Van couldn't live without her.

- I hope not with her.

I assure you he doesn't.

You know, my dear, I've seen much more

of the world than you have,

and more of the Stanhope men.

Van is very like his father:

warm-hearted, impulsive, active,

and temptation

ought not to be put in their way.

Mimi darling, all Van's life

is spent with attractive women,

not only Miss Wilson,

but the girls who model dresses,

the lovely actresses

whose pictures he runs.

If once I started to be suspicious...

Oh, I don't want you to be suspicious.

I only want you to be prudent.

I want you to protect yourself

and Van against all danger.

What's all this red flag-waving?

My protection, as you call it,

and Van's, too, for that matter,

is to love and trust each other

more than anything.

That's simple and very dear, Mimi darling.

You're not a jealous person, are you?

I haven't time to be.

Besides, if I were,

I'd destroy the very thing Van loves in me.

I try to make his life smooth and pleasant,

the very opposite of all that back there.

The worry, action, achievement.

I want to be a refuge from all that.

To laugh, or just be quiet with him.

There's no room for jealousy there,

is there?

I see your point of view, dear,

and it's all very modern and noble.

Nevertheless,

I advise you to get rid of Miss Wilson.

Never.

She's as important to him downtown,

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