Wife Vs. Secretary Page #6

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because someone thinks

something smutty.

Then I'll ask it for another reason,

as a favor,

as though you asked me

to dismiss Simpson.

But that's not a fair comparison.

Whitey's different than a servant.

I know, but other people

don't understand that.

- They think... How different?

- Other people?

Since when are we concerned

with what other people think?

Linda, someone hearing you would think

you were putting on an act of jealousy.

I'm not jealous.

Although most wives would have been

a long time ago.

Oh, darling.

This conversation's getting pretty dull,

and certainly unpleasant.

Aren't you going to do it?

No, I'm not, dear.

- Take me to the club.

- Yes, sir.

Just a pair of jacks.

Pair of kings.

Horseshoe Stanhope.

You're holding six cards again, Van.

That's the third time, sucker.

Come around more often.

I don't know how that happened.

- Whose deal?

- Mine.

Mrs. Stanhope on the phone, sir.

- I'm out.

- Okay.

Yes?

Van,

come home.

Darling, I'll be right there.

Good night.

- Good night.

- Good night.

Hey, Pat, bring my coat and hat.

Hurry up, hurry up.

Come on.

Hey, taxi! Taxi!

Come on, come on, come on!

All right.

Linda.

Darling.

It all happened because

I love you so much.

- No, no, no, darling. It was all my fault.

- No, no, it was mine. Honest, it was.

No, you were right about Whitey.

She gets that new job tomorrow.

- She deserves it.

- No, no, please.

She should be your secretary.

You're used to her.

Promise me you'll keep her.

Darling, we're going on a little vacation:

Havana, Bermuda, Nassau.

- When?

- In a couple of weeks.

You get yourself a lot of nice things,

and stand by for a two-minute notice.

- Oh, my darling.

- Oh, sweetie.

I shouldn't have left you out

in that car so long.

My poor little Linda

with her little runny nose.

You'll catch my cold.

Who, me? I never caught a cold in my life.

Why, you've got a cold, V.S.,

and on such a nice morning,

it must be maddening.

Perfectly all right.

It's worth a million dollars.

Underwood sent you over

the National Weekly data,

- and I put it in your little safe.

- That's fine.

We got most of the figures,

but I imagine it'll take us at least a week

to get everything together

for the board meeting.

What is it? What's a matter?

Oh, nothing, nothing.

I was just noticing something.

What?

There's an old Chinese proverb that says,

"If you want to keep a man honest,

never call him a liar."

Well, I don't know anything

about Chinamen,

but I do know you've got a good week's

work getting those figures together.

It's all right.

Set aside an hour every afternoon.

And for the final compilation,

you better hire your own private

little auditor from the outside,

- you know.

- Yes, V.S.

Oh, yes, and look,

put all those papers in the little safe.

I said I did.

One moment, please.

Will Mr. Stanhope

take the Havana call now?

I can't call him for a minute, yet.

Ask the operator to hold the call.

Give me a total on that.

Well, it doesn't look as though the old

rascal exaggerated his circulation figures.

That it?

Well, about.

I'm a thousand or so off, I'm afraid.

Well, that auditor you're bringing in

can give you the real check.

Hour's up, Whitey. Let's quit.

What do you think

your board of directors will think

- about your buying National Weekly?

- Well, I can handle them.

But I'm just thinking.

Perhaps that old fox Underwood

might be giving me too much rope.

- Oh, come on, huh?

- Exactly.

He finds out

whether I'm going to buy or not,

and then he submits a proposition

to Hanson House,

who will probably pay twice

as much as we can afford,

just to keep Stanhope out

of the low-priced field.

I wonder.

Yes? Well, put him on, please.

It's Harrington from Havana.

Hello.

Hello, Hal. How's your stomachache?

Why, it's fine.

In fact, I haven't got it anymore.

No, no. I have something else, though,

but it isn't a stomachache.

Well, the doctor says it's appendicitis,

and in 20 minutes

he's going to take this employee of yours,

and put him under ether.

I'm sorry it had to happen

at a time like this, V.S.,

with the convention just starting.

Don't you worry, Hal.

You just relax and take your time

about coming back.

Yes, you better stay down there

a couple of weeks. It'll do you good.

That's all right.

Keep your fingers crossed. Goodbye.

Now, that's tough. Appendicitis.

And only yesterday he was sitting here

complaining of having a stomachache.

Well, who's gonna cover

the convention now?

I don't know. I'll send Miller, I guess.

V.S., I think it might be a good idea

for you to go yourself.

Me? I haven't done that in years.

That's work.

Underwood's there, you know.

Hey, what's the matter with me?

Of course he is.

If your worry about Hanson House

has any basis,

it wouldn't do any harm

to follow him around a bit, would it?

Whitey, you're a modern Mata Hari.

This'll be a good excuse

for being there, too.

Book me on the first plane to Havana,

and call Mrs. Stanhope.

Tell her to have my things ready.

Yes, sir.

- Goodbye, Ellen.

- Goodbye, madam.

I've been waiting for that call

for two weeks.

I knew everything I was going to pack.

I've been over it in my mind

a dozen times.

I've a special reason

for wanting to go on this trip.

Why?

Well, we had a fight, sort of.

And it was my fault.

And you've been so busy, I haven't had

a chance to make it up to you.

I want this to be

a sort of second honeymoon.

Oh, my darling.

You know, Linda, sometimes

I just sit in the office and think about us.

And I try to be very fair about it,

and I am, too.

And I say to myself,

"Who are you to think

that you're entitled to Linda?

"Are you good enough for her?"

Then I say to myself, "No."

Then I say to myself,

"Well, who is entitled to her?

"Is anybody good enough for her?"

Then I say to myself, "No."

Then I say to myself,

"Well, you're as little entitled to her

as anybody else, so you hold right on."

And I'm holding.

So you think

you're doing the holding, huh?

If you ever let go,

you'll find out whom's attached to who.

How long are we staying in Havana,

a whole week?

No, dear.

Oh, I don't care if it's only a few days.

We just won't go to sleep, that's all.

Linda,

Harrington's having his appendix out

in Havana right this minute,

and somebody has to be

at that advertising convention.

Don't say I'm not going.

But, darling, this isn't our Havana trip.

We're still going to have it,

and not for two days, but for two weeks.

I don't mind two days.

I just feel like going now.

Take me along, Jake.

Oh, but, darling, I wouldn't have

any time for you, not really.

I'll have to be at the convention

during the day

and with Underwood at night.

Well, I don't want much time, really.

I just wanna see you for five minutes

every day while you're shaving.

Oh, darling,

I'm going to miss you so much.

Call me every day.

Twice a day.

Twice a day.

This way, please.

- Won't you sit down, Mr. Jenkins?

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