Wild Hogs Page #5

DUDLEY:

I was trying to keep my face out of the

wind.

WOODY:

I felt you smell my hair!

DOUG:

Guys! Come on. Let's go get a brew.

I'm buying.

Doug heads into the bar.

BOB:

You're cool with the carbs?

Doug pauses, without turning around.

DOUG:

(MUMBLES)

I can have a light.

Doug continues into the bar, but now with less swagger.

INT. "BYKER'S ISLAND" BIKER BAR - A MOMENT LATER

The guys are sitting at a worn table. The place is

crowded with curiously gentle-looking bikers. Woody

looks around the bar with a smirk.

WOODY:

Man, I wish we could find a place that

wasn't so freaking lame.

BOB:

What are you talking about? This place

is cool. We're with other bikers.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 17.

Suddenly, a large, bald biker comes up and slams a beer

down on their table.

BALD BIKER:

(ANGRILY)

Wild Hogs aren't welcome here!

The guys all look at him for a beat - then the Bald guy

cracks a smile.

DOUG:

Hey, Paul.

PAUL laughs at his joke.

PAUL:

Hey, guys... Woody, your tax return is

almost done, but I want to talk to you

next week about incorporating. A lot of

my executive clients have been--

WOODY:

Yeah, Paul. I'll talk to you about it on

the trip.

PAUL:

Yeah, we'll talk about in Daytona.

(angrily, to group)

What the hell are you staring at!?

Paul glares at the other guys for a beat, then cracks up.

PAUL (CONT'D)

(LAUGHING)

See you guys.

Paul exits. Woody shakes his head.

WOODY:

This place sucks. Why are we going to

Daytona with these posers?

DOUG:

Because it's Bike Week. That's our

annual trip, Woody. We're Wild Hogs.

WOODY:

We're not Wild Hogs. That's a patch your

wife made and we all had to sew it on our

jackets so she didn't feel bad.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 18.

DOUG:

Hey! She took an embroidery class for

those. What has your wife ever made us?

BOB:

(QUIETLY)

Hard.

WOODY:

Hey!?

BOB:

Sorry. I didn't... Don't tell her.

DOUG:

It's not a big secret, Bob. She's a

swimsuit model. She's hot. I mean, so

is my Kelly. She's very hot. Even after

ten years. Not that I'm not still good

looking...

Doug looks at the guys. They don't respond.

WOODY:

We're not going to say you're hot, man.

DOUG:

Because it's gay, or because I'm not?

WOODY:

There's no non-gay response to that.

DUDLEY:

(TO DOUG)

If I were a girl, I'd be attracted to

you.

WOODY:

Point proven.

BOB:

Well, Kelly must still think you're hot.

Ten years, man. How's that feel?

DOUG:

I don't know. Good, I guess. Is ten the

silver anniversary?

DUDLEY:

No, that's the 25th. Ten is aluminum.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 19.

DOUG:

Aluminum? Like, siding?

(considers, then)

Yeah, that feels about right. Aluminum

is sturdy, lightweight... recycled.

Woody smiles and puts a map down on the table.

WOODY:

--And ready for the trip of a lifetime.

The guys look at the map, puzzled.

DOUG:

We don't need a map for Daytona. We just

follow the group.

Woody takes a drink from his beer, then looks at the

group with a mischievous fire behind his eyes.

WOODY:

Not if we don't go on the Daytona trip.

DOUG:

What?

DUDLEY:

Noooo!!

WOODY:

Guys, listen to me. It's time for a

change. Let's go on our own trip this

year. Just us, like it was in college.

Forget these guys. Forget Daytona beach.

Bike Week is just corporate white guys

playing dress up. This bar is, too. And

we didn't get into this to play dress up -

we got in this to live. "Be cool and

Ride free." That's the Wild Hog creed.

DOUG:

No, it's not. It's the slogan for the

Downtown trolley.

WOODY:

I know. But, it works as our creed, too.

So let's live it!

DUDLEY:

But, I boogie board in Daytona. Can't

our creed be "Be cool and boogie board?"

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 20.

WOODY:

No. That's dumb, Dudley. Let the big

people talk.

DOUG:

Well, what kind of trip are you

suggesting? Another bike week somewhere?

WOODY:

No. That's the best part. We don't do

some planned out trip. We follow the

open road. U.S. 50. The backbone of

America. We take a week and go all the

way to San Francisco. Think about it,

guys. Camping out, stopping wherever we

want, whenever we want... Just freedom.

When was the last time we had that?

The guys consider this, but look sceptical.

BOB:

I don't know, man.

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