Wild Hogs Page #6

WOODY:

You're afraid to ask your wife.

BOB:

(COVERING)

No...

WOODY:

(TO DOUG)

What do you think?

DOUG:

Well, Daytona isn't the "backbone of

America," but it is a tradition. We've

been riding with this club for years. Do

we really want to miss out on that?

One of the bikers, KENT, approaches carrying a box.

KENT:

Hey, dudes. Check these out.

Kent holds up a sleeveless t-shirt with a big cartoon guy

on a motorcycle - with the words "Born to Be Wild!

Daytona ride, 2005." It's horrifying.

KENT (CONT'D)

We're all going to wear these on the

trip.

(MORE)

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 21.

KENT (CONT'D)

That way everyone will know we're from

the Cincinnati chapter. It'll also get

you ten percent off at T.G.I.Fridays.

DUDLEY:

Cool! Born to be wild!

Dudley grabs a shirt and starts to pull it over the t-

shirt he already has on. Woody gives a look to Bob and

Doug.

DOUG:

Look, We'll talk about it tomorrow. But

we don't need some trip to go "live." We

are living. Free and wild.

SMASH CUT TO:

INT. DOUG'S HOUSE - THE NEXT EVENING

The anniversary party is in full swing. DOUG is watching

several guests dish steaming pasta and cream sauce out of

a chaffing dish. He looks down at his plate of field

greens and skinless chicken breast.

DOUG:

(TO HIMSELF)

Free and wild.

Doug looks around the party. Several middle-aged couples

are dancing on the living room floor. Others mingle,

laughing... Everyone is having a great time, except Doug,

who stands there, listless.

Kelly walks up and kisses him on the cheek.

KELLY:

Hey, sweetie. Having fun?

DOUG:

Yeah. It's getting pretty late, though.

Maybe we should kill the music. Drop a

hint.

KELLY:

It's eight O'Clock. It started at seven.

DOUG:

oh.

(THEN)

Still, that's late. We should just

flicker the lights on and off. People

will get it.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 22.

KELLY:

People are having fun. Look at the

Miltons.

ANGLE ON:
THE LIVING ROOM. A happy-looking couple, THE

MILTONS, are dancing around to Prince's "1999." Doug

laughs.

DOUG:

Oh, man. There should be laws against

that... Is Fred having a seizure?

KELLY:

No, Fred's having a good time. With his

wife. Remember what that was like?

DOUG:

Hey, we have fun all the time. But I'm

not going to let myself look like that.

He wears dress socks with shorts, too.

I've seen it. Do you want me to do that?

KELLY:

I don't care. Why do you?

Doug searches for a response, as ROGER, 70, Kelly's Dad,

clinks his wine glass at the front of the room.

ROGER:

Excuse me, everybody. I have a little

toast. For my daughter and her husband.

Roger winks at Doug and Kelly. Doug smiles weakly.

DOUG:

(sotto, to Kelly)

He's drunk. We should do something.

ROGER:

I want to start by saying how proud I am

of my son-in-law.

DOUG:

(sotto, to Kelly)

--No, he's fine. Let him talk.

ROGER:

Now, I have to make an admission. Ten

years ago, when Doug and Kelly got

married. I was worried. Doug was a

little wild...

The guests laugh. Doug gives an unsure chuckle.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 23.

ROGER (CONT'D)

I mean, he had that old trans-am with the

huge engine... Remember how he'd peel

out of anywhere? Even the grocery

parking lot after buying baby formula?

The guests laugh again. Now Doug isn't.

ROGER (CONT'D)

Or the way he'd just grab Kelly and run

off to some crazy island to snorkel with

something that thinks you're lunch.

The guests continue to laugh. Kelly looks at Doug, now.

She sees this is landing on him. He's getting upset.

ROGER (CONT'D)

But, not anymore. He's now become the

son-in-law I would have always hoped for.

Responsible, reliable, and a great

husband to my daughter. So cheers to--

DOUG:

No, no. No cheers-- Because that wasn't

an accurate toast. I'm still the same,

shitty son-in-law I used to be.

The guests laugh. They think he's joking.

ROGER:

Come on, Doug. You should be proud!

You've grown up! Cheers!

The guests nod and clink their glasses. Doug shakes his

head.

DOUG:

Grown up? No, I haven't. I'm still

young. No cheers! Stop clinking!

KELLY:

Doug, stop it. You're being rude.

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