Wild Oats Page #8

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Are you out of your mind?

No, you crazy woman!

Stop! Stop!

You take your hands off her, you cheap crook!

No, not the Chteau Margaux!

- We want her money.

- I stole it, but I need it back now.

I swear, I don't have your money!

I have listened to your bullshit for much

longer than I want to listen to bullshit.

I didn't teach tenth grade students

for 35 years for nothing.

I could tell when they were lying even when

- they didn't know it.

- Bix! Farragut!

- Whoa, what the hell is going on?

- Don't shoot! Don't shoot!

- Put that away!

- Do what she says!

Look who's here.

Eve...

- and Minnie.

- Maddie.

Now, I want my money now!

Is that man holding a machine gun?

Don't worry. I've got my Kubotan.

Ooh!

- Wow.

- Maddie?

Ooh!

Eva, I feel... kind of...

No!

- Maddie!

- Mom!

Stay put.

Maddie. Oh, my God.

One down, one to go.

Call an ambulance, or shoot me!

But don't just stand there! She's sick!

- Do what she says.

- Really? Shoot her?

Call an ambulance!

- What's wrong with you?

- Don't die, Maddie. Don't die.

Uh, I'm not gonna, uh, die.

I just fainted. I mean...

- Okay.

- I guess I'll die eventually.

Don Carlos, I heard a scream!

I was worried...

Hey! Get away from Don Carlos' wine!

Maddie, come.

Now, will somebody please explain to me

what the hell is going on here?

I explain.

For years, I sell these crazy bottles

to billionaires to impress their friends.

Mr. Bix... he sells

the wine for me.

Ladies and gentlemen,

from the wine cellar of Thomas Jefferson,

courtesy of Don Carlos Variola

de la Gran Canaria,

Chteau Lafite.

Open, please.

Thank you.

I gave him 30 days to pay me back

or I would fire him.

That's why you took my money?

I know that you maybe have to do

some jail time,

but it's better you than me.

Shame on you, Carlos Variola.

Would you repeat that again?

Shame on you, Carlos Variola.

Yes, but with feeling.

Shame on you, Carlos Variola!

It's true.

What? What's true?

- It's Mrs. Fenton.

- Who?

Are you not Mrs. Eva Fenton

from Liberty, Illinois?

Yes.

I'm Carlos Variola, the exchange

student from Mallorca.

Y-You teach me in the tenth grade.

Social studies.

You don't remember me?

You were my favorite teacher.

I was?

- Well, thank you.

- She never gets tired of hearing that.

Mrs. Fenton, I will return the money

that Mr. Bix and Mr. Farragut

took from you to pay me back.

Wow.

Okay, that's it, I'm done.

I'm taking the baby, the nanny

and my brother and going back to Brazil.

I'll say this to everyone.

I could have been on the cover of Vogue.

I grew up with an IQ of 175, but all

my life did I ever meet a man who said,

"Hello, cutie pie, what's your IQ"?

- Well, no, probably never, never.

- Never.

- Not even if they're curious.

- And all that happened

because I grew this gorgeous tit and this

perfect ass and this beautiful face.

Did any of the men

in my life say, "Tell me, Flavia,

what's your favorite opera

from the Ring Cycle by Wagner?"

- They all suck.

- And he was a Nazi.

- No, they say...

- "I love your ass."

- Yeah!

- "Dress up like a nurse."

- Exactly!

- "Make noises like a bear."

- What?

- Huh?

- Did he really say that?

- Shh.

Carlos, just a minute.

That's Eva Fenton.

Can we not just cut him loose?

So I have $215,000 left?

Just about.

- Then why don't we just stay here?

- Oh, I'm afraid that's impossible.

Half the money belongs to you, Maddie.

- What?

- Mm-hmm.

No.

Yes.

Eva... no.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yes.

You're gonna need it.

I don't know, I think maybe

I'll stay a couple more days.

Am I missing something?

- Will you come back?

- Will you come back?

I don't think so.

You sure?

Do you think I'm crazy?

No.

No.

Oh, my...

Thank you. Thank you for everything.

Cariito.

Okay. No.

Okay.

For he's a jolly good fellow

For he's a jolly good fellow

For he's a jolly good fellow

Which nobody can deny.

This summer, Papa,

you and Eva, come to China.

Yes, this summer,

Eva and I will come to China.

Yes.

Champagne for everyone. Don't be shy.

It's the good stuff,

all the way from Milwaukee.

You big softy.

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