Wild Oats Page #7

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I have ever heard.

They frickin' love you.

Vicky, honey, I-I'm gonna

have to call you back.

I'm in the middle of something.

- But...

- Don't...

What's the matter?

Don't you like your present?

Don't hang up.

May I have just one moment, please?

Oh.

Mr. Vespucci?

Yeah?

I-I know what it is to feel

estranged from your daughter.

You do?

Yes, I do.

And I also know

how much she really loves you.

Oh!

Okay.

Mrs. Fenton, you're under arrest.

- What?

- Are you kidding?

I-I understand.

What if she can get the money back?

How would she do that?

Bix.

El Seor Everett Bix.

He's always in the hotel trying

to seduce the rich ladies.

Everybody likes Mr. Bix.

Your Mr. Bix stole 450,000 euros.

- That's not all.

- Shut up.

And this man here is Raymond Farragut.

He and Mr. Bix work for Carlos Variola.

Don Carlos is the richest man

in Gran Canaria.

He sells the most expensive

wines in the world.

Then why did he steal from me?

Those two took 450,000 euro

that Eva won fair and square

playing blackjack the other night.

If we could find this guy, uh, Carlos,

we could get the money back,

and then Eva wouldn't have to go to jail.

- Just a minute.

- Yes.

We're not finding anyone.

I have Mrs. Fenton in custody,

and I'm taking her back home.

You would send her to jail when there's

a chance she wouldn't have to go?

- There is no chance.

- Oh, wow!

Where can we find him?

Um, excuse me. I'm terribly sorry.

Could you please help us find him?

I-I'm sorry, but I really cannot allow this.

I'm going to have to ask you to

come with me now to the airport.

Okay, okay, we'll go to the airport.

- We'll ask the police to find Carlos.

- Yes.

And when they get the money back,

they can send it to us in Madrid.

- Yes, yes.

- Oh.

- Hey, Chip!

- Maddie, hey. Ow!

Oh, Chip.

That sounds fair.

Don't you think that's fair?

- Yes, yes, it's fair.

- It is fair.

No, I think that that sucks.

We should be looking for Carlos.

- No.

- I think you suck.

- Taxi, seoras?

- Taxi, si.

Wait, wait, wait. So this is it?

- What about my mom's stuff?

- It's all got to be

confiscated, and I will make

the arrangements from Madrid.

You suck.

Would you mind not saying that anymore?

It undermines my authority.

You have no authority because you suck.

Crystal, I am so sorry. Really, honey.

First, you lost your father, and now...

- Mom...

- Tell him we're going to the airport.

- I'm so... all right.

- Come on, get in the taxi.

Get in the taxi. Okay.

Just get the bags in the trunk, okay?

- Crystal, you ride in the back.

- Bags in the trunk.

Thanks a lot.

Close the door.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Hang on. Flight risk!

- Flight risk!

- Mom?

- Prisa, prisa, prisa.

- Prisa, prisa, prisa.

- Whew, I think we lost him.

- Okay.

Where can I take you ladies tonight?

Uh, Haciendas...

uh, Hacienda Siesta Alegre.

No, please.

I have a wife, three children,

and my little boy...

he-he requires an operation.

Conduzca el maldito coche!

Si.

Okay.

Let's go.

We should have a plan.

I totally agree.

But do you have one?

Because you seem like you had one.

No. I had a goal.

I still have a goal.

But I think we need a plan.

So do I.

But you don't have one.

- No.

- Mm-hmm.

Would you mind to get out, please?

You know, in-in The Wizard of Oz,

what is that thing that they do

when they tried to get into

the Wicked Witch's castle?

The Lion... he dress up like

the Wicked Witch's guardian,

but-but his tail, it's sticking out,

make the whoosh, the whoosh from his behind.

Now leave the taxi!

What's he saying?

- He want you to get out from the taxi now.

- He wants us to get out from the taxi.

- Now?

- Now.

No, no, no. You're absolutely right.

- What's he saying?

- He's saying I have to pay

the taxicab driver because

he's got to make a living, too.

- What's he saying?

- That I should give him

a very good tip,

but no more than ten percent.

No, it's okay.

That's okay. No charge.

You've woken the baby!

We are here to talk to Mr. Chandler.

No, no!

Mr. Bix and Mr. Farragut.

- Bix and Farragut.

- Mr. Forbes.

- Otherwise known as...

- Definitely Mr. Chandler.

- And-and someone Forbes.

- Oh, stop it.

I'm afraid there is

no one here by those names.

But since you ladies are trespassing...

Carlos?

Yes, my angel?

Not now, please.

We have guests from America.

Oh, hello there. Hola.

- Hello.

- This is my wife, Flavia.

- I bet it's his second.

- Tell me something, seoras.

When it's bedtime for a baby in America,

and the baby cannot sleep,

is it common to fire machine guns

right outside of the goddamn window

of the goddamn nursery room,

when you tell your husband

700 times to shoot the gun out in the jungle

so that his wife can get some sleep?

Not where we're from.

- Flavia...

- I'm not talking to you!

Eh, sorry, cario.

I thought you were talking to me indirectly.

When I'm speaking to you indirectly,

I'll tell it to your face.

I didn't fire any guns!

It was your idiot brother!

Leave him alone!

Yeah, he-he's not a very good guard.

Oh, shut up.

Could we please talk about this later?

No, Carlos Variola de las Canarias.

Change the diaper once!

Just one time without asking for help from me,

from your mother, from your sisters,

from the nannies... which I know exactly

what you're doing with those nannies...

one time by yourself,

then we can talk about it later.

Can you believe that I left my wife for her?

Because you're the mother of my child,

I won't avenge this insult.

You're not man enough to avenge an insult.

You're a little sissy man.

Did she say "sissy" or "p*ssy"?

What?

Forgive me.

My wife... she has postpartum depression.

Hmm.

Perhaps you will care to join me

for a glass of wine.

What is he doing?

Seor?

Hold it, hold it.

- Okay.

- Whoa, what are you doing, pal?

- Okay, Hacienda Siesta Alegre?

- Yeah.

It's right up that road. Enjoy your evening.

No, but according to this,

that's still a half a mile

in the jungle and a couple of dirt roads.

So, taking us or not?

Uh, no.

Damn it.

Gracias.

I would like my-my money now, please.

Because otherwise I will end up in the pokey.

I-I'm telling you, your money's not here.

How much does wine like this sell for?

Ah, these bottles of wine are

the most expensive in the world.

Yeah?

This one over here. Look.

Chteau Margaux.

This one is worth over

a quarter of a million dollars.

Wow.

Oh, that's too much.

Quarter of a million dollars?

Um, what do you do, just...

I mean, do you just die and go

to heaven when you drink it?

No. They are terrible.

- They are? Really?

- Yeah.

See? This belongs to the vineyard

of the Johanna van Beethoven,

the younger brother of the great composer.

It stinks.

- It does?

- Yeah.

So why do they buy it?

Because they like the labels.

Oh, Eva, look!

Here's a Spanish wine

from the estate of Christopher Columbus.

I'm afraid that somewhat you are mixed up.

Oh, well.

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