Wild Oats Page #6

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- My Kubotan.

I've seen that. It's a girlie thing.

No, it's not.

Yes, it is. I saw an infomercial on it.

- You keep it in your purse.

- That's not true.

Yes, it is. It's a girlie weapon.

- No, it isn't.

- Yes, it is.

- No, it isn't. Stop. Stop saying that.

- Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

- Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

- Stop saying that. Just get...

Make your wife get in the car, please.

I told you it's off, didn't I?

I want nothing to do with it. Oh, come on.

It's only a bottle of wine.

He's bound to be sympathetic.

Chandler.

Hear that, Operator.

Paris Stock Exchange immediately.

Lacey.

Yes?

Is that Mrs. Eva Fenton?

Yes.

You have kind of a deep voice for a woman.

That's a very personal

observation, young man.

Who is it?

- Mrs. Fenton?

- Yes.

My name's Darryl Forbes.

I'm with Beneficial Life Insurance,

European branch.

I think you know why I'm here.

Sir, I think there must be

some huge mistake here.

I'll say. Your lady friend here

is big news on the Internet.

She cashed a $5 million check

that didn't belong to her.

I don't understand.

I was confused.

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to

ask you to come with me, ma'am.

But-but the check was in my name.

Well, that ends the discussion.

You're free to leave, sir.

But I knew that it wasn't really mine.

I appreciate your honesty.

I'll come quietly.

Uh, what are you doing?

Aren't you gonna handcuff me?

Oh, surely there's no need for handcuffs.

I don't have any handcuffs.

Are you going to arrest me?

Yes. No. Look.

Either you come with me back to the States,

or I'll have to present my evidence

to the Spanish authorities

and begin extradition procedures.

It could take months, and

in the meantime, you would be

transported to the Centro Penitenciario

para Mujeres de Algeciras in Cdiz,

the single most vicious

female prison population

in the entire Spanish-speaking world.

Would you be interested to know

that, uh, Mrs. Fenton has approximately

400,000 euros worth of chips in her safe?

I don't take bribes, sir.

Although that's a lot of money, yes.

But, look, I-I think I deserve

anything that I get.

Although I don't...

I don't want my daughter

to see me in the slammer.

You have a daughter?

Yes.

I'm-I'm really torn.

How's your back, honey?

Good.

Better.

- Yeah?

- Oh, wow!

Oh, my God! Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah, no, yeah.

Um, my lower back went out.

But I'll be fine once I get flat.

- Oh!

- Oh, no.

Is there anything I can do?

Maddie...

you were incredible.

It's why my back went out.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

I never knew it could be like that.

- Wow.

- Yeah. I should have limbered up first.

Talking hurts.

I'm sorry.

Well, what do you know?

Just relax. I told the babysitter

just keep Tommy and Kat

away from the microwave

- and it's gonna be all right.

- Oh, thank you.

Thank you. 'Cause I just...

Hi. I-I'm sorry.

I, uh... I just wanted to tell you that

I saw you in the casino the other night,

and, uh, well, I reall...

I didn't think you spoke English.

Excuse me?

Isn't your name Michelle?

No. It-It's... it's Pam.

You're not...

Lacey Chandler's ex-wife?

Who?

400,000 and 450,000 euros.

Gracias.

Here you go.

I want you to understand that I still think

what you did was very wrong.

- Oh...

- Listen, Ford...

- Forbes.

- Well, listen, Forbes.

What I want from you is your word

that you'll leave this woman alone.

- Please.

- Tell 'em she got away.

Not unless she's out of the country

before my boss gets here.

There's a flight to Casablanca at midnight.

If you're not on it, I'll have to tell

my boss that you tried to bribe me.

That-that sounds fair.

Lacey, I'm so... I'm just...

- I-I'm so...

- Oh, you're all right.

You're safe now.

I have to find Maddie and apologize.

I'll just pack a few things and

I'll see you at the front desk.

- What for?

- Oh, I'm coming with you.

Costa Rica's no place for two lone ladies.

But w-we're not going to Costa Rica.

What about Casablanca?

There's a flight leaves at 12:00.

It's not as nice as Costa Rica,

but it's only a three-hour flight.

Oh, yes.

Oh.

Let's do it.

I'll see you at the front desk.

Lacey Chandler.

I think he's a con man, and I think

he's trying to swindle my friend.

- Maddie?

- Eva?

We are going to Casablanca.

Listen, Chandler is a con man!

I bribed an insurance agent, and I...

You didn't give him any money, did you?

- What?

- What?

He's not a con man. No, no.

He's taking us to Casablanca.

Oh, Eva. Wake up.

Come on. He might still be downstairs.

Crystal!

- Mom! Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God!

What are you doing here?

What have you done to your hair?

You look fantastic!

- You think this is okay?

- Hi! Crystal!

A little flashy?

- No, no, no, it's perfect.

- It looks great.

- Oh, I'm so happy to see you.

- Tell her it looks great.

I'm sorry.

- I'm Agent Vespucci.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

This is Special Agent Vespucci

from Beneficial Life.

- Oh.

- Oh.

He's here about the money.

Oh, but I just...

bribed the man from Beneficial Life.

- Excuse me?

- You did what?

- Do you mean Chandler?

- No, Forbes.

- Who's Chandler?

- Your mom's new beau.

- Well...

- He's a con man.

- He's her what and he's a what?

- Who's Forbes?

Well, I thought you were his boss.

Can we sit down somewhere?

Whew. You know what?

This is really, really, nice.

Yeah.

Uh, Mrs. Fenton, I-I think

you've been the victim of a scam.

You think?

Mrs. Reynolds, I hear a lot of sarcastic

remarks in my line of work,

and they really don't affect me,

so please don't waste your time.

Actually, I think that they

really do hurt his feelings.

What about Lacey?

I think he was part of the whole scam.

And unfortunately,

since your hotel bill and your purchases

are more than 200,000 euros,

I must to ask you to come back with me.

What about that money you won gambling?

I gave that to Forbes.

Well, then Forbes must be

in league with Chandler.

Does this mean that I don't

have to go to Casablanca?

Casablanca's playing?

Well, it's always playing somewhere.

No, no, it's a city in Morocco.

See, she's completely confused.

You can't arrest her.

That-that would be like

executing a retarded person.

- Crystal!

- I mean, a really, really sweet one.

- What the hell is that?

- Uh, it's me.

It's "Ride of the Valkyries."

Oh, you've got to change that.

I-I don't know how.

Could-could you...

Hello?

Hi. Hi, Papa. It's Chen Lau.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Okay, close your eyes,

because I want to show you

a super great surprise.

Well, I-I'm right in the middle

of something now.

- I gonna have to hang up.

- No, don't hang up.

No, no, no, please, please.

- Oh, look at that!

- Now comes a special happy surprise!

Hi, Daddy.

- Vicky.

- Oh, look at her.

- Is that your daughter?

- That's so sweet.

- Yeah.

- She's pretty.

Come to China for your birthday! Our treat.

We bought you a round-trip

ticket for anytime you want.

We save up plenty box tops

from Chinese noodles.

Oh, that is the sweetest thing

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