Wild Oats Page #5

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Put her in here, please.

Just put her on the bed, thank you.

Thank you.

Okay, just a minute, please.

- Muchas gracias.

- Muchas gracias, seora.

Muchas gracias.

Wait, wait, okay.

Okay.

I'm sure she'll be all right now,

but thank you so very, very much.

I hope you're not going to leave that there.

Oh, goodness, I forgot to cash them.

- Shall I put it in the safe?

- How nice. Thank you so much.

It's in the little corner around there.

It's got the combination beside it.

Are you free tomorrow?

- Yes.

- I thought I'd show you Las Palmas.

It's very interesting.

We should go in the morning.

You know, let me do that.

But I can do that.

Oh. Oh, you did it.

Oh, of course. I'm sorry, yeah.

Oh, don't be silly.

Thank you so much.

Eva, you won a lot of money

at the ponies tonight.

You got to promise me

you won't be careless with it.

I promise.

It wasn't the ponies, was it?

It was blackjack.

Oh, well, shall we call it a night, then?

I guess so.

Lacey.

Everyone forgets things.

I forget things, we all do.

You're very kind.

And very beautiful.

Thank you.

So you're saying that my mother cashed

a $5 million check

that doesn't belong to her?

Endorsed it, deposited it, and, at this

minute, is drawing money on the account.

Well, maybe not at this minute.

They're five hours ahead of us

in the Canary Islands.

Look, Mr....

My name is not what matters here.

Yeah, but what is it?

Alvin J. Vespucci.

- Like the explorer?

- Right.

- Is that any family relation?

- I don't know.

Uh, my father always claimed we were

descendants, but he was very grandiose.

I'm sorry, can we get back on track here?

Well, my father and I had a very

difficult relationship, but...

I was never very good at sports,

and he somehow felt personally emasculated.

How about we call the insurance company

and see if you really work there?

There's really no need for that.

Now, I'm going after your mother,

and I'd like you to come with me.

Obviously, she is a decent person,

but she seems very lonely to me,

and I'm frankly concerned about her judgment.

Hi.

How are you feeling?

Like a fat drunk.

You're not fat, Maddie.

Thanks.

Wow, you're all gussied up.

Lacey said he would show us

around the island.

- Both of us?

- Of course.

Ah, that's okay, Eva, you go.

My head is pounding.

I don't want to go without you.

I want you to go.

Well, he's just going to show us

ar... me around the island.

Obviously, he isn't into younger women.

So go. Have fun.

God sakes.

Have sex.

How long has it been?

No, I don't want to have sex with anybody.

Seven years.

What?

Geez, wow.

Well, Frank, he was a very loving man,

but he was not passionate.

- Wow.

- Well, when is the last time

you had anything with Ben?

I don't want to talk about that.

I thought you said he was a fire hose.

He was.

He was just spraying it everywhere else.

And, you know, I am a very sexual person.

Yes, Maddie, I-I do know that.

So go have sex with him before he

forgets how to speak English at all.

Come on, take one for the team.

Oh, God, I feel so silly.

But, oh, you look great.

I do?

Evie, you look great.

So this is where Columbus came to pray

before he set out to discover the Americas?

No, no, not exactly.

The original church fell down,

and this church was built on the same site

but 300 years later.

But he was in the vicinity.

Well, yes.

And it's from this very spot that he

set sail to discover the Americas.

Yes, but when he discovered America,

he thought he had found India.

That's why our Native Americans

are called Indians.

You know what they say about Columbus?

They say he didn't know where he was going,

and then when he got back, he

didn't know where he had been.

Oh, I know that feeling.

Don't we all.

Okay.

Well...

you're a damn fine-looking woman, Maddie.

- Buenas tardes, seora.

- Buenas tardes.

Are you joining someone?

Yes. Yes.

Uh, if you see a...

a tall, dark, handsome guy between...

the ages of... 21 and 55,

broad shoulders, slim waist,

big wide feet, I'll be at the bar.

So keep your eyes open. Comprende?

Muy bien. Gracias.

Yeah.

- Eve...

- No, Eva.

Oh. Eva.

How would you like to go back to the hotel?

You see...

If I was 30 years younger,

I could pad the way a little more.

And waste even more time.

We could go for a drive instead.

I'd feel so foolish.

It's just nerves.

Maddie?

Maddie?

Buenas tardes, seor.

Oh. Uh, buenas tardes.

Will you come with me, please?

Sure.

Your party, seor.

Have a wonderful evening.

Oh...

Uh...

Hi.

I'm confused.

Can I sit here?

Yeah.

Thanks.

I'm Chip.

- I'm Maddie.

- Maddie.

Okay.

Are you waiting for someone? I mean, I-I...

- Do you need this chair?

- No. No.

- No?

- Uh, no. My girlfriend and I just got

in a humongous fight, so...

- Oh.

- Yeah.

Well, I'm sure everything will be all right.

- All you have to do is say you're sorry.

- I'm not sorry.

Oh.

Anyway, she just got on a flight

to Barcelona with some...

German guy, so...

Wow.

Oh, that's terrible.

She's just so...

...immature.

You know?

I should get a drink.

I-I...

I don't know how to handle this.

Should I go?

Oh.

I just don't think that it's weird for a guy

- to love his mother. Right?

- No.

It's not. It's not.

I mean, is it w... Maybe I am weird.

- No.

- No?

No, it's perfectly... natural.

I really like talking to you.

You do?

Yeah.

I'm glad.

Have you ever seen the movie The Graduate?

No.

No? Oh.

Darn it. It's, like,

my favorite movie of all time.

What's it about?

Um...

Well, I mean, it's...

There's a lot of things that it's about.

I-I mean, who are the, um...

who are the main characters?

Well, there's...

the Mrs. Robinson character,

and she meets a guy just out of college.

It's a good movie.

Oh, wow.

That was wonderful.

No, I-I really mean it.

It was... it was wonderful.

Whoa.

Yes. It was wonderful.

Aw...

How long do you think it would

be before we could do it again?

Well, uh...

Take me to the bedroom.

Oh, uh... well, we're-we're in it.

- Huh?

- This is it.

We're... Is it not...?

- It's more of a studio space.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I-I like it. I like it. I mean, it's, uh...

- Yeah, it's cute. It's cute.

- Good. I mean, I...

- No.

- I can do whatever you...

Oh, my God.

My-my mother's not a criminal.

- Not yet.

- What do you mean?

Well, one of my associates

put something on my cell phone

lets me track your mother's hotel bill.

- Are you serious?

- Mm-hmm.

That's an unconscionable

violation of privacy.

- Can I see it?

- Yeah.

- Oh, my God!

- Don't do that. Please don't do that.

That is not my mother.

Somebody must have stolen her identity.

Look, maybe it'd be better

if you didn't come.

You just try and stop me.

Okay, then what happens

if she tries and makes a-a break for it?

Are you gonna shoot her?

I don't need a gun.

Oh, why not?

She's a retired schoolteacher.

She's capable of anything.

I have my Kubotan.

- Your what?

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