Wild Wild West Page #17

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JIM:

We've got to stop him right here,

now! With that armored steam engine

of his it'll be a slaughter.

ARTEMUS:

I'd love to stop him, but have you

noticed the hundred armed men?

JIM:

There's only seventy-eight.

ARTEMUS:

(sarcastic)

Oh, well, then let's kick some

ass!

Just then they hear a familiar nasty BUZZING. It's a

SCREECHING boomerang bomb!

Jim and Artemus realize what that must mean. They spin

to Dr. Pemberton. Then look at each other -- no time for

propriety. They grab her blouse and yank it up. She

SHRIEKS. But there it is -- a metal belt just like

Professor Morton wore -- the deadly homing belt!

They throw the poor woman to the ground and dive for cover

just as the thing streaks overhead, missing her by inches!

ARTEMUS:

You didn't tell us you had this

on!

PEMBERTON:

(gazing at the bomb)

My Lord, he was telling the truth!

The bomb loops high and dives on its final deadly attack.

Miguelito's guards come running toward the action, but

they scramble back and take cover as the BUZZING bomb

whirls overhead.

Jim draws his six-gun. He coolly tracks the bomb and

FIRES. BOOM! Mid-air FIREBALL. But they hear more

BUZZING. Another bomb. They look off to see --

ANGLE - VOLTAIRE

high up on a catwalk, loading a second flying bomb into a

weird cross-bow like launcher. TWANG! The thing streaks

toward Dr. Pemberton!

BLAM! Jim nails this one, too. Voltaire snarls.

Artemus pulls his lapel lock-pick and goes to work on the

belt lock.

ANGLE - VOLTAIRE

He loads two bombs at once!

ANGLE - THE GROUP

BLAM! BLAM! Jim blows both bombs out of the air!

JIM:

Hurry up, Artemus! I'm running

out of bullets!

Two more boomerang bombs BUZZ angrily toward them. BLAM!

Jim gets one. But then -- CLICK! Gun's empty.

The second bomb keeps coming!

Another CLICK! But it's Artemus snapping the belt's lock

open! He jumps up, whirling like a discus thrower and

heaves the belt in a high arc.

The flying bomb does a screaming 180 to follow the belt!

ANGLE - HORRIFIED VOLTAIRE

sees the belt sailing toward him followed by the flying

bomb! Oops. It lands right below him. He barely has

time to SCREAM before he's blown sky-high!

ANGLE - THE GROUP

Jim lifts Dr. Pemberton to her feet.

JIM:

Are you all right?

She nods uncertainly. But meanwhile Miguelito's guards

and WORKERS are rallying. TWO WORKERS rush out of hiding,

brandishing heavy hand tools as they rush Jim and Artemus.

Jim squares off to deal with them, but before he can make

a move, he's amazed to see Artemus instantly dispatch

them -- with a knockout double-split kick!

ARTEMUS:

(shrugs)

It was in your book.

JIM:

(impressed)

Well, hell, maybe we do have a

chance.

But now a nasty sounding STEAM WHISTLE BLARES.

ANGLE - THE STEAM TANK

comes RUMBLING toward them from the warehouse. It opens

FIRE with its motorized Gatling gun!

BACK TO SCENE:

Jim, Artemus and Dr. Pemberton dive for cover! BULLETS

RICOCHET all around them. They scramble along on their

bellies behind stacked supplies. Jim gets an idea, looking

at the buttons on Artemus' vest.

JIM:

Are those just button buttons or...?

ARTEMUS:

Of course not.

Jim rips one off.

JIM:

Stay down!

And he runs!

ARTEMUS:

Jim?!

ANGLE - JIM

scurries along behind the row of supplies, staying hidden

as he does an end-run around the approaching tank.

Jim charges into the open, bee-lining for the tank. He

grabs onto the massive rear wheel and rides it up. As he

comes opposite the turret he lobs the button in through

one of the gunports!

POOF! Sleep gas surges out from inside the tank.

Gagging and choking, the TANKMEN throw open the hatches,

collapsing unconscious as they tumble out.

The machine keeps driving blindly forward. Jim scrambles

up on top, takes a deep breath, and dives inside.

INT. STEAM TANK - MOVING

Holding his breath, Jim yanks levers madly, trying to get

anything to do anything. The turret spins. Okay, got

that down. The Gatling gun FIRES. That's good. More of

that.

EXT. STEAM TANK - MOVING

Jim spins the turret in a circle, firing the Gatling as

he goes. Miguelito's men run frantically in all

directions, diving for cover.

ANGLE - ARTEMUS

is also FIRING at the disorganized guards.

The steam tank rolls up, offering a shield. Jim pops up,

taking a much needed gasp of air as the last of the sleep

gas dissipates. Artemus and Dr. Pemberton climb up into

the tank.

ARTEMUS:

My hat is off to you, sir.

JIM:

Thank you.

They slam the hatch and they're off!

INT. STEAM TANK - MOVING

Jim takes the steering controls. Dr. Pemberton squeezes

in behind him.

JIM:

I've got the driving part figured

out. Artemus, you... figure out

the cannon part.

Artemus eyes the gleaming controls for the exotic steam

cannon, having no idea what to do.

ARTEMUS:

Right...

EXT. STEAM TANK - MOVING

The steam tank gathers steam. Frantic guards dive out of

the way. Some FIRE wildly at the thing, but of course,

it does no good.

As Jim struggles to steer, the tank careens drunkenly

around the compound, smashing into things while its Gatling

gun BLAZES and steam cannon HISSES. Basically it's a

rout. Miguelito's panicked men are running everywhere.

ANGLE - MIGUELITO AND CASSANDRA

come dashing through the turmoil, headed for the warehouse.

INT. STEAM TANK - MOVING

Jim spots them and veers toward them.

EXT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT

Miguelito and Cassandra disappear inside. The steam tank

rolls up and stops. Jim pops up out of the tank's hatch.

JIM:

It's all over Loveless! You might

as well come out!

INT. STEAM TANK

Jim drops back down to his controls, ready for action.

Dr. Pemberton seems concerned:

PEMBERTON:

You seem so confident, Mr. West.

Do you really think we have any

chance in this little machine?

Jim and Artemus turn slowly to stare at her worriedly.

JIM:

I beg your pardon?

PEMBERTON:

(realizing)

You don't know what he's built?!

Surely you don't think he kidnapped

all those geniuses to have them

make something as rudimentary as

this.

Jim and Artemus glance at each other. Well, yeah, we

sort of did. Outside Miguelito's men are LAUGHING

derisively.

Before Dr. Pemberton can explain, they hear a GIGANTIC

RUSH OF STEAM! With the eerie LAUGHTER echoing all around

them, Jim and Artemus peer out.

EXT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT

Huge clouds of steam boil out of the warehouse. Unseen

massive metal parts GROAN and CREAK. The walls of the

building shudder. The ground shakes.

The roof of the building is shoved upward -- splintering,

cracking -- at last falling away to reveal the top of a

monstrous, fantastic war machine.

We can see only the top "deck." A hundred feet long,

black, brooding, massively constructed of riveted steel.

At the forward end, a raised bridge oversees all. It is

protected by unusual see-through armor -- curtains of

thick, tightly woven chain-mail which undulate weirdly as

the machine moves. Through them we can just make out

Cassandra and gleeful Miguelito at the controls.

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