Wild Wild West Page #21

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In a flash the startled crewman is yanked sideways and

instantly sucked into the machinery. Artemus stands and

dusts himself off. Problem solved.

Then a door flies open. Five ANGRY CREWMEN burst in --

coal-stokers armed with wrenches, shovels, and what-have-

you. They advance menacingly. Artemus gulps.

EXT. TARANTULA - TOP DECK - BRIDGE - DAY

MIGUELITO:

Cassandra? Cassandra! Engine

deck! Send someone up here to

help me!

A VOICE comes back over the speaking tube:

VOICE (O.S.)

As soon as possible, sir! We have

an intruder on board.

MIGUELITO:

I know that, you idiot! That's

why I want help!

EXT. CENTRAL AVENUE - CHURCH - DAY

The Tarantula ambles slowly down the street, smashing

awnings, stomping boardwalks, shearing off signs, coming

closer and closer to the church.

Grant and his soldiers fire futilely at it, ducking the

withering Gatling return fire.

EXT. TARANTULA - TOP DECK - BRIDGE - DAY

Miguelito glowers as he deliberately steers the machine

left and right, smashing whatever catches his eye.

Suddenly he's scooped up and tossed aside. It's Jim who's

sneaked onto the bridge. He triumphantly steps forward

and shoves the Master Speed Control, shutting down the

Tarantula. He turns to Miguelito:

JIM:

For an Emperor you're one bad

driver.

But Miguelito has grabbed Artemus' walking stick and comes

at him like a wildman! Jim backpedals, trying to fend

off the blows, but finally he has no choice. He spin-

kicks the guy right out onto the deck.

The little man slides across the top deck, slamming into

a bulkhead. The walking stick goes skittering away down

an access hatch. Now defenseless, he leaps up and runs

off. Jim runs after him.

INT. TARANTULA - ENGINE DECK - DAY

Artemus has been backed up to a wall by the five stokers.

They're about to do him in when, TING, TANG, CLINK,

something comes tumbling down from above. It lands right

in Artemus' hand. He can't imagine how it's possible,

but it's his walking stick.

ARTEMUS:

Deus ex machina!

The tables are instantly turned. Artemus snaps it open

into mace mode and attacks with a vengeance, a wild-ass

one-man tornado.

He forces the stunned stokers out through a hatchway, and

SLAMS the metal door, locking them out.

He spins and expertly assesses the complex of machinery

all around him.

ARTEMUS:

Let's see... that goes there... so

that must do that... so that has

to be connected to... Ah hah!

He grabs a big wrench and begins unbolting one of the

long connecting rods.

EXT. TARANTULA - TOP DECK - DAY

Jim searches for Miguelito in the maze of top deck

machinery. He spots him lying face-down on a grating.

JIM:

It's all over, little guy.

But Miguelito suddenly rolls over, pulling his arm out

from the grating, having found Jim's own six-gun which he

aims at him!

MIGUELITO:

Look what I found!

Startled Jim raises his hands, backing up.

JIM:

Easy now.

MIGUELITO:

Easy? Easy? On just what grounds

should I take it easy!?

INT. TARANTULA - ENGINE DECK - DAY

Artemus is merrily disconnecting connecting rods, tossing

them out a nearby porthole.

EXT. TARANTULA - TOP DECK - BRIDGE - DAY

Jim is backed up against the control console, totally

cornered. His eyes dart around as Miguelito takes very

deliberate aim.

MIGUELITO:

I will say this, Mr. West, I have

never had to kill someone so many

times!

Jim suddenly shoves the Master Speed Control full forward.

The deck tilts wildly as the Tarantula lunges ahead.

Miguelito's SHOT goes wild and the little Emperor tumbles

backward away from the bridge again.

Jim hangs on, marveling at the power of the machine.

JIM:

Man, I gotta get me one of these!

EXT. TARANTULA - DAY

The huge machine rears up like an arachno-stallion and

then plunges down the street, CLANKING, HISSING --

ACCELERATING.

INT. TARANTULA - ENGINE DECK - DAY

Artemus hangs on as the room pitches and rolls, doggedly

working to unbolt one last connecting rod. Got it!

EXT. TARANTULA - TOP DECK - DAY

Miguelito skids helplessly across the rocking deck and --

disappears HOWLING down an air intake!

EXT. TARANTULA - TOP DECK - BRIDGE - DAY

In the gyrating bridge Jim fights to keep his balance,

struggling back to the Master Control. He yanks it back

with grand finality -- and nothing happens. The maniacal

mechanical menace keeps going! He frantically works the

lever back and forth. No good.

JIM:

Hey! Stop!

Just beside the bridge, Artemus comes up out of a hatch,

proudly holding up the last connecting rod.

ARTEMUS:

Jim! I did it! I've uncoupled

all the connecting rods! There's

no way they can control this thing

now!

He triumphantly flings this last rod overboard. Jim stares

at him, aghast. Artemus looks around:

ARTEMUS:

Why is it going so fast?

The Tarantula keeps accelerating.

EXT. CENTRAL AVENUE - CHURCH - DAY

Grant and the soldiers eye the Tarantula THUNDERING toward

them -- a steel tidal wave.

SOLDIER:

It ain't stoppin'... IT AIN'T

STOPPIN'!

GRANT:

Get everyone out of the church!

Get them out! MOVE!

The Tarantula is fifty yards from the front steps.

Panicked townsfolk spill out the doors, tumble out the

windows.

ANGLE - REAR OF THE CHURCH

President Grant climbs out a window carrying one last

person, a LAUGHING TWO YEAR-OLD.

Grant barely manages to dive out of the way as --

ANGLE - WIDE

The Tarantula PLOWS THROUGH THE CHURCH. The building

EXPLODES into toothpicks.

PAN with the monster machine as it pounds onward out into

the desert, literally starting to gallop, huge feet

throwing up truckloads of earth with every SMASHING IMPACT.

EXT. TARANTULA - TOP DECK - BRIDGE - DAY

Jim and Artemus argue as they spin knobs, crank cranks,

and try anything to slow down the galloping beast.

ARTEMUS:

The machine was stopped! It seemed

like a perfect time to disable it!

Why'd you have to throw it into

full throttle?!

JIM:

He was going to shoot me! Do you

mind?!

ARTEMUS:

All right, all right... It'll be

okay. I mean, eventually it'll

just run out of steam.

JIM:

(pointing ahead)

In the next two minutes?

Artemus looks -- and goes pale.

EXT. HIGH AND WIDE - DEEP CANYON - DAY

The Tarantula's headed straight for it!

EXT. TARANTULA - TOP DECK - BRIDGE - DAY

Jim and Artemus stare at impending doom. Then Jim gets

an idea. He looks back to see the Tarantula is still

towing the observation balloon.

JIM:

Come on!

EXT. TARANTULA - TOP DECK - STERN - DAY

Jim and Artemus race to the rope holding the balloon.

Jim frantically tries to untie it.

ARTEMUS:

Here!

Artemus kicks the heel of his boot -- out pops the knife

blade. It's a ridiculously awkward task, madly sawing on

the thick rope with his toe, but it's their only hope.

Strand by strand it gives way.

Jim glances ahead -- that cliff is coming up fast!

Suddenly, right beside them, a hatch slams open.

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