Without A Clue Page #4

Careful. It might be evidence.

Really?

E-R-M-E-R-E.

What do you make of it?

Are you blind, Lestrade? Tell him, Watson.

Correct me if I'm wrong, Holmes,

but this piece of paper is part of a map.

A location.

- Um...

- Ermere.

- Erm Ermere?

- Cashmere

- Cashmere

- Ermere

BOTH:
Ermere. Ermere.

Windermere! Lake Windermere!

Brilliant, inspector.

The Lake District is a perfect place to hide.

Nobody goes there this time of year.

We'll just wire up to Windermere

and see if Giles has made his appearance yet.

And don't you worry, Mr. Holmes.

We'll have this case wrapped up in no time.

(Laughter)

Unique, actually. Very creative, Watson.

Something that would never have occurred

to the likes of me.

lmagine a Sherlock Holmes adventure

in which Lestrade solves the blooming case!

Calm yourself. There's a healthy chunk

of mystery yet to be solved.

It's to Windermere for us, where, I assure you,

the game is still afoot.

(Train whistle)

As was his habit, Sherlock Holmes

sat in the railway carriage lost in thought.

You can hear the girls declare,

he must be a millionaire

You can hear them sigh and wish to die...

Are you Sherlock Holmes?

I am indeed, madam.

Would you like my autograph?

You put my old man in jail, you did.

WATSON:
From these moments of quiet,

intense reflection would inevitably spring

some new...insight.

HOLMES:
Stop it, you silly cow!

Go on, then! Scared?

Sorry about that, Watson.

- What are you doing?

- Thinking.

Right. I'm going to think too.

What shall we think about, Watson?

(Whistle)

(Band plays Rule Britannia)

Mr. Holmes...

..allow me to introduce myself.

I am the Right Honourable

Gerald Fitzwalter Johnson, Lord Mayor.

And this is my daughter

Christabel.

Hello, Mr. Holmes.

We're enthusiastic readers

of your articles in The Strand

My daughter in particular

reads each one several times

Don't even think about it.

I believe we have something for you, sir.

A man matching this Mr. Giles's description

arrived two nights ago.

Ah, this is Andrews,

a dock worker here on the lake.

He remembers the man quite well.

Andrews, this is Mr. Holmes.

Come to our fair community

to investigate a matter of great importance.

You may begin, Mr. Holmes.

What makes you remember this man

so clearly, Mr. Andrews?

I remember this man...

- Your hat.

- Oh, aye.

I remember this man so clearly

because he was carrying

a brown leather suitcase.

The suitcase was fastened to his wrist

with a pair of silver handcuffs.

It was very heavy and he commented

on the weight several times.

He asked Donald Ayres...

- A local boatman.

- Oh, aye.

..a local boatman, to transport him

across the lake to a cottage he had rented.

- Psst.

- Watson, make a note of that.

(Band plays Rule Britannia)

I'm sure Holmes would like

to speak to this boatman Donald Ayres.

Yes, indeed.

Yes, well, the thing of it is,

no-one has seen the fellow

- or the man with the suitcase.

- You mean they've gone missing?

Yes. Well, my theory,

if you'll permit me, Mr. Holmes, is this.

- The storm may have done both of them in.

- They went out in a storm?

Watson, please.

They went out in a storm?

Yes, the lake can get very rough

at this time of the year.

Ah, here we are.

Our finest hotel - the Shakespeare Arms.

Oh, Mr. Holmes,

we're all so proud to have you here.

The Duke's absolutely beside himself.

The Duke?

Er, the D-O-G.

(Barks)

The Duke, yes.

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor...

- John Watson.

- John Watson.

Now, if you'll just follow me,

I'll have your luggage taken upstairs.

Now, then, Dukey.

You stay down here

while I take the gentlemen upstairs.

He's taken quite a fancy to you, Mr. Holmes.

He doesn't like everybody, you know.

(Growling and barking)

Fetch.

(Glass smashes)

What he likes is the summer...

..and all them ramblers.

(Holmes whispers)

The King Lear Room, Mr. Holmes.

The finest we've got.

Yours is on upstairs, Doctor.

Be careful of the carpet.

The mice have been at it.

We call this the Hamlet Room.

And it does have a lovely view of the lake.

Now, if you'll excuse me, Doctor...

Watson.

Watson. I'll just go and see

if Mr. Holmes is all right.

Watson, would you mind

swapping rooms with me?

I once played King Lear,

and, quite frankly,

that room would revive memories

of rotten fruit.

- One room's the same as another to me.

- Thank you.

What a dreary place this is.

Excuse me,

but you are Sherlock Holmes, aren't you?

Well, that depends. Do you have a relative

who was recently sent to prison?

Me? Why, no!

Well, yes, then. I am Sherlock Holmes.

Well, we would all consider it an honour

if you'd have a drink with us.

A drink?

I was just saying to my good friend

Doctor Watson what a lovely village this is.

(Metal scrapes)

I'll have a double whisky, please.

Just to ward off the chill of the evening.

A double whisky for Mr. Holmes, please.

A toast to the greatest detective in all the world.

ALL:
Hear hear!

Thank you, gentlemen. I am touched.

I can vouch for that.

You, sir, remind me of someone I encountered

during the curious affair

of the Manchurian mambo.

- Holmes, could I have a word?

- Yes?

I believe that was the Manchurian mamba,

Holmes.

Mamba, mambo - what's the difference?

Very little, other than one

is a deadly poisonous snake

and the other

is a rather festive Caribbean dance.

It was a night just like any other,

when someone knocked at the door.

I opened it and there were these Manchurians

doing this rather festive Caribbean dance.

Manchurian mambo!

Steady, Watson.

Just get through it one more time,

then you're rid of the fellow.

What a pleasant thought.

I feel much better. Quite euphoric.

But as the snake struck at me,

I danced out of the way.

And if it hadn't been for my flawless footwork,

I'd be standing here a dead man today.

What about another drink, Mr. Holmes?

Gentlemen, I have to be up early tomorrow,

and I need all my wits about me.

Perhaps just one more.

Holmes, sweet Holmes.

(Growls and barks)

You're not the Hound of the Baskervilles,

you know.

Fresh air.

That's what I need.

That's better.

Aaargh!

(Ripping)

Watson! Help!

Jesus. What now, Holmes?

Help me, Watson!

Watson wake up!

Help!

For God's sake!

Watson!

Hang on. I'm coming.

- Please help me!

- Hang on

- Here I am.

- Quickly.

For heaven's sake. Give me your hand.

- Are you there?

- Yes, I'm here. Hold out your hand.

Well done.

- Pull quickly. Pull harder.

- I am pulling, old boy.

- Pull, pull, pull! That's it.

- Stop it.

- Steady on, old boy!

- Don't let go!

Jolly good.

(Crash)

Fascinating.

This railing appears

to have been cut by someone.

Get him off!

Good morning, gentlemen.

- Morning.

- Morning.

This is the cottage Giles leased

from a company in London.

Allow me to show you the way.

Mr. Mayor, don't move.

Not until Mr. Holmes has had a chance

to inspect the area for clues.

By God, I've trained you well, Watson.

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