Without a Paddle Page #8

- Ghostbusters?

Denise.

Hi. Jerry and Denise

are no longer doing it.

If you need Denise,

call her on her cell.

It's killing time!

Come on, Jerry, get down.

Hey, come on, now. Give me a hand.

Every time I get comfortable.

Listen up. Go due north till

you get to the top of the ridge,

then you go directly west.

- Okay.

- Just keep going,

you'll come to an old mining trail.

Follow that right down to the bottom

of the mountain.

All right.

You go right, I go left.

- Okay.

- I love this part.

- Come on,

- He say left or right?

Have a good life, boys.

- Let's go.

- Go, go, go!

When you peckerwoods get

your diapers clean, come on back.

I'll be waiting.

West is this way.

We're not going west.

Yes, we are. The compass says so.

The compass came out of a cereal box,

so why are we running the wrong way?

Iron. Iron.

What?

Iron ore. There's iron in the hills.

It's throwing off the magnet.

Tell Mr. Wizard that we're still going

the wrong way.

Which means Del's compass,

it wouldn't work here.

If D.B. Was supposed to land

it would've come off as directly west.

Who cares about D.B.

Which means he would've landed

somewhere...

Oh, my throat, neck, chest.

Guys, I think we found him.

Jesus.

This is him.

This is D.B. Cooper.

It has to be.

The parachute and the briefcase.

He must have broke his legs in the

landing and then stumbled in this hole.

You poor bastard.

Del was looking for him,

but it was winter.

And the snow must have covered up

the top there.

- We found him.

- That's him.

- I can't believe we did it.

- D.B. Cooper.

Who else would it be?

This case is empty. The money's gone.

No, look.

Look what he's holding.

He burnt the cash to stay warm.

He traded every dollar

for just a few more hours of life.

So much for the treasure.

No, that's it.

Being alive, that's the treasure.

Here he is, boys,

the great D.B. Cooper

and his treasure.

And we found it, so we get our most

valuable possessions back.

Yeah.

Gentlemen.

Time to leave this stuff behind

and get the hell home.

Come on, Elwood.

Well, boss. What's the plan now?

First we gotta find our way out

of this hellhole,

- and then we make a run for it.

- No.

No more running.

After everything we've been through,

Dr. Mott has finally run out of things

to be afraid of.

Do you hear that? I'm not scared

of you, you Neanderthal d*cks!

Okay, okay.

We got it, we got it, all right?

Hey, look, there's light coming

from over there.

- What is that, a tunnel?

- Maybe it leads out of here.

We're never getting through there...

..Tom.

- Dano?

- No.

No. No way.

What happened to the badass

over there?

What happened to running out of

things to be afraid of?

That was... This is just

a small, dark space.

I can't, I can't, it's a deal-breaker.

This could lead out of here.

Dan, you're the only one small enough

to go through.

That's what she said.

It's... It's a mine shaft.

They had to get the ore out somehow.

It's our only chance, Dano.

Come on, prairie dog.

You can do it.

I don't think that's helping.

Okay.

Come on.

Let's get him like this

and slide him in.

Keep going, buddy.

Keep going. There's gotta be light.

Do you see light?

I don't think I can.

I don't think I can.

Come on, Dan.

Soothing songs from the past.

Do you really wanna hurt me?

Do you really wanna make me cry?

Precious kisses, words that burn me

Lovers never ask you why

Do you really wanna hurt me?

Come on, Dano!

Do you really wanna make me cry?

- Quiet.

- Precious kisses, words that burn me

Lovers never ask you why

- The hills have gone gay.

- No, no.

- It's Culture Club.

- Do you really wanna make me cry?

- I had a New Wave phase.

- Precious kisses, words that love me

Lovers never ask you why

Do you really wanna hurt me?

Hurt me

Do you really want to make me cry?

Yes, we really wanna hurt you

Yes, we really wanna make you cry

Precious kisses, words that burn me

Precious kisses, words that burn me

Lovers never ask you...

How you like me now?

Well, well, well.

We gotcha, little city boys.

We sure gotcha.

I think this is just a misunderstanding.

- That was quite a run you gave us.

- You ain't running nowhere now.

What am I doing?

- The game's up.

- Hold on, Dennis.

I have a wonderful idea.

Can I use this, please?

Elwood, that is the best idea

you have had, ever.

We gotcha now.

How you like me now?

Good work, Dan.

Watch out!

You got them, guys!

Elwood, you all right?

Good one, Jerry. You're awesome!

Stop cheerleading and help, man!

- Right.

- Get them, Elwood.

- Get him off me.

- Hey. There's a grenade up here.

No!

No biting. No biting!

Gun.

Sheriff.

Sheriff. Thank God you're here.

My friends are in that hole.

And these guys are down there beating

them up. And these are their guns.

They got us in this hole.

Having a spot of trouble,

are you, city slickers?

Sheriff. I never thought I'd be happy

to see you again.

Give me that.

Hey, hey. Fight's over, fellas.

Come on, Jer. Come up.

- Good work, Dano.

- You too. I can't believe we made it.

Not quite.

All right, ladies, on your feet.

Let's get this over with.

Jesus, Hank. We were scared

you was never gonna come.

- Oh, I scared you, did I? I scared you?

- Yeah, you did.

- It's all about you, isn't it, Elwood?

- These boys have been running all over.

Well, it's a damn good thing I got here.

You two been shooting up this

goddamn mountain for three days,

chasing these jag-offs.

Nice racket, sheriff. What,

do you get a cut of the weed profits?

Profits? They work for me, ass-wipe.

What are you gonna tell our families?

You can't exactly explain this away.

Explaining?

We don't have to explain anything.

It's just three more city boys got lost

on the river, that's all.

Hey, I bet they got eaten up

by scavengers.

- It's a terrible shame.

- Dano.

- Case closed.

- Let's shoot them.

I wanna shoot the little redhead one

right there.

Now, look, I'm tired of talking.

Let's get this done with.

Over the edge you go, boys.

- Wait!

- Shut up.

Wait, sheriff. Wait, wait, wait.

- Sheriff, I'm gonna shoot them now.

- No, no, let's listen to this.

Look,

you and I, we're cut

from the same cloth.

I mean, we're a lot alike,

don't you think?

Yeah, sure, I'm better with numbers

and I bathe often.

I have a dental plan that allows me

to keep all my teeth, unlike yourself.

- Yeah?

- I learned a little something

the last couple days, getting chased

by ass-face and dick-chin there.

And that is...

I have two of the best friends

anyone could ever ask for.

I've got the love of a good woman.

I've got a really good life.

I mean, I've got an amazing life.

And I've decided that my life's

worth living. Now, you have to decide

if your life's worth living too,

because if it is,

you put your gun down.

And if we don't?

- Bye, bye, boys.

- It's go time.

- Do this to him.

- Put the pin back in the grenade.

- That is my grenade, sir.

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