Woody Woodpecker Page #6

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Looks like something was

destroying the wall and hit the wiring.

It's probably a small animal.

Mouse or a rat or a bird or something.

Bird?

Like a woodpecker?

That's possible.

-You!

Dad, Woody wouldn't have done this.

It couldn't have been him.

Really?

Do you see any other

psychotic animals around here?

-Dad, don't say that. Dad!

-It was that woodpecker.

-All this time...

-Come on.

...he's just been lulling me

into a false sense of security.

Waiting to strike.

He couldn't have.

It's Lance Walters. You remember me?

Of course we remember you, Mr. Walters.

How can we help you?

Mmm-hmm.

I'm sure we could

work you into our schedule.

Yeah, how about, um...

How about... How about right now?

I didn't mean to. Accidents happen.

I mean, who amongst us

hasn't burned down a house, right?

Oh, fine. I'll just go back

to the way it was before.

No humans.

Who needs them anyway, right? Right?

Um...

Don't you ever have anything to say?

Oh, who am I kidding?

I had a good thing going with those guys!

I gotta make it up to them.

Help them rebuild,

for free this time, too.

No food.

I could stand to lose an ounce or two.

Earthquake!

Huh?

He's all yours, boys.

My home.

Happy place.

Let me outta here!

I wasn't read my rights!

I'm out of order? You're out of order!

You can't handle the truth!

Yeah, stick a cork in it, you dumb bird.

Anyone out there know a good lawyer?

$500. Good job, and good riddance.

De nada.

Potato, French fries.

What are you doing? You can't take Woody!

-Tommy, that bird burnt our house down.

-But I...

LANCE:
So long, woodpecker.

To think I was actually

starting to like you.

-But, Dad, they're gonna kill him!

-They're not gonna kill him.

They're gonna take him out

in the mountains and release him.

Yep, he'll be free as a, um...

Free as a...

A bird!

A little on the nose, Nate.

I was thinking more like a wild stallion.

Dad.

Jill and Lyle and me found their barn.

It's filled with stuffed birds.

They're taxidermists.

They're gonna kill Woody

and stuff him, I know it.

You are gonna let him go, right?

Oh, uh...

I am as, uh...

Good as my word.

Yeah, I'm cool. Thanks.

So long, kid.

You were the first friend I ever had.

I'm sorry, Woody!

I will never forgive you.

Tommy, come on.

Someday you'll understand

why I had to do this.

I understand.

I understand that whenever

something bothers you,

you get rid of it.

Like me and Mom.

Come on. That is not fair,

and you know it.

I'm surprised you

didn't have us stuffed, too.

Tommy.

Tommy!

WOODY:
Yeah, you're a real tough guy

when I'm all caged up.

Why don't you open up the cage

and we'll step outside and do this right?

Have it out man to bird...

All chirp and no bite.

Guys, guys!

JILL:
Checkmate!

Woody's been taken. I need your help.

-What?

-No way!

Woody.

You weren't trying to burn the house down.

Oh, no!

It's showtime.

Gentlemen and lady.

This here rare bird

is the Holy Grail of rare birds.

I give you the legendary

pileated red-crowned woodpecker!

Hmm!

-One hundred years,

it has been thought to be extinct.

Not only that, Nate,

but everyone thought it had died out.

And I'm the one

who's an endangered species?

Folks, the opportunity to add

this fine taxidermy specimen

to your collections

won't ever come around again.

The bidding will start at $100,000.

Do I have any takers?

Well, we can't go in there.

There's people there.

Let's see if there's a back way.

We should call the police.

They'll never believe us.

By the time they do, Woody will be dead.

NATE:
$600,000... Thank you.

675...

650, 650. Do I hear 675?

700...

Tommy? You came for me!

That's my boy.

NATE:
$750,000, $700,000...

Do I hear 800? 825, 825...

-$850,000!

-BIDDER:
Yes.

How do we get him out of there?

We gotta sneak in and steal him.

They'll catch us in a sec.

We have to call the police.

Or the National Guard.

No, that'll never work.

We gotta lure them out.

How about we pretend

we're wealthy eccentric bidders

who are willing to pay, like,

a million dollars for Woody?

-Sold!

-For a million dollars.

-TOMMY:
Go, go, go!

Going somewhere?

LANCE:
Hey, Sam, have you seen Tommy?

No, why?

I thought the woodpecker

burnt my house down on purpose

so I hired the Grimes brothers

to capture and get rid of it.

He's pretty upset with me.

-Any chance he might try and rescue it?

-Yeah, maybe.

I know where the Grimes place is. Come on.

$900,000, going twice...

Sold! Ha-ha!

To the guy in the funny-looking hat.

Thank you all so much for bidding.

Winner, you have

our electronic transfer information.

Funds are due in 10 minutes.

I hope you all are comfortable...

If you two so much as touch

a hair on my friends' heads,

I'll peck you new ones.

And I ain't talking about nostrils.

Squawk it up, bird.

It's the last noise you'll ever make.

Just so you know,

you're going to jail for this.

Well, just so you know,

not if they can't catch us.

And we're not sticking around

to get caught.

We just sold that little bird

for close to a million dollars. Stuffed.

Otis and me are officially

retiring to Ka-Ching City.

Ka-Ching City, that's in China.

What?

Start loading the truck.

Please.

Excuse me, Mr. Poacher, sir,

is that poison gluten-free?

Aw, don't worry, bird.

This is just gonna be like

taking a nap, forever.

Don't do this!

Whatever you're getting for Woody,

my dad will pay double!

I thought you said your dad was broke?

Oh! You were bluffing. My bad.

-Nate?

Now what?

Nate?

Otis, are you...

OTIS:
Well, howdy, Mr. Walters.

What can I do you for?

You got a moose problem now or...

I was looking for Tommy.

He was pretty upset about

the whole woodpecker thing

and I thought he might have

come up here looking for it.

Well, you know how kids are about animals.

I'm sure he'll be fine in a couple days.

I'll, uh... I'll keep an eye out for him.

Well...

See you around.

You guys going somewhere?

No.

Our, um, barn has

a termite problem.

We're just clearing out

while we fumigate the place.

Yeah, you do not wanna

breathe those chemicals.

I learnt that the hard way.

Wait a minute.

I want the woodpecker back.

-You do?

-You do?

Yeah, I do.

If that's what it takes

to make my son happy, it's worth it.

I'm real sorry, Mr. Walters, we...

We already let him go.

LANCE:
You did?

Yeah, he's probably flapping his way

to Saskatchewan by now.

Come on, Lance. Let's go find Tommy.

Good luck finding your, you know, kid.

Otis, let's stuff that bird

and get the heck outta Dodge.

What are you doing?

For the past year, I've been finding these

wherever there's been poaching.

It has to be them.

And I'd bet anything

they still have Woody.

Get the gun, Otis.

It's time to wrap this up.

-Please don't!

-Stop! No!

Don't do this!

Hey, don't I get a last request?

Like, you let me go?

TOMMY:
No, please, no, no, no!

LYLE:
Please!

Hold it right there!

We're saved!

Oh, you two are so going down!

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