Wristcutters: A Love Story Page #2

that really hit me.

- D-Desiree's what?

- Yeah, Desiree's.

She offed herself about a month after you.

I figured you'd know that.

- No.

- Hey!

What about the 200 you owe me?

I still want that.

So I'm saying I got a pretty good idea

she's not in the city.

Call it, you know, intuition or whatever.

Listen, man, worst-case scenario,

we just take a ride, right?

Who, we?

All right.

Let me put it this way.

Since you got here,

how many times did you get laid, man?

- Why?

- Just a question.

Actually laid?

Yes.

- None, I think.

- You think?

None. But what's that got

to do with any of this?

Plenty. 'Cause your sperm count is so high,

you think you're having

an out-of-body experience

Iike nobody in the whole

f***ing universe, man.

Eugene.

Sperm count too high?

That's a crock.

Listen, man, just let me borrow the car.

You don't have to do anything else.

Don't- Don't get so touchy

on me all of a sudden.

All I said is not good enough reason

for me to go.

Listen, you know what?

Forget Desiree.

I got another reason for you to go.

Give it a shot.

You got anything better to do?

I mean, what's the big deal?

It's just the headlights, right?

You wouldn't

believe how many times

I've tried to have it fixed.

You're telling me this now?

I mean, this means we can't

drive at night. At all.

We'll stop somewhere

before it gets dark.

We'll just get them fixed.

It's on me. I'll pay for it.

If you insist.

But I'll bet you a beer it can't be fixed.

Let's get some music, man.

What is this? These work, right?

- Oh, sh*t.

- What?

Anything that goes underneath that seat,

forget about it.

Is there a hole or something?

Yeah.

No. It's, uh...

Kind of.

It's more like- I guess you'd say black hole

or a- a- a Bermuda Triangle.

You know, things just

disappear on you.

That's not very good.

What is it?

- It's my old band.

- Really?

I had it in my pocket when I offed.

T ake that for a sec.

Oh, man, that's worse

than I remember.

What are you talking about? I like it.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

It's not bad at all.

Mike's Car Shop.

Perfect timing, huh?

I'll bet you a beer they can't fix it.

You're on, man.

Uh, okay.

Um, uh, it's broken.

And so I don't- I don't-

I'm not sure what it is that's wrong.

But Mike is my- is my boss,

and he's an absolute genius.

We're gonna get it fixed.

You guys just wait right here.

Okay? Okay?

Hey, see that car?

It's been cruising back and forth

since we got here.

I saw it five times already.

It's a taxicab, Eugene.

Think, man.

Who the f*** would need taxi here?

I don't- I don't know.

What are you trying to say?

Look at the driver.

- Why?

- He's Arab.

You've never seen

an Arab taxi driver before?

Oh, sure, I did.

But not since I offed.

Connect the dots.

Arabs, suicides.

Doesn't that freak you out

even a little bit?

No, man. You sound

like a f***ing, uh,

Homeland Security agent.

I mean, you forget where we are.

He's dead already.

We're dead.

Everybody here is dead.

He's not gonna try anything.

Nobody gives a sh*t here.

We're all immigrants now, man.

Then why is he looking

at me like that?

'Cause you're staring at him

like you need a f***ing taxicab.

Quit looking at him. He'll go away.

Oh, shoot.

It looks like we're staying here tonight.

Hey, boy, how you doin'? You're pretty.

Hey, Jimmy, why don't you

go start this thing up?

Let's hear this beauty moan.

Well... Moan?

No, no. We just want to-

The headlights.

Oh, you need a-

You need an exhaust system,

valves got to be adjusted.

Oh, what a b*tch

of a fuel pump you got in there.

No, no, no, no. No, no.

We just want to fix the headlights.

Honey, are you home?

Honey?

He hasn't slept a wink

since we got here.

We'll fix your headlights by tomorrow.

- Get them fixed by tomorrow.

- T omorrow?

Yeah. T omorrow.

F***ing shift stick.

This is the last time I sleep in the car.

Yeah.

Where are my shades?

I dr- I dropped them.

Man, I told you to be

careful about that, man.

- I know, I know.

- God damn it.

I was, Eugene. It's- It's so bright.

I didn't mean to drop them

under there.

I gotta- I gotta piss, man.

Aah! God damn!

What the hell?

Morning, boys.

Nothing like a good

night's sleep, huh?

These headlights

are giving me a headache.

But you give me a day or two,

I'll have it fixed up

once and for all and forever.

That's how Mike does it.

Once and all and for- forever.

Wait. Look at this,

look at this, look at this.

Looks like you owe me

first beer of the day.

I told you, man. No one can fix

the headlights in this car.

You asleep?

Yeah, man, I'm asleep.

You're missing a lot of beautiful sh*t.

Can't believe you lost my shades.

Holy sh*t.

Oh, geez!

What the- Wait. What- Oh-

Eugene, what?

What?

Afternoon, lady.

Where you guys going?

East-ish.

East-ish?

You guys don't have any clue

where you're going, do you?

Well, you haven't been here very long, right?

Why's that?

'Cause if anybody here had a clue,

we wouldn't be here in the first place.

True.

I am pretty new.

Actually, I've been hitchhiking

ever since I got here.

How come?

Because I'm looking

for the people in charge.

- People in charge?

- Yeah.

Just where do you think you are?

Some kind of country club

where you can just walk

into the main office?

Tell me, please,

when you were still living,

did you ever try to go looking for God?

No. But I really didn't have

any reason to back then.

And what reason do you have now?

I mean, you know,

are you just sorry you offed?

You, uh, changed your mind?

Because, you know, if that's the case,

and you're just waiting

for visa back home-

- Eugene, Eugene, Eugene.

- What? What?

What's your name?

Mikal.

- What's your name?

- Zia.

- Eugene.

- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

- Thanks.

So you're trying to leave?

You don't like it here?

Are you joking?

Do you guys like it here?

Who the hell likes being stuck in a place

where you can't even smile?

It's hot as balls. Everybody's an a**hole.

I just want to go home.

- I don't know.

- I like it.

Yeah, better than sleeping

in the car, man.

All right.

I'll go get the cashier.

I like that it has a window right here.

It's nice.

You want to try it out?

What do you mean?

You know what I mean.

I think I'm gonna go

see how Zia's doing.

I wonder if people who die normally

end up with no stars.

I really miss the stars.

You get used to it.

I don't want to get used to it.

I want to go home.

This guy who gave me

a ride the other day,

he said that he actually heard rumors

about the people in charge.

Um, apparently they wear

white outfits or something.

That's a crock of sh*t- white outfits.

He was just trying to get into your pants.

No, he wasn't.

He said he thought I had a really good case.

Oh, and what makes

your case so special,

if you don't mind me asking?

That I got here by mistake.

Well, we all got here by some mistake

one way or another.

And believe me,

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