Wristcutters: A Love Story Page #3

you have as much chance

at finding your folks in white

as Zia has to find his dead princess.

You don't know that.

No, you don't. I bet he'll find her.

Yeah. Besides, I got a hunch

she's not that far away.

Wherever she is,

I bet she found someone by now.

Probably some black guy

who hanged himself by his dick.

It wouldn't matter, Eugene.

You know, I was thinking.

Yeah?

If you were to ever cheat on me...

make sure you do it

with somebody who's really pretty.

What are you-

What are you talking about?

I'm not gonna cheat on you.

Why do you say that?

I know, baby.

Hey, Eugene, do you mind if I drive?

I'll get us there in half the time.

Get us where?

Over there.

Oh, there.

All right, then.

I'm not sitting in the back.

Why not?

'Cause everybody knows

guy in the back seat doesn't have a cock.

- What?

- That's a fact.

If the guy in the back seat

had a cock,

he wouldn't be back there

in the first place.

Well, l- I mean, I got a cock, man.

So how can- I'm not-

Mik, do you have a cock?

Yeah, I have a cock.

A big fat one.

I'm looking for the people in charge

because I'm here by mistake.

I'm not supposed to be here.

I've been looking for a while.

I'm looking for a girl named Desiree.

Short blonde hair,

about this tall.

I'm not sure what you're

trying to accomplish is completely legal.

- Well, that's very-

- Can I see some l. D.?

We're looking for the people in charge

of this place

because I've only been

here a couple weeks

and I got here by mistake.

Did I show you-

Thanks, "Ociffer, " but we...

The people in charge.

- Nyet, Mom.

- P.I. C.

About this tall.

Her name's Desiree. She's really pretty.

When there's a trap

Set up for you

In every corner of your room

And so

The only way to go

Is

Through the roof

Through the roof

Underground

Through the roof

Underground

And as we crossing border after border

We realize the differences now

It's underdogs who

And if you want it, too

You'll always have to make your own fun

Hey, man, you need

to wipe these off for me.

# The local cultures

are dying and dying #

# The product growers

are buying and buying #

Man, are you doing that

intentionally to hurt me?

No. No. It's- It's not my fault.

I just wanted you to clean those off.

- I know. I was cleaning.

- That's a hole. I told you.

You want to see if my hat

drops down the hole?

No, I'm not gonna

drop your hat in the hole!

Guys, guys, guys, guys!

Here's my tobacco.

See if that goes down.

Guys, guys, please stop bickering.

Please?

Eugene, there's a diner right there.

Will you stop?

Good. Perf- Perfect timing.

And you, don't touch my stuff no more.

- You handed me the shades, man.

- Don't touch my stuff no more.

Yes, Mama.

Didn't he already talk

to his mom this morning?

Yeah, but, supposedly,

that's, uh, normal in Russia.

I don't think that's normal anywhere.

Yeah, I know.

I'm gonna go get some smokes.

Do you want anything?

Next time you grab my ass,

I'm going to tell your mom, a**hole, okay?

Okay?

All I'm saying is neither of us

have scored with her, you know?

I don't know about that.

The other night, uh, she said

she thought you were cute.

Cute?

That's what they say about a puppy.

The only thing worse

is "good friend" or "nice person. "

In plain English it means

" I'll leech off you as long as I can,

but don't even think

about getting into my pants. "

Yeah, well, you might be right about that.

Of course I'm right.

I say we get rid of her while we still can.

I mean, look.

Look at what we're losing out on

because of her.

Yeah, I don't know.

The whole "people in charge" thing

is a little weird.

See? That's what I'm talking about.

Shoot.

Look, f*** her, man.

Okay? That's what I'm talking about.

She's eavesdropping

on her friends now.

Where'd you get those shades?

What shades?

Mikal bought us shades, man.

Sweet of her.

But it is good to be on our own, you know?

Eugene, you know, I love you, man,

but you can be an a**hole.

What do you care?

We're looking for lrene, right?

Yeah, we're looking for lrene.

All right. Then let's look for lrene.

Okay, just calm down.

If you just comply,

everything's gonna be just fine.

On what charges?

Breaking that sign is

a clear case of vandalism.

That's absolutely retarded.

- You're handcuffing me, too?

- Y es.

Are you serious?

Y es, I'm placing you under arrest.

Hands behind your back.

I was just trying to make this place

a little bit less depressing.

What's the big deal with that?

This is so dramatic.

You don't even need to be doing this.

- No. Wait, Officer.

- What the hell is your problem?

That's my sister. What's going on?

Your sister?

Yeah, yeah. What's going on?

I'm afraid your sister's been arrested.

Arrested?

Wait. Can I talk to you for a minute?

What have you got to say?

I- I mean, she's only

been here a few mo-

- You know, how long you been here?

- Some time.

First of all, she just got here.

Well, you remember what it's like

those first couple months, right?

I mean, the no-smiling thing's

really getting to her.

Nobody's got any good humor

or anything like that.

Well, I can turn

my head away this once.

Yeah?

Ma'am, you better watch your behavior.

You bet, Officer.

You didn't have to do that.

Thank you.

What are you- You gonna-

Can we still give you a ride?

No, thanks. I think I'm headed

the other way.

Listen, l-

I'm sorry about all that back there.

It's-

We didn't mean that.

It's just Eugene's venting.

That's okay.

Doesn't matter.

I just want to-

We don't-

We don't mean that.

You know what?

It's probably gonna be hard

for me to get a ride

with you standing there, so-

Yeah. Probably right.

I hope you find what you're looking for.

Thank you.

I really do.

- Where were you, man?

- Guess who I just saw.

Who?

Mikal. She's right back there.

What the f*** was that?

Oh, man. You didn't

take out the nozzle?

You deal with this guy. I'm not into it.

What?

I'm sorry again.

Oh, it happens all the time.

At least twice a week.

- Really?

- It happens. See?

All these are already filled out.

Right here.

What's this here about, uh,

"What were you thinking

when the incident occurred?"

Exactly that.

Here I am again, buried in debt.

If pulling the trigger

didn't solve my problems,

what the hell will?

I was wondering if l

was too drunk to drive.

But the problem with you

is that you don't think it's f***ed up

- to talk sh*t about me when I'm not there.

- I was kidding.

You were kidding?

You didn't know I was listening.

No, I didn't.

That's eavesdropping.

- That's what I'm talking about.

- Whatever.

- Look, I found-

- Calm down, man.

- Look at this.

- Calm down. Relax.

It's her phone number. It's Desiree.

It's her phone number, her address,

everything. Look at that.

I spaced out because the man at pump 3

looked just like my ex-boyfriend.

Where is he?

He feels so close.

I knew she was close, man.

I told you, man. I felt it.

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