WTF! Page #3

But I'm not too stoned

for some lovin'.

Hey, you wanna make out?

Okay. What are you thinking?

Here or the bedroom?

Wait. For real?

Oh, sh*t.

Okay. Here.

Here. Okay.

In your stoneriffic dreams!

I was close. I was close.

I was close. I was close!

That was never gonna happen.

This is.

Rachel! Really?!

Seriously?

- Come on, Rachel.

Come on, babe.

That'd be so hot.

Come on, Rach, stop being

such a f***ing square!

- Good one, Bev.

- This is not happening.

That might not be happening,

but... this is.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Hey, can I join?

Mm-hmm.

This is the best

spring break ever.

Um, no.

Down, dog.

I'm right here, Sam.

Don't be so f***in' uptight.

I wasn't gonna actually do it.

We can leave right now.

Just say the word.

No, I'm staying.

Well, in that case,

grab us some beers.

If my dick wasn't so stoned,

I'd totally f*** you silly.

Right, 'cause that's

the only reason

that's not happening.

- I'd like to make a toast.

- Ugh!

Oh, my God, so boring!

Let's just get shitoxicated!

- Seriously.

- Aren't you already drunk?

Aren't you supposed to

toast with champaign?

Hey, everyone! Focus.

I just wanted to say...

thank you guys so much for

being so awesome on this trip.

I know I've been

a bit weird lately,

But I appreciate you all

bearing with me.

Show us your tits...

And, of course,

thank you, to my mature...

All right, guys!

What's with everybody

always getting my shirt wet?!

For the real chug toast.

Damn it.

Cheers.

So, what do you guys think?

My uncle's place

is pretty tight, right?

Eh.

Yo, I thought

your uncle was dead.

Who's keeping these fish alive?

My uncle didn't

die that long ago.

Plus, he's got all types

of automatic feeders hooked up

to keep these fellas kickin'.

Fish feeders

don't last that long.

Your uncle must have died

pretty recently.

Dude, are you, like,

still in mourning?

Eh.

Whatever.

I hope those fishies don't mind

if I whip this bad boy out!

- What?!

- Oh, sh*t!

Oh, dude!

It's a bongasaurus!

Whoa! It's Bongzilla.

How'd I not see it

sitting right there?

Because you're a Stoner.

Yes, I am.

- He's got you there.

- I am.

Do you wanna do the honors?

Don't mind if I do.

Thank you, sir.

- Yeah.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God, that's gorgeous.

- Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

Oh, sh*t.

Yo, blow some of that sh*t

my way.

I'm better with the tech stuff

when blazed.

Ooh, yeah.

Can you feel that?

- Yeah.

Yeah, this sh*t is dope.

What are you doing

over there anyways,

Nerd-o-Rama 5000?

I'm settin' up a video game.

You've got my attention.

So, this system actually

just plays classic video games.

- Lame.

- Double lame.

Yeah, I figured you guys

would say something like that,

and I totally understand.

Something vintage like this

requires a certain level

of sophistication

that I would not expect

from either of you two.

Oh, I get what you're doing.

I get what he's doing.

I get what you're doing.

You're trying to make

your lame game seem less shitty

by calling us unsophisticated.

Is that what I'm doing?

Yeah,

and I don't appreciate it, man.

Sh*t.

Video cord must be in the car.

I'll be back!

- Oh, no, the video cord's in the car!

Don't f*** with

the set while I'm gone!

Don't f*** with

the set while I'm gone!

Wait, how does that make us

more unsophisticated

if we like more cooler, better,

newer, less shitty games?

Yo, f*** Bevan, dude.

Let's f*** with this sh*t.

Yeah, let's f*** with his sh*t.

F*** Bevan. F*** Bevan!

And I'm the gay one.

Oh, f***!

Oh, f***, dude!

Oh...

Nice.

Where have you ladies been?

Lady stuff.

Peeing.

Come here.

Ew. Perv.

Check it. I'll give you

a better view, too.

Uh?

There's nothing to see.

Yes! I will f***ing end you!

I will end you!

You're such a loser.

Yes!

Come closer and

say that to my twat.

Hey, Bonnie, you motorboat me,

I'll motorboat you?

Ew!

K.O.

You okay?

- Hey, what's up, babe?

- What's goin' on?

You guys need

some help over there?

I-I'll be okay.

I'm just a little dizzy.

Okay, good, 'cause I'm

crushin' it right now,

and I don't want

to f*** up my flow.

She'll be fine.

This isn't the first time

I've made a girl dizzy

at the sight of my body.

Please. If I had to choose

between seeing that

or doing what she just did,

I'd definitely do

what she just did.

I certainly understand.

Must be hard for you to look

without touching.

All right, babe, let's

leave the boys to it.

You look like

you could use some rest.

Thank you.

Hey you're coming back after

you put her to bed, right?

If by put her to bed,

you mean puttin' those balls

into dat ass!

That's not a thing.

Jacob, that's not actually

a thing.

Told ya.

Such a child.

I think I'm gonna

take a little nap.

Bonnie, you wanna come...

hit the sack?

Kinda like how Rachel's hitting

Sam's nutsack, right now?

Yes, yes,

now I am certainly ready.

Excuse me.

- What? I'm on fire!

I'm on fire.

I think you're making

some headway with Bonnie.

I think soon I'll be getting

some head from Bonnie.

I heard that!

You were meant to!

I got this in the bag.

I...

I thought that... you were

just putting me to sleep.

I will when I'm finished.

Ugh, stop!

- What?

- I'm sorry, I can't!

Rachel, are you serious

right now?

I-I'm sorry.

Rachel, f***! Come on!

My-my balls are like

f***in' Smurfs right now!

This is f***in' bullshit, man!

F***ing...

F***!

Okay, so, your friends are a

bunch of perverted degenerates,

is that it?

You've painted

a pretty vivid picture here.

I get it. We get it.

Fast forward a

little bit for us, Rachel.

When did things

start to go wrong?

Yes, and be as precise

and as detailed as possible.

We need to put together

an intimate understanding

of how all of this went down.

The only way we could help you

is you offer us as much

information as possible.

Whoo!

Yo, yo!

Got a special delivery!

Yeah!

Are you seriously telling me

that none of

you able-bodied men

are gonna help Rach out

with this?

There is nothing able-bodied

about me right now.

I'm pretty thoroughly f***ed up.

You guys are useless.

And you, you're her boyfriend,

you're just gonna

let her do this?

Nobody told her to do it.

I don't mind swimming

with a few leaves.

Why don't you help

if you care so much?

Yeah.

Chivalry is so f***ing dead.

I'm good.

Hey, why did your uncle

even live out here?

It's so boring.

And there are

mosquitoes everywhere.

This may sound clich,

but he really loved

the great outdoors.

His house is practically

a mansion.

Hey, how did he die?

Like, what happened?

Nah, they actually

never found him.

What? Like he just,

like, disappeared?

Yeah, something like that.

I don't know.

My theory is that...

he's still out here,

lost in the woods,

along with his mind...

and a machete.

I'm going for a swim.

Anyone else?

Spring break, b*tches!

Come on, boys.

- Get off my Kool Aid,

before I sick Uncle Travis

on you.

So tiny!

Come on, babe!

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