You, Me and Dupree Page #9

Get off my property!

I'm tired of this crap!

Get the hell out of here!

Go home!

Jackpot.

(NEIL LAUGHING)

It's the wrong number.

You like to fish, Dupree?

I'm not the world's

greatest fisherman.

Although I did have

one pretty great adventure.

True story.

Off the coast of Baja

during spring break,

I spent four days

reeling in this marlin.

Great, big, old shitkicker,

and I finally landed him.

Four days?

Well, I hope you mounted

that son of a b*tch.

No. I didn't.

Catch and release, Bob.

Honor the fish.

THOMPSON:
That's really noble.

Dupree. How would you like to

go fishing with me in my boat?

DUPREE:
Really?

Yeah. Just the two of us.

Chick-a-boom. Chick-a-boom.

(LAUGHING)

DUPREE:
Why not?

Hey, Bob, is it just me,

or are the albacore

really jumping?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

You're funny.

What type of fool thinks

it's albacore season?

Dupree, from now on,

you call me "Dad."

Yeah. Go out there.

Maybe bring Molly along.

Nice, Dupree.

Need some of this?

You sure you're

okay with this, Bob?

As long as it's not Carl,

you can do anything

you want with her.

(GROWLING)

(SCREAMING)

Poetry, Aunt Kathy,

librarian-banging,

backstabbing, bike-riding,

couch-burning masturbator!

You ruined my life!

You ruined my life!

Carl, get off of him! Stop it!

Get a hold of yourself!

MOLLY:
Oh, my God!

I will not get

a hold of myself!

This is my house!

Are you kidding me?

What are you gonna do,

hit me with that thing?

You gonna hit me?

Carl, stop it!

Come on! I dare you!

(GROANING)

Dad!

You dared me.

Don't tell me

you want the porn back,

because you can't have it!

Why is it all Asian?

Whoa, what's with

the bag of frozen peas, man?

There was a little bit of

a blowout at the house.

My wallet's still there

and my car's boxed in.

It's not a big deal.

I need a place to stay.

I've got nowhere to go.

You want to stay here?

Yeah.

Yeah. That'll be fun.

That'll be really cool.

Let me ask Annie.

NEIL:
Yo, Annie.

ANNIE:
What?

Carl wants to stay here.

Carl?

Oh, really? I just got

off the phone with Molly.

He tried to kill Dupree.

He cannot stay here.

He needs somewhere...

What are we gonna do?

Be afraid in my sleep? No!

Tell him to leave! Now! Now!

Okay. Fine. I said fine!

Look,

I don't know what you did,

but she just talked to Molly.

She's freaked out

at you right now, man.

Neil, what are you saying?

I can't come into

your house right now?

You cannot come in here.

She said so, man.

She makes the rules.

You know what?

I don't need this, Neil.

I don't need this.

I don't need this!

I'm sorry!

ANNIE:
Neil,

get back in here!

She controls what I do!

Guys' night. Thursday.

I'll see you there.

Dr:
Grayhead to the ER:

Dr:
Grayhead to the ER:

Frankly, Molly,

I'm worried

about your safety.

Maybe I should have Paco

come stay at the house.

Oh, Dad, please.

I don't need this right now.

Molly, I love you

more than anything,

but you're an idealist.

You don't see the world

the way it is.

Dr:
Navarro to 751:

Dr:
Navarro to 751:

The doc says most of

my injuries are emotional.

Dad. I'm going to

ask you something,

and remember, you've never

lied to me before.

Do you ever really want

my marriage to work?

That's a really

complicated question, Molly.

No. Actually, it's not.

Dupree.

Molly? Molly.

Bob, before I go, I have

my own question for you.

And remember, you've

never lied to me either,

as far as I know.

Who did you really want

to get a vasectomy?

Me? Or was it, in fact, Carl?

Take care of your neck,

Dupree.

Okay, Bob.

(CUTLERY CLATTERING)

Carl?

He didn't come home

last night.

He loves you, Molly.

I know. I know.

Maybe it's just not enough.

It has to be enough.

It is enough.

Dupree, you gotta piece

this beautiful thing

back together again.

By God, it took 36 years,

for the mother ship to speak.

Well, guess what?

Dupree hears you.

Okay, gather around! Come on!

Everybody, gather around!

Over here!

BOY:
What's going on, Dupree?

I'm gonna tell you

what's going on.

We got an emergency.

That's why I gave you

permission to miss school.

Now, listen. Carl's missing.

He ran away

from home last night.

It's up to us to find him.

And here's the deal.

I don't know

what he's capable of.

If he attacks you, go limp.

Play dead.

That's what I did,

and I think it saved my life.

Toshi, pass out these fliers.

Give them to everybody.

Okay, Nancy,

go to Neil's house.

Okay, I'm on it.

Go. Go! Cesar, get up here.

I want you to hit

the grocery store.

Got it.

Thompson Land Development.

Danger! Be careful here.

Go! Go! Fall out!

And if you see him,

call someone.

Do the buddy system. Run!

(LOVE REMOVAL MACHINE PLAYING)

I'm just looking for this guy,

Carl Peterson, if you see him.

Right here.

I've just lost my friend.

Carl Peterson.

Here you go. Just stand there.

Put your head through this.

Carl!

Here you go. There you go.

Looking for a friend.

That's all.

CURLEY:
And he took his hat.

That was real.

His American Legion hat.

The colonel. Give us a break.

(LAUGHING)

Back again, huh?

Just came in

to make a pit stop.

Well, that's good

'cause your cot's been taken.

What's he talking about?

WOMAN:
How's Becca doing?

Is she coming in later?

In case you think

I'm still in love with Molly,

maybe you should

take a look at these.

They're all about Mandy.

Love poems.

Sonnets.

Little ditties, haikus.

I loved her.

How come you never told me

you wrote poems?

I don't know.

I guess I figured

you'd call me a homo.

Well, I guess I might have.

Listen, if there's

one thing I know about,

it's loving and losing.

But you can't lose unless

you stop waiting. And...

Look, Dupree. Listen,

I'm really not in the mood

for one of your soliloquies.

My life's in

the shitter right now.

Yes, it is.

But what are you

gonna do? Quit?

So what if you

made some mistakes.

Everybody does.

So what if her dad hates you.

You think you're

the first guy to be hated

by his father-in-law?

So what if he beat your ass

with a candlestick.

That's probably

happened before.

The point is,

is somewhere along the road,

you lost your magic.

They knocked you

off your game. Your Carlness

went right out the window.

What's with this "Carlness"?

It's not even a real word.

Yes, it is.

Oh, it is?

It's a verb.

It's a conjunction,

a preposition,

it's a philosophy,

a way of life.

It's your name

with "ness" attached to it.

Bullshit. There's never

been any Carlness.

There's just Carl.

Well, I'm glad we got

that straightened out.

My mistake.

You know, the truth is,

I never really thought

you and Molly were

right for each other.

There was something

about her I never bought,

right from Jump Street.

That whole, "Hey, look at me.

I'm a great person.

"I'm always smiling.

I'm pretty. I'm smart.

I work with inner city kids."

Get the hell out of there.

I saw through that sham,

and you did, too.

And if you want

to know the truth,

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