You I Love Page #2

- Yes.

- Why?

- Because. I work at the zoo.

- And you have nowhere to live?

- Nowhere.

May I ask you something?

Go ahead!

You're beautiful and famous.

Why Timofei?

He has such...

beautiful hands...

I wish I could always hold

his hand, kiss him...

What?

Hold his hand?

That's... well... I mean...

No one is saying that it's bad.

Want to smoke?

- Hey, you're on. Talk to us.

- It's my birthday today.

- Why are you so sad then?

- I had someone to love...

- And now I've lost him.

- That happens sometimes.

But it'll pass.

What song shall I play for you?

- I don't know the title...

- It doesn't matter...

So, for Masha here's

a special birthday song!

Happiness...

What is happiness?

Happiness is Cola!

I can't before going on air.

Drink it!

Thanks, it won't help.

- I understand, it's terrible.

- What?

That storm in the Orlov region,

that anti- commercials act,

locusts over the U rals...

Viewers they suck,

and make-up artists

and stockings which run

a ladder all the time.

But why cry so hard?

I want to tell you...

This is important...

It's me, Timofei.

I want to tell you...

This is important.

- I love you.

- I love you.

Come to my place tonight.

I need you.

Come to my place tonight.

I need you.

- I want you, okay?

- I want you, okay?

- Will you come back?

- Will you come back?

- Forgive me. I love you.

- Forgive me. I love you.

And him?

H im? H im as well.

- It's all smudged.

- Wait, don't hang up.

- This is silly.

- Do you love me?

Yes.

We're coming to you

with the evening news.

I am Vera Kirillova.

'Sex on the Beach', please.

- 'Sex on the Beach'.

- Not with you, dear.

No, it's a cocktail with a...

Blue Curacao.

I believe you. But we don't

have anyone like that here.

Well, can you make an Orgasm?

Well, what's your problem?

- I can't tell you.

- Why?

Because no one

will understand me.

Why?

I'm in love with this guy.

But he... he loves men.

And I love women.

I think he has sex with men.

So what. And I have sex

with women.

- But why?

- J ust because.

I'm my own Moon,

my own sea...

And I'm my own road to where

there'll always be...

U lumji, but you know

how much I love you.

- Hello.

- Hello.

- H i.

- You're not at work?

- Not my shift.

- Thanks.

- That's not for you.

Timofei.

- Ivan Badmaevich.

- Pardon me?

- Ivan Badmaevich.

- This is my uncle Vanya.

- I n what sense?

- My uncle. My father's brother.

How do you like the cigars?

- H i!

- H i. Come on in.

Please meet U ncle Vanya.

- Who is that?

- H is uncle.

- What is he doing here?

- Came to visit his nephew.

The uncle is going

to live here too?

No, don't go away.

I don't know

what to do with them.

When I was a man,

I could not allow myself

to dress like that.

You know, U lumji,

I suffered so much,

consulted countless doctors.

And they all tried to dissuade

me. But I regret nothing.

I really recommend you do it.

Of course, it's not cheap.

But it's worth it.

You will find the money

for the operation, I hope?

He needs the support

from all of us at this time.

When I look at these

smooth arms of mine,

without a single hair,

I bless the Lord.

Yes, I bought this gorgeous

nail polish.

Try it.

And never regret the loss of

that small, unpleasant detail.

The operation is always done

under full sedation.

Hello, you're on.

Talk to us.

- I can't hear you.

- Talk to us.

- May I speak?

- Go ahead.

Finally I have reached you.

I'm Vasya from the Moscow Region.

Yesterday was

my girlfriend's birthday.

I want you to play a song

for her, and I want to say:

Masha, I love you so much.

Don't be angry, I just could

not reach you on the phone.

It just so happens,

by chance it seems

I've figured out

what eternity means

Can you film my deer in a commercial?

That's a great idea!

This is a present

for your deer...

- I've put on your gown, okay?

- Do I have an option?

- Good morning.

- H i.

It's delicious!

Buddhism teaches us

the pleasure of simple things.

Like salted tea with butter.

U lumji's grandma taught him

to cast away evil spirits

by stirring tea

exactly 22 times.

Little U lumji spent every

summer with his grandma.

He and his friend

would herd sheep.

Once they made a fire

by a lake

and suddenly wanted

never to be apart.

Perhaps, we've all lived

through this kind of summer

when walking on earth

felt like flying.

U lumji never forgot that summer.

- What's going on?

- It's my parents. I'm not here.

If you don't open up,

I'll turn you all in to the cops!

I can see you guys!

- What do we do now?

- Don't open the door!

U lumji, we've come for you.

I've the right to live however

and with whomever I want.

I'm going to call the police!

I'll call the fire brigade and

the rescue squad!

- It's better to open.

- Why, I'm an adult.

- Gotta brothel happening here.

- You better talk with them.

- No, don't do it!

- They're your family.

I will talk to them myself...

- I'm gonna get you later!

- She has nothing to do with it!

- She's that anchorwoman!

- No! That is a man!

Call me!

Good bye.

Enough, enough!

U lumji, we came after you.

Don't talk to your father

like that!

Come on. H urry.

And this is for me.

You should get

an iron door sometime soon.

- I liked his mother.

- And his uncle?

Not much.

At what age did you start

your sexual life?

Don't remember.

- Your first sexual partner?

- Don't remember.

He is absolutely normal.

You never get anything

good for free!

Maybe they're telling the truth?

Should've greased her palm.

I n the old days

there were real healers.

Not anymore. You are wrong.

I know a doctor. I took

my boss to him once.

- Where did you bring me?

- Do you know who comes here?

- Who?

- A certain you know who.

- Wait!

- Where you going?

Your uncle really decided that

you wanted to become a woman?

Do you know what

the famous Greek philosophers

thought about it?

And your friends don't know

what they want.

They should read

this book as well.

Help me.

What would you like to change

about yourself?

- What would you advise?

- Enlarged bust,

hair-styled intimate area,

eliminates life problems.

- M imic corrections?

- And what is that?

We give you a shot, your facial

muscles become atrophied.

You won't be able to smile,

wrinkles smooth away.

What else do you have?

I can recommend bio-stimulation

of the abdomen and hip muscles.

Very well.

- How's that? You like it?

- It's okay.

- Getting used to it?

- Yes.

Now I will be increasing

the voltage.

Our ratings are falling!

Something should be changed.

The hair color

should be changed.

And something must be

done about the breasts.

- Enlarge them!

- Emphasize them!

- Reveal them!

- Not sure!

More purple colors.

Our viewers are housewives,

we need to be neutral.

Maybe we simply need

an anchorman?

Maybe we should show more sex?

Maybe we should dress her

in Cacharel?

Something like that.

You will get used to it.

H i, darling!

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