You Kill Me Page #4

Francis, can you do

an old woman a favor?

Sure. What is it?

Give us a kiss.

- Oh!

- Just a quick one.

- Walter won't mind.

- I don't think...

We're moving!

Kathleen!

- Are you all right?

- I'm all right.

What happened?

Uh...

Walter, he made

a pass at me.

Why the...

- You look like sh*t.

- I need to tell you something.

No, you really don't.

Hey, get the f*** out.

I missed dinner

last night

because I got drunk

with little Irish people.

Well, you missed

some really good chicken.

You didn't

even occur to me.

Oh, well, f*** you too.

I'm sorry.

I thought you were in AA.

I thought you were supposed

to be done with this crap.

- It's not that simple.

- I don't need simple.

I just don't

need a**holes.

I like you!

You shouldn't

be in the dark.

I'm gonna tell you

everything you need to know.

I thought you

did that last time.

- There's more.

- There always is.

I don't need this.

I've heard a lot

of lies in my life...

You haven't

heard them from me.

The drinking was

messing with my work.

At the funeral home?

No, that's temporary.

- What do you do?

- I'm in personnel.

- Hiring?

- Firing, more like.

Anybody sitting

on a drink tonight?

Come on up.

- What's your name?

- Frank.

Everybody, here's Frank.

Hi, I'm Frank

and I'm an alcoholic.

Hi, Frank.

Yeah.

I didn't really know

I was an alcoholic

until recently.

I'm from Buffalo.

Drinking's a pretty

obvious thing to do there

and, you know, there's

work and then there's...

whatever you do when

you're not working.

And I was either

working or drinking.

And...

I guess I thought I kept

the two pretty well separated.

It had to be pointed out

to me that that wasn't...

really true.

I kill people.

Not with my drinking.

I actually kill people...

for a living.

I guess that makes me

f***ed up, I don't know.

It's the only job

I've ever had

and I'm good at it,

at least I was.

It's like any business.

You have competition,

you identify them,

you offer

to buy them out.

They don't agree,

you go to other means.

Everybody I killed

knew it was a possibility.

I've heard people here

blame a lot of stuff

on their families.

I don't know.

I like mine.

I got a choice...

drinking or them.

I don't know the exact definition

of the word "alcoholic,"

but from what

I'm hearing here,

sounds like I'm

a pretty good one.

I'm an even better killer.

I want to do it again.

I will do it again.

But I know now,

the only way I'm ever

gonna get to do it again

is if

I stop drinking...

forever.

Amen.

I know now

I can't do it alone.

Proved that to myself

last night.

I'm not even sure

I can do it here.

And I'm really scared.

Thanks.

Well, thanks

for that, Frank.

Actually, it went better

than you think. It did.

How do you know they

won't tell the police?

It's Alcoholics Anonymous.

Somehow I don't really feel

that's what they had in mind

when they came up with the name,

but you never know.

How do you kill them?

Well, you just

put it on a level

with everything else

and you don't

think about it.

That's deep, Frank,

but I meant literally, how do you do it?

Guns, mostly.

I need a drink.

Can you give me a moment?

Of course.

I know it's kind of

a lot to swallow.

You're right.

Why should I bother?

Because you don't want

to be alone any more than I do.

You know, it's sad,

but that's actually

good enough for right now.

Here.

Go kill something.

Well, I'll pick 'em up myself.

That's a bullshit

excuse, Bill.

No, I don't have to try

and understand anything.

Everything I need to know

I already understand

pretty goddamn well.

So stay at home, Bill,

crack a six pack, watch your TV

and make yourself

comfortable,

'cause you just

made a big mistake.

Who was that?

- Bill Kubala.

- Guy from Diecast Direct.

He says they're

out of parts.

The parts guy

is out of parts.

God!

That Irish bastard

is closing his fist.

Maybe we should

call the Greeks.

- Dad?

- Yeah, all right. Fine.

Let's call the goddamn Greeks.

You know, it used to be

sh*t like this happened,

we could just call Frank.

Frank's not here.

Lucky f***.

President William McKinley

was assassinated in Buffalo

at the Pan-American

Exposition.

Somebody shot

a president in Buffalo

and you thought,

"Wow, that's for me"?

No, see, he was

shot on the sixth,

but he didn't die

till the 14th.

For eight days he was

lying around in some mansion

while the doctors tried

to find the bullet.

Oh, yes!

No, I still...

I don't see.

They were using

an x-ray machine,

but he was lying on a bed

with metal springs.

So they couldn't find the bullet.

He got sicker and died.

Isn't that the kind of story

that's supposed to make you

grow up and become a doctor?

I saw the point in all

that poking around and malingering.

You shoot somebody,

you should kill them.

I saw the need

for precision.

Oh!

Gutter ball.

Can I get you

anything to drink?

I've got some

great tap water.

Comes out of that

tap right there.

Coffee?

It's a little late

in the day for me.

Why are you so nervous?

Coffee.

I like older men.

Why?

Because you're done experimenting.

You're not gonna

wake up tomorrow

and tell my you're gay.

What about the drinking

and the other thing?

Nobody's perfect, Frank.

- Coffee.

- Morning.

What are you

thinking about

sitting there

all serious?

My shortcomings.

Women don't even

pay attention to that.

I'm talking about this.

Oh, what is it?

People I've harmed.

You mean killed?

Well, eventually.

That's not the point.

I mean harmed.

The people

I've killed badly

because I was drunk.

This is your whole

precision thing?

Yeah.

Like here.

Look, Rod Fitzhugh.

Took me seven bullets.

And Karen Whittier,

I was supposed to slit her throat.

She moved.

I got her in the eye.

F***, Frank.

It's a little early

in the morning.

Well, I'm serious.

Jack Hensley.

He saw me first. I had to chase him

two blocks before I got him

in a Dairy Queen

parking lot.

That's no way to die.

So you got sloppy.

You can't unkill them.

They're still dead.

I don't regret killing them,

just killing them badly.

So what, then?

I got to make amends.

There are many

rewards that flow...

from the practice

of making amends.

So that's what you do.

And you do

what you have to do.

Thanks.

All right, these can be redeemed

in any of our stores nationwide.

That's five $25 gift certificates.

Well, I can't believe you had

the addresses of their next of kin.

Even drunk, I kept

thorough records.

So a knife in the eye

is worth 50 bucks off

your next purchase at the Sony store?

It's a start.

...to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change

the things I can,

and the wisdom

to know the difference.

Amen.

Let me have a couple

of kielbasa, will you?

Hiya, Roman.

Do you know that my wife

loves your sausage?

We're f***ed.

Hardwood floors,

of course...

with a view on three sides,

five bedrooms,

three and a quarter baths,

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