You Should Meet My Son! Page #3

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I was expecting in a daughter in law.

But you do make my son happy.

and lord knows I can be flexible.

Course we are going to have to think of something

to tell the neighbours.

(Mae) I do not wanna hear,

Of the two of you yammering on about how great your sex life is.

If its all the same to you...

I'm just going to go back to pretending you are Brian's room mate.

I can do it, I am very good at denial.

I want you to take these cups and....

(Mae) your....

(Dennis) Now Mae...

You left my wonderful son Brian,

For this.... this bleach blond home wrecker?

No offence I am sure your a very nice person.

It's complicated Mae.

(Mae) Complicated?

Oh Dennis it's simple.

You sir are a scoundrel.

and you know what my son deserves better.

You are not worthy of a man as good as my Brian.

I tell you what...

That boys head had seen more bleach

than a laundry room.

Poor Brian....

Poor Brian?

Poor Dennis!

He was lucky to have a man as good as my Brian.

Someday he is going to realise that.

Well at least you tried.

Oh I am not done yet.

I thought you said Dennis wouldn't....

Dennis shmemis

I am sure there are plenty of guys who would

be thrilled to marry a guy like Brian.

I know but....

My son is a good person he deserves to be happy.

Yeah but Mae we don't know any gay men.

Not yet.

Mae, what did you do?

(Door bell rings)

Hi, I have a delivery here for Mae Davis.

What a nice surprise.

It is so completely unexpected.

Oh would you mind carrying them into the kitchen for me?

Sure

(Mae)Thank you, right this way

Mae you didn't.....

Zip it!

Where would you like...

(Mae) Oh right over there would be perfect.

Thank you so much.

What's your name?

I'm Tim

Hi Tim, I am Mae and this is my sister Rose.

(Rose whispers) Hi

(Tim) It's nice to meet you.

You ladies have a beautiful home.

That is so nice of you to notice.

You know what I am going to get you,

A glass of ice tea

(Tim) Oh no I couldn't...

Oh but it is such a hot day...

No I insist.

(Tim continues to object)

It's important to stay hydrated.

Thank you.

So you like being a florist Tim?,

Is it a good living?

(Tim) Actually I am not a florist, I just deliver the flowers.

It helps pay for school.

School?

Now that wouldn't be medical school by any chance?

(Tim) Of sorts.... I am studying acupuncture.

Err what??

(Tim) It's a Chinese method.

(Tim) You relieve pain by inserting needles into pressure points.

(Mae) Really is that a good living?

(Tim) It can be.

How nice for you.

Then you must be a kind person to be a healer.

Do you think your a kind person, Tim?

(Tim) Sure

That is such a nice quality in a man.

I am always like a man with a sense of humour,

you know who is funny.

Do you think your funny Tim?

I guess so

Good tell me a joke.

what??

You said you were funny, so tell me a joke.

(Tim) Now?

(Mae) If you don't mind.

Hey I really gotta go

One more question.

Are you a homosexual?

It's not that you come across that way I just....

Yes

Oh that is so nice.

Isn't that nice Rose?

Oh yes that's wonderful.

That's so nice.

(Mae stutters)

As a matter of fact... my son .... is a homosexual

Isn't that right Rose?

And he is a real nice boy.

He is and he is funny and he is a good cook...

and he is handsome, don't you think he is handsome?

He would be a great catch for some lucky guy.

Oh really?

You know he is coming over for Sunday dinner.

Why don't you join us?

You know I would love to....

But I don't think my boyfriend would like that.

Oh sure.

Nice boy like you of course you would have a boyfriend...

I really appreciate the tea but I have to get going.

Tim just one more thing...

Where did you meet your boyfriend?

Oh come on we are grown women, you can tell us.

You know....

The internet.

The internet?

He met him at the internet.

oh yes I heard.

Are there a lot of homosexual men at the internet?

Oh yeah.

Brian gets me these like four Christmas's ago.

Says we can email each other,

It's not like he couldn't just pick up the phone and call.

That boy....

There sure are a lot of pieces.

I'll say....

Where do you suppose that goes?

How should I know?

The only people that understand these things are kids.

Hey Mrs Davis, my mom said you called about the lawn,

but I just cut it two days ago.

Oh I am so sorry I must have been mistaken.

But as long as your here....

And that is how you turn it on...

You are a very smart boy.

So what did you want to do with it?

We want to go on the internet.

OK what kind of connection do you have?

Connection?

Yeah, are you using DSL or a cable modem?

I'll just piggy back you off my wireless network.

And where would you like to go?

What?

On the internet where would you like to go?

Well..... My son Brian...

You remember Brain you met him at Christmas.

Well he has a best friend and he moved away.

And we want to find him another best friend.

But we have to have a very perticular type of.....

OK...

I'll sign you up on Man Hunt.

How do you know that?

I've heard about it from a friend at school, OK!

Just don't tell my mom I know how to do this.

Here is some cookies for later,

and here is a little something for the college fund.

Thanks.

No you deserve it you were a big help.

No problem.

Call me any time you need tech support.

OK...

Wow...

Look at all of them.

It's like a catalogue of men.

Yeah.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

GOD!!

That can't be real....

Oh he must have a real hard time finding pants that fit.

How about this one?

A masseur?

I was really hoping for a doctor.

How big are you?

Huh what?

I am just reading what he wrote...

and he said how big are you?

Well that's a hell of a way to start a conversation.

Oh he wrote it again.

How big are you?

He is a fast typer.

Oh my god, it's in caps now.

How big are you?

He is just very impatient.

How big are you?

Well Brian is 6 foot 4.

No Brian is 6 foot 2

Just write I'm big...

(Rose says sarcastically) I'm BIG.

Cut or Uncut?

How old are you?

It is none of his business.

How old.....

How old are you?

Tell him I am.... 52

(Mae repeats herself sternly)

Where did he go?

Well I don't know.

Well get him back.

What in the world make you think I know how to do that?

There was a thing I saw on Opera

I think it was called..... "Googling".

"Googling"

Yeah how do you spell "google"

Well what do you know.

You have a knack for this Rose!.

(giggles)

What do we want to ask it?

Where can we find some nice gay men?

Where do we find nice gay men in Birmingham?

Birmingham, Alabama

You over rated toaster.

But Mae.... Mae that is down town.

Well we haven't been down town after dark in like 20 years.

We just never had any reason to go till now.

You coming?

He man I gotcha I gotcha it is right around the corner...

Ladies there's a line...

Mae... I don't think this is a very good idea.

Seeing that I am sure they are personally nice people.

Lets go.

That's gross...

We are not going anywhere until we find someone for Brian.

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