You Should Meet My Son! Page #4

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Are you a nice "dogman"

(Man barks loudly at Mae and Rose)

Gregory Phillips..... what do you thin your doing?

(Greg chokes on cigarette)

Mrs Davis????

(Mae) Does your mother know you are doing this?

I was just standing here honest

I didn't know it was a gay bar.

My friend lynette god rest her soul,

She died of lung cancer.

You are much to young to be starting such bad habits.

Can I see some ID please.

Oh... really you are so kind.

(Both ladies giggle)

Oh god where is it?

Oh wait here it is.

There's my licence it has kind of expired but....

There is my shopping card, library card and there's a calendar.

Mam..... go in.

You are a credit to your profession.

Come on Rose lets go.

Hi, how are you?

That nice young man outside told us to come in here.

(Mae) 10 dollars?? each?

Do you offer a senior citizen discount?

Here you go.

No, don't worry it is always good to ask.

(Really loud dance music playing in background)

It's so LOUD.

(Mae) It's so dark,

how am I meant to find a man in this place?

Sorry, oh god I am so sorry...

Excuse me.

Does that hurt?

Hi my name is Mae...

Would you like to meet a nice....

(Mae sighs)

I must be doing something wrong.

I think your smiling to much.

(Rose) Look at them....

They all seem so serious.

(Mae using a really deep voice)

Hey I'm Mae...

(Rose) Mae lets get out of here we don't belong here.

We are not going anywhere till we find someone for Brian.

Oh for goodness sakes.

Mae.... MAE?

Excuse me.

Smoking and drinking?

I know you mother didn't raise you like this.

Can you please just go away and pretend you don't know me.

Is there a problem here?

He is to young to be drinking this.

She is kidding... I am 21

See I have ID.

And I have a library card that doesn't make me Stephen King

He will have a coke.

That's 5 dollars please.

for a coke?

You people must have a very profitable business here.

Are you single?

Never mind.

Excuse me....

Rose did you find anyone while I was gone?

No.

I swear I don't know how these gay men

meet each other is they don't even crack a smile.

(Rose whispers to Mae)

And why didn't you go before you left?

You were rushing me.

Go then.

Meanwhile I am going to make these men talk to me.

If I can face down those daughters of the confederacy,

I can certainly win over some stuffy homosexuals.

Hey there, I'm Mae Davis.

Oh my but isn't it a lovely evening?

Oh my god!

What do we have here?

What drapes died and made that?

Grandma the sound of music look is sooo over

(makes a tutting sound)

This I wouldn't bury my dead cat in this.

I'm sorry....

I didn't mean to intrude.

Please don't hurt me.

I know karate.

Foxy?

Yes Fantasia

A tiara?

Really?

I don't want any trouble.

You don't want any trouble?

But my dear life is trouble and it wouldn't be any fun if it wasn't.

Salsa

Yes Fantasia?

Does my memory fail me?

I don't remember inviting this "person" into my parlour.

And she certainly does not meet the dress code.

I am so sorry I didn't mean to intrude,

I just thought....

You would pop in and take a look at the freak show?

See how the other half was living?

Take a walk on the wild side?

and then rush back to your bridge club

to tell them some shocking little story.

No.... I am looking for a husband.

You do know what kind of club your in?

(everyone laughs)

Not for me.

It's for my nephew Brian

Oh wow he is cute.

Well you know his last relationship just turned out real bad,

and his mum and I want to find someone nice for him.

Some to make him smile.

Well you know what I mean.

When my mommy found out I was gay

she kicked me out of the house.

Mine did have a few unkind words on the subject.

Rose is it?

I am the Lady Fantasia Extravaganza

Charmed.

And this my protege and BFF, Miss Salsa Roha

Charmed.

I just love your outfit.

Are those chimmy chews?

Good eye.

You know what chimmy chews are?

I have never seen any in real life

but I have read all about them in Glamour Magazine.

You read Glamour Magazine?

From cover to cover.

I practically devour the whole thing the moment it arrives,

all those beautiful clothes

And yet you dress like this?

Oh I couldn't wear anything like that.

I am not like you two,

I am not a model.

Oh I am nobody special.

My dear you don't know how wrong you are.

Ladies, it's glamour time!

(Music playing)

(Music Playing)

You are such a scamp...

I don't believe a word of it but thank you.

Now why don't you tell me how you got...

Rose?

Rose is that you?

Don't you just love it?

Now this is my new friend Miss Fantasia.

Hello, I am Rose's sister Mae.

Oh the mother of young master Brian,

I am delighted to meet you.

Rose told me all about you little enterprise...

My friends and I would like to offer any assistance we can.

Thank you so much.

Miss Fantasia?

This is Jim and Glenn.

Would you know it there a couple.

Jim is in real estate and Glenn is a paramedic.

Hi

Hi

I am delighted to make your acquaintance.

I was just telling them about our little husband hunt for Brian.

Oh he's nice.

Yeah pity he is a coke head.

How about that one?

Married.

Him?

Alcoholic.

That one?

Passive aggressive.

Him?

Crystal fiend.

Him?

Republican.

Him?

Mine.

What about...

Also mine.

What I am popular.

This is harder than it looks.

Hi.

What was that?

It's called growing attitude.

ahhh he's just young.

Well that is no excuse for bad manners.

(Greg shouts in pain)

What was that all about?

What was what?

That nice man just said hello to you and you just sneered at him.

Because he is like 100 years old

Now honey listen to me...

Being 16 and skinny is no great accomplishment.

That man is a paramedic he saved someone life today.

Now would it kill you to be polite and come over and say hello?

Jim, Glenn this is my neighbours son Gregg.

Hi

err....

Hello (sneers)

Are you like a doctor or something?

See was that so hard.

(Mae sighs)

And pull up your pants for god sakes.

Who is going to buy the cow when you give the milk for free.

What does that even mean?

Now where did Rose go?

Did I do it right?

Like an old pro.

Rose we are suppose to be finding a boyfriend for Brian, not....

Looking at his heine...

Rose??

It's so tight.

I have just never seen a heine that tight.

Oi, it is very nice

I am not saying it is everything...

Ladies can we focus?

Look at his tummy Mae....

I can count each little muscle.

Oh?.... look at the size of that...

Ladies, he is a walking talking anatomy lesson...

I am sure that Brian is looking for a man that...

Oh my...

Oh... Brian isn't looking for a man that...

All right give me a dollar.

Excuse me....

Woohoo Mr Stripper Man?

You single?

What?

Are you single?

Lady I am flattered but I am not even straight.

Yeah it is hard work but it makes you feel like

your making a difference every single day.

Yeah fascinating story.

So you guys going to but me a drink now or what?

Now why would we go and do that?

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