You Should Meet My Son! Page #5

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So I can keep standing here being seen with you of course.

Really I like a guy with a great sense of humour.

This life is just to damn hard if you can't laugh at it.

That is so true.

You know you both totally want me.

(Both start laughing)

No

Not so much.

Not since you opened your mouth.

So what do you do when you not..... naked?

I go to school.

School?

Law school? Med school?

Art school.

Oh?

What?

Oh nothing...

It's just me letting go of a dream.

Bullshit....

See you know you want it.

Oh I really wish my mom was as cool as you are.

Good can you tell that to my son when you meet him?

And between you and me Chase he is a catch.

Honey I get to go home to that every night....

So you can put away your pop gun.

Here are directions to dinner at 5PM sharp.

And you don't have to...

You don't have to bring anything.

Thanks.

Chase it's not formal dress but...

Oh yeah yeah yeah I will put on pants.

awww come on why not?

Your annoying

Arrogant.

A twink

and like total jail bait.

I'm 21... see?

Oh this again... I think this little card has

caused enough trouble for one night.

Hey can I bring my friend Miss Kitty?

She is an elegant woman just like you.

Well of course.

There right there.... Kitty?

Miss Kitty?

Which one is she?

The one with the strong right hook.

Give me that.

I know you mother.

This sucks.

I ..... Language.

Now I hope you two boys can come over for dinner.

It's nothing fancy just good food and good folk.

Now Gregg say goodnight to your new friend,

I am giving you a ride home.

I just got here.

It's 10 PM and it's a school night.

I don't know where you mother thinks you are.

Ugh... women.

I heard that.

Rose , come on...

Can I tell you two something?

You all are the first new friends I have made in 20 years.

Darling?

Divas...

Good OK...

(Speaks Spanish)

and then....

Sister sizzle.

I love you

No I love you.

Oh he's cute.

Yeah you should probably stick to university for a little while.

Wow you have been everywhere.

Yeah Artith and I finally had a chance to travel

when Brian was in college.

That one is take in Rome.

And is this Brian?

That is my pride and joy.

Where's your husband?

He passed away a few years back.

I'm sorry.

Oh don't be, he had a good life

and I was lucky enough to share it with him.

(Doorbell Rings)

(Rose) Hey Mae, you want me to get that?

No no I will get it.

Well here we go.

You go and hide in the dining room

because I wanna surprise him.

OK.

OK great.

Brian...

Hey mom.

I am so glad you are here there is

someone I want you to meet.

Oh yeah about that I actually...

Everybody this is my son Brian.

(Everyone)

Hi Brian.

Hi...

This is the Lady Fantasia Extravaganza.

Charmed.

All right...

This is Jim.

Hi.

And Glenn

Hi.

I am Gregg.

Remember what we said about the varsity team.

Isn't that the neighbours....?

Yes we are trying to find him some better role models.

And this is Chase

He is going to art school.

That's nice.

This is Miss Salsa Roha.

Who I might add has turned out to be quite the cook.

You will have to try my (Spanish word) sometime.

Right..

And now that we are all here

why don't we sit down to dinner?

errrr... you see mom.... the thing is...

Oh now where is kitty?

Knife fight.

Don't ask.

Well does everyone have something to drink.

Mom.... MOM!!

So your mom tells me that your a teacher.

Yeah.

So what does a girl got to do to get a little extra credit?

So what is it that you teach?

AP Literature.

So what is your favourite book?

Errrr... excuse me both you guys but...

Mom..

Can I ask you something?

Of course dear.

How do you know all these people?

Why you acting like I never get out of the house.

So are you surprised that I have friends you don't know about?

Yeah.

You know that they are all...

Delightful? Yes are they just.

So Chase, why don't you tell Brian

about the painting your working on the one about the rack...

Oh well it is this kind of arigory....

Sorry ERM...

Mom I have some news,

and I mean some really big news.

Well I think I know what it is.

Really how did you find out?

I'm your mother I know everything.

(Doorbell rings)

Now I wonder who that can be?

Maybe it's Kitty.

I'll get it.

Mom wait a....

Hello....

Well hi you must be Brian's mom.

I'm Jenny Sue.

Errrr.... Yes?

Jenny Camble of Scott's Camble.

This is Jenny Sue, My Fiancee.

(Jenny) It is so nice to finally meet you.

Brian talks about you all the time.

Does he?

My goodness and so many people.

Brian never told me that you were throwing us a party.

Well you know how things slip his mind.

Oh this is Salsa Roha.

Hola, delighted to meet you.

Just because you have a real couchie....

Tourette Syndrome poor dear and

the doctors can't do a thing about it.

I am Miss Fantasia Extravaganza.

It is so nice to finally meet you.

Brian has been talking our ears off about you all evening.

Oh you must be frightfully bored by now.

Oh on the contrary we are dying to hear more..

This is my sister Rose.

It is nice to meet you.

This is Chase, Jim, Glenn and Gregg.

Everybody this is Brian's Fiancee err....

Jenny Sue.

Hiya ya all.

Wait you said Brian was playing on our team.

Yeah well apparently he is cross training.

Would you like some salad?

What don't you all say grace?

Of course dear,

Would you like to do the honours?

Certainly.

Thank you god for another wonderful day,

and the chance to be here with my new friends.

And thank you for all this wonderful food,

and most importantly thank you for bringing Brian to me again.

Amen.

Oh my this certainly is an interesting dish,

What do you call it?

(Speaks very aggressive Spanish)

Wow what a name!

Mom is everything OK?

Of course dear why do you ask?

I was kind of expecting you to be jumping up

and down with excitement right about now.

You just caught me a little by surprise is all...

Am I not what you were expecting?

Oh no dear I have always wanted a daughter in law.

Oh bless your heart.

You know we should go out next week and have lunch,

we could get together and go shopping and get our hair done.

Oh that sounds like so much fun.

Can I come?

Of course I wouldn't think about leaving out Brian's favourite aunt.

You know mom I was really kind of....

Eat your salad dear.

Jenny Sue, have you and Brian given any thought,

about what your going to name the children?

MOM!

What?

I am just making conversation.

Oh yeah I have been keeping a list,

because I plan on having a big family with Brian.

Like the bible says be fruitful and multiple.

Jenny Sue, I love you already.

See Brian, I told you we would get along.

Now how about some red win it's a lovely...

Oh no thank you, I never touch the devils alcohol.

Brian how about you?

Oh he doesn't touch it either.

Really?

But Brian you have such lovely taste in...

Well Jenny Sue is helping me clean up my act.

That's right no more drinking, no more swearing..

and don't get me started on those practical jokes,

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