Your Friends & Neighbors Page #5

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a set of linens. 380-thread count.

Bullshit!

What's the matter?

You feeling sick? Huh?

Crampy? How about this?

Try shoving two aspirins up your crack

and never ever f***ing call me

in the morning. Got it?

That's my own remedy.

I'm going down to grab a beer

and I guess some f***ing 409.

Be gone when I get back. OK?

- God, that was...

- Mm-hm.

You're just...

That's all I can say.

And?

And?

I mean, do I really have to say it?

You couldn't tell?

No, I could. I think I could.

- I just wanted to...

- Hear it?

OK. I loved it. I did.

Thank you.

- What did you like best?

- Oh, Jesus.

- Just so I'll remember.

- You don't have to...

I'm not gonna want our greatest hits

from now on so

do whatever, OK?

But just one... Like one thing.

- Sh*t.

- Just tell me.

OK.

- You know what I like?

- What?

The silence.

When we were making love,

you were quiet.

I liked that.

Hey.

What happened to you?

We ran late.

I was gonna... I tried your pager

but there wasn't any...

Oh.

I even buzzed you here.

Really?

I didn't leave a message on the machine.

I hung up before the...

Do you think you're good?

- What, a good f***?

- No. Good.

I'm asking you

if you think you're good.

What do you mean?

What kind of question is that?

I'm asking... I'm saying,

are you, like, a good person?

Hey, I'm eating lunch.

- So?

- So, why'd you invite me here?

- To ask me if I'm good or not?

- I just...

Good.

This girl tried to dump me once.

So I got some hospital stationery.

I sent her a letter informing her

she had appeared on a list

of previous partners of a patient of

mine who had just tested HIV positive.

- You did not do that.

- Oh, yeah.

Come on.

So, you decide. The b*tch deserved it.

She never understood me.

And it was a good joke.

But am I good for doing it?

F*** if I know.

All I do know is I did it.

And I find a certain clarity

in the gesture.

But don't you think

we'll have to, like,

pay for all this in the end?

Possibly.

I mean, if there ends up being a God or

something like the whole eternity thing,

then, yeah, probably so.

I don't know. We'll see.

But until then,

we're on my time. OK?

The interim is mine.

OK. Fine. I'll put it another way.

Take... me.

Oh, Christ, come on.

No, who better I should ask?

You're around me so I'm asking.

Fine. I think you're a marvelous

human being. Now shut up and eat.

Come on. I'm serious.

I've just been thinking a lot lately.

I bet.

You say anything to her about it yet?

No.

I tried a million times but she...

So, if you didn't know me at all...

- Oh, Jesus.

- No, seriously.

- What is this?

- Nothing.

If you go around like this all day,

I'd cheat on you too.

Sorry. F***. That wasn't nice.

It's OK. I know you didn't mean it.

Forget about it, man.

It's the best thing, I promise you.

- I just wanted to know.

- That's not something you should do.

Our thespian friend

should think about it.

I'm gonna talk to him.

- It's his girlfriend.

- What are you gonna do?

I think I still got

some of that stationery.

Kidding.

Afternoon.

Hi.

Anything good?

Depends. Can you read?

I came over cos aren't you...

I thought I recognized you.

How are you?

- I'm great.

- That's nice.

- How you doing?

- Well... Couldn't be better.

That's good to hear.

- You looking for a bargain?

- Yeah. I got a tip from...

Isn't that funny? So did I.

I heard him talking about it.

- Small world.

- That is funny.

I half expected to find him in here.

- So...

- Yeah.

So, so, so.

This is odd. Running into

anyone you know in a city this size.

Yeah.

- Like fate.

- God, not fate.

What?

Sorry. I hear that word

thrown around our place a lot, so...

- He loves those Greeks, doesn't he?

- Yeah.

- Anyway...

- Yeah. Anyway.

You wanna get some coffee?

Er... Actually I'm er...

I'm meeting someone, so...

OK.

What about later?

I'd even go for decaf.

Erm...

No, thank you. I have...

Why not?

Huh?

Do you...

Why are you acting like...

Because I want to take you out.

It's just coffee. Don't say no.

I already did.

I could say it again for you. No.

Leave me alone.

OK.

- You're a real piece of work.

- That's great.

Nobody likes you.

You're aware of this?

- Are you for real?

- I don't get your kind.

You give my friend nothing but grief,

coming off like a dyke b*tch.

How do you live with yourself?

- What is the matter with you?

- You don't want to have a drink, fine.

I can take it.

I have a healthy self-image.

But you dick around people I know,

one of these days I'm gonna find you

and I'm gonna knock you on your ass.

You are a useless c*nt.

Get used to it.

It's just a shitty day.

Fine.

This is great. Did you write this?

- That's cute.

- It's really good.

Oh...

Anyhow, Mondays are still OK, all right?

Monday's still good?

Cos I could change my stuff around.

He's got that class.

He usually runs late.

What if he doesn't?

Why can't you just tell him?

I like the fact that he thinks he's

the only one f***ing around. I enjoy it.

- I'm glad I can be of service.

- That's not what I meant.

- Just tell me why.

- Don't question everything, OK?

It's very tiring.

Look, I love you. OK?

Huh?

- I know.

- I do.

But your questions are so useless.

There's so f***ing many of them.

I mean, I love being with you.

I've said that.

This isn't a barometer reading.

It lasts.

- I know.

- Believe me.

- I do.

- No, you don't.

Or you wouldn't be

wandering around a grocery store

asking me about the degree

to which I like being with you.

I can't explain it any better than that.

I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry.

You didn't do anything. You just...

You just talk too much. Jesus.

Most of them are young boys.

But when you get to the Restoration,

women finally get a chance to go on

stage but most of them are prostitutes.

Why don't you guys head on

into the Age of Reason, OK?

I'll catch up.

I've got to make a call.

Just right over there

by the... by the Voltaire statue.

- Hi.

- Hello.

Wow, this is...

Erm...

I'm sorry I didn't call you. I was...

Actually I tried to but then

I lost the office number and...

God, this is so...

This is weird. Isn't it?

I'm here with some kids doing research.

Yeah, she's cute.

No, they're students.

Hey, could we...

Do you think we could talk maybe?

- No.

- Just get together and...

- Could we just stop... Come here.

- Please leave me alone.

I need to talk.

At least get some closure.

What you need is the last thing

on Earth I'm interested in.

The same hotel room. The exact same.

Yes, that was... I...

I suggested it to him. He asked and...

- How could you do that?

- I don't know.

How?

I was jealous, OK?

I guess I just...

I mean, I wanted to be there first

with you. I wanted to feel that.

Well, you weren't.

You never were.

I know, but I wanted

to pretend like I was.

Why?

Because. I just... I felt...

I didn't want it to be the same.

That's the only reason

I agreed to it in the first...

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