Your Highness Page #2

that we can all remember.

And I'm trying to think now

and there's nothing.

Courtney, I think I've had enough

of this foul party.

Yes, sir.

Stupid Julie, I'll show him.

I am Thadeous,

the greatest sword fighting man

to ever live.

I will murder anyone whoever tries

to insult me

or challenge me.

Some balls you have, Simon,

showing yourself to me.

No matter what you say,

we'll never be friends

because I hate mechanical inventions

and you know this.

Wipe that smile off your face.

Hey, Simon.

You should swing from your hips,

Brother. You'll get more leverage.

Here, let me show you.

Oh, god.

Put your hands there, yeah,

and swing.

Gods, get off of me.

I know how to use a sword.

- Do you?

- Yes.

We'll see about that.

Okay, enough.

I don't want to do swords with you.

I'm doing it by myself.

Defend yourself, Brother!

- Stop it.

- There you go.

Stop.

Defend yourself!

Stop it.

Oh, sh*t!

You just nicked my knuckles!

Oh, you'll be all right. It's not

as if I cut your head off or anything.

Why would you bring

that disgusting thing here?

It's getting juices in our water supply.

It's a souvenir of my kill.

I always take one

from a foe that's tasted the cold,

unrelenting steel of my blade.

Souvenir of your kill?

That sounds like a rather stupid,

bloodthirsty tradition.

What's your problem?

Why are you such a sourpuss?

I'm not being a sourpuss. I just

didn't wanna be at that celebrations.

All I want is for you

to be a part of this moment.

I want you to be gay with me and father.

I don't want to be gay with you two.

I'd rather just stay in here

with my blade and f*** things up.

Why would you say that?

Because, Fabious, it's true.

I'm sick and tired

of everyone sucking up on your tits

because you are to become king.

All the while, no one gives

two turtle shits about me.

But Thaddy,

first borns like me, we become king.

Second borns, you can be

whatever you want to be.

I want to be king.

Maybe we can both be king.

No, I want to be king by myself.

Well, cheer up, Brother.

I have something else that you can be.

What?

Best man at my wedding.

I can think

of no one else I'd want by my side

as I sing my vow passionately

into her eyes.

Sounds tedious and boring.

If I'm not mistaken, it's tradition

that the best man gets

to finger the bridesmaids.

Really? I've never heard

of this tradition.

You have a f***ing deal.

Oh, you're gonna be so handsome!

Who's gonna be

the most handsome best man?

Probably me.

Who's the prince

with the most dashing moustache?

Me.

Who gives the warmest hugs?

Me, of course.

I love you, Thadeous.

Okay, that's cool.

All gather for the royal wedding!

Hello there, best man.

Best man?

If he wanted a best man,

he should have chosen me.

How many quests

have I been on with Fabious?

- Countless.

- Mmm.

I gave my hand to save his life

on the battlefield.

And yet he chooses Thadeous

as his best man.

That sorry sack of sh*t.

Such a poor excuse for a prince.

He's nothing more than a self-entitled,

rotten child!

Idiot.

- You look beautiful.

- Thank you.

Belladonna...

Oh, my love.

Oh, Fabious, I can't wait

until the cervix is over,

and to lie together as one:

No, the service.

The cervix is a circular wing

of muscles that contracts or expands.

It's up in your vagina.

That's where my penis will go

after the wedding.

Have you not consummated your love?

Not yet.

Belladonna has never been with a man

so we've decided to preserve her purity

till after the wedding.

She's given me this ribbon

from her fair hair.

To hold on to until

we can be together in a sex-way.

Yes.

Enough, enough.

If Thadeous wishes to play forgetful

on his brother's day of days,

then wait we shall not.

I can't get married

without my brother. He's my best man.

His time has passed.

Pick another best man.

No.

- Julie, you be best man.

- Here you are.

Godsdammit.

Oh, Brendan, you trolls have it so easy.

Out here playing recklessly

in your beautiful mud.

Eating your scraps

of horse meats and crumbs.

- Green grass.

- Green grass.

And do tell, how do you get so dirty?

You just take the earth

and rub it upon your face?

Your Highness,

the wedding has... Hello.

The wedding has started.

I do not care.

I'd rather stay with

this fine gentleman.

Hiding here with my true friends.

Yes.

Let the whole entire wedding wonder

and worry where I am.

This is the day

that I've been waiting for

Sand in the kingdom

Our love is born

Flowing from the ocean to the moons

Your heart now I hold

You have a beauty I can't ignore

Bastion of all I do adore

Giving this moment

Our love that's true

Our hearts now are one

Bravo!

Bravo!

Bravo!

Reveal yourself, stranger. Are you lost?

A thousand pardons. I mean not

to intrude on such a joyous occasion.

However, today I just

could not help myself.

Leezar!

You're not welcome here, devil!

If you come in peace, say so,

otherwise prepare to meet your doom.

Oh, brave Fabious.

You murdered my Cyclops. But I have

other perils in store for you.

Ones that are beyond

the bounds of your imagination.

One, in particular,

involving an ancient prophecy destined

to be fulfilled by a powerful warlock,

me:

And, of course, a very beautiful virgin

that looks just like

her.

I was keeping that one

for something very special.

And I dare say it was rude of you

to steal her from me.

Now I'm here to get her back.

And just how do you plan on doing that?

Magic,

motherf***er.

Not a moment more.

- Knights, to arms!

- Take him!

Do you honestly think

your band of worms can stop me?

Arise therefore, my mothers!

Watch out!

Come with me.

Leezar!

I shall not go back

to that dreadful tower!

Look into my eyes!

You will learn to love me!

Do you understand?

Come on.

Impossible.

Farewell, Kingdom of Mourne.

As always, it has been my pleasure.

I thought it was from riding sheep,

but it turns out just

to be an ear infection.

You f***er!

Good times.

No one get up. I'm very tired.

I'm going straight to my bed chambers.

Brother, thank god you're alive.

When you didn't show up

for the wedding, I feared the worst.

Why are you crying?

Leezar has taken my love.

- What?

- Yes.

So, your brother is

about to embark on yet another quest.

This time to rescue Belladonna

and rid the land of

that loathsome wretch

once and for all.

Wow, how noble of him.

Well, it was nice to see you,

as short as the visit was.

I look forward to hearing about it.

Good luck and good bye.

Thadeous, this is Fabious' 28th quest.

How many have you been on?

Courtney,

how many quests have I completed?

Uh...

The answer is none.

It is finally time

for you to become a man.

You must journey with your brother

to rescue his bride.

Father, you can't be serious.

If you want me to go on to a quest,

then let's start with something easy,

like boiling a chicken

or beating off in front of a Pegasus.

Elementary things.

Look around you at the harm

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