Your Highness Page #3

that has befallen this castle!

This quest is your last chance

to prove to me and the kingdom

that you are a man worthy

to bear the family crest,

and to show that at your core,

you are not rotten,

but you are brave,

and honorable, and noble.

All the qualities expected of a prince.

The choice is yours.

Either journey with your brother

and the Knights Elite,

or you can face banishment

from the kingdom.

Sh*t.

You see, Courtney,

I alone understand how

to properly prepare for a quest.

Masculine garments,

proper, good collie to smoke upon.

How is Steven doing?

He looks like he's stoned, sir.

Fabious has Simon,

and now I have Steven,

a far superior creature companion.

Wouldn't you agree?

He will fare very well, indeed,

I'm sure, Your Highness.

I do hope this adventure

is not too stressful or boring.

Either way I intend to get properly

f***ed up if no one disagrees.

Belladonna, wake up. Wake up.

Who is that? Where am I?

'Tis I, Fabious. Your love.

Fabious?

You're still in Leezar's lair.

But fear not, I'm here to rescue you.

Fabious, it's really you.

I knew you'd come to find me.

I can't do this. I can't do it.

It's so mean.

You should've seen

the look on your face. It's me!

You're still a prisoner.

I've seen a beautiful world

beyond this prison,

and I count the hours till I escape.

I wouldn't be so sure of that.

Lookie there.

The twin moons drawing slowly together.

Time moving them closer.

Just as time moves you

and I closer together.

And when

the two moons unite, so shall we.

Perhaps, keeping you

in this tower has left you ignorant.

You're so easily deceived.

For example, I have heard

that your Prince Fabious

has made his bed recklessly

with many maidens.

And I heard that he has fungi

on his genitalia as a result.

Also, he organizes orgies

with wenches and barbarians alike

and he takes sperm on him

and gives it to women freely.

Spilling his seed willy-nilly

as he makes his way through that orgy.

I don't believe you.

He is not the dashing young man

you believe him to be.

So

these are the harsh realities

of the outside world.

Welcome home.

Halt! Steady.

Oh.

Sorry to disturb you two love birds

but we've arrived

at the home of the Wize Wizard.

Who the hell is the Wize Wizard?

He's an ancient seer who helps many

on their quest with added insight.

Great. Well, let me know how it goes.

Leave him in his carriage, Fabious.

You and I will seek counsel

with the Wize Wizard.

No.

Come, Brother. This is the first stop

on your first quest.

We shall go together.

Brother,

you look ravishing in that armor,

but I don't think you'll need it.

The Wize Wizard is a peaceful,

little old man.

I'm wearing it.

You're just being jealous.

Sh*t!

Thadeous!

F***.

Hello? Anyone home?

Looks as if someone is

cultivating glorious herbs in here.

Hey, Wize Wizard,

is that you over there?

Who dares enter my den?

It is I, Prince Fabious

and my brother, Prince Thadeous.

We come to seek counsel.

Come, come. Give me kisses.

Kiss him.

F***, no.

Pretty please.

Kiss it on the mouth.

For the quest.

I do it every time I come.

Hello. Nice to meet you.

Oh, god.

Sit, sit.

Sit.

Fabious has been coming here

since he was a boy.

You did this when you were a child.

Yes!

We had great times, didn't we?

Yes, yes, we did.

You would kiss him?

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, sometimes we

would do other things.

Like what?

When I was younger, we'd take

our shirts off and jump on the bed.

Playful secrets.

Don't tell father.

Hmm.

Breathe deeply of these herbs

and share a vision with me.

Of course.

Yes. Allow me to puff as well.

Hmm.

Those are some powerful herbs.

Giving me dark visions.

Shall we pack this again?

I'm not getting visions.

I'm not sure if it's working, Wizard.

Visions. Visions.

Thadeous,

are you seeing what I'm seeing?

You making a fool yourself.

Handle your sh*t, Fabious, please.

No, I can't.

Please, interpret these visions, Wizard.

Prophecies foretell of an evil wizard

laying his seed inside a virgin

under the eclipse of the two moons.

What? What evil prophecy is this?

The child she would spawn

is said to be a dragon most powerful.

Ew. Leezar wants to make love

to Belladonna to create a dragon?

That's f***ing disgusting.

I cannot let this happen.

When is this eclipse?

In five nights' time,

but you will need an enchanted blade

to do this warlock in.

A blade made of unicorn horn.

Say where I can find such a sword

and it shall be mine.

It rests in the depths

of the most perilous hidden labyrinth.

Just beyond Muldiss Darton.

Muldiss Darton.

Well, what is Muldiss Darton?

It's a place of legend.

Oh. Powerful magic.

This crooked compass

will catch the light

and point the way to

the labyrinth's location.

Be warned,

they say the walls of this maze

drive men to madness.

But if you can find your way,

the blade will be yours.

Thank you, Wize Wizard.

Not so fast. First you

must answer a riddle.

What journey be long and twisted

and sensitive at hand?

To what end must man go

to discover the depths of his ecstasy?

Think hard, strong warriors.

F***, I know this.

Oh.

I've got it!

You want us to twist what is long

with our sensitive hands.

He wants us to jerk him off.

Just punch the tip and twist it.

Yes, but we are not going to do that.

If it's for the quest,

we will do what needs to be done.

I'll work the tip, you tickle his balls.

Yuck!

Pervert.

Did you get any information?

Let's just make camp.

Sick. This quest sucks.

It used to be you that joined him.

Yes.

Don't worry. All will be well.

Ha!

Attentions please, warriors.

I propose a toast.

Let us drink till thine asses are drunk.

Brother, we do not celebrate

until we complete the quest at hand.

It is the code of the Knights Elite.

What of my code where we drink like men?

Thadeous, we have some traditions

of our own out here on the road.

Manious, prepare the warrior's tidings,

if you will.

If it is the first night

of your first quest, well...

Here it comes.

Disgusting.

Feast upon the heart of the beast.

No, thank you, I'm not hungry.

It is a tradition among men:

- Eat it.

- Eat it.

- Eat it.

- Eat it.

Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!

You f***ers! That's not funny!

You're not supposed to eat it.

You all were chanting.

Maybe there's some donkey cock

in your carriage!

F*** you, Boremont! Manious, f*** you!

I hate all of you.

Thadeous!

Come back.

Thadeous, come here.

Ah.

Dark master,

it is I, Julie.

We have crossed the hazel meadow,

and are now taking rest

at the Cliffs of Kuneman.

Now that the Princes of Mourne

have left their stronghold

their vulnerabilities are in your hands.

My hands.

Bring Prince Fabious to me alive.

I would like him to witness

as I impregnate his love.

Impregnate.

As for Thadeous and his boy,

toss them from the Cliffs of Kuneman.

They're useless.

Fart.

Knock, knock. May I come in?

No, leave me alone. Get out of here.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes