Your Highness Page #4

Thadeous, you must calm down. It's over.

You ate the heart,

you passed the initiation.

Passed?

You made me look stupid in front

of all your friends.

And don't think I'm not telling father

because I'm going to.

Thadeous, we were just having some fun,

and it was perfect.

Now they know you're

not to be f***ed with.

Excuse me, sir, sorry for the intrusion.

I have just witnessed

a most disturbing incident.

There must be a misunderstanding.

Julie is my most trusted confidant.

Julie is an idiot.

No, he's not. He's a gentleman.

Julie is what, Your Highness?

I'm not sure, Julie.

Courtney said he saw

some suspicious behavior.

You, I saw you talking with Leezar.

How dare you watch me

in my private moments.

He's stolen my vision.

Get him, Courtney!

Come here!

You old beast.

Courtney, just restrain him

with all your might.

No, slay him!

Murder him!

Die of me.

What?

Don't move, you're surrounded.

Ew!

Julie has no dick!

Ew.

Boremont!

Boremont!

Help!

Knights!

A turncoat has been discovered!

Prince Fabious, what is wrong?

Boremont, seize Julie,

I'm afraid he's betrayed us!

That thing is a dickless traitor!

- A traitor, you say.

- Yes.

I saw him seeking counsel with Leezar.

Counsel? With Leezar?

Well, if what they say is true,

then, Julie,

I have but one question for you.

What were our master's orders?

What?

His orders were simple.

Capture Fabious and kill the rest.

Boremont, how could you?

What about the code

of the Knights Elite?

Code?

Upon your choice

of best man for your wedding,

your "code" became clear to me.

You hurt my feelings.

Now I shall hurt yours.

Kill them all!

Look out!

To the carriage!

Your friends tried to slay us.

Those bastards! Get in!

After them!

Okay, go!

We've got company!

Ready yourselves!

These men are fierce!

Oh, gods!

Under the cart you go!

F***ing sword! Stab him!

Stab him!

You cut his hair off!

Oh!

Fabious, he's coming!

I know, get up here!

Come on!

Now what?

I have a plan.

We jump on the horses and ride away.

But the horses, they're moving.

I know. I know.

Oh, sh*t!

Come on!

What? Want me, as well?

Now!

Face me, you traitor.

Look!

Oh, sh*t!

We did it!

Ka-boom!

Yes!

If I could have everyone's attention.

I'd like to say a few words, if I may.

I have prepared this feast

in honor and appreciation of Belladonna.

Seems like it was only yesterday

that we used sorcery

to burn your village to the ground,

come in and snatch you.

But I remember looking at you

all those years ago and thinking,

"Wow, that's a baby."

"And that's the baby that someday

I will have to have sex with."

Now, look at me.

A 19-year-old boy, almost a man,

still a virgin.

To the fuckening!

Yes, to the fuckening!

Leezar, what is this rubbish

you have set before us?

It's such a funny choice for a feast.

I'm just a little overwhelmed right now.

Dealing with her and you

and the f***ing prophecy.

I mean, we could all just relax...

Master.

What do you want, Julie?

Regrettably, the Princes of Mourne

have escaped.

You should've killed them

at the wedding when you had the chance.

Fabious is of no purpose to us.

Silence!

His purpose is to destroy you

and your evil ways.

Would you shut up,

or I will love you less.

Are those fish fingers you're eating?

No more questions! Now find them!

Sh*t! Fabious, the horses!

They're escaping.

Yes, it's a distraction

to lead them off our trail.

And what are we to do now?

Walk all the way home?

Home? We're not going home.

Just because the knights betrayed us

does not mean we give up

on the quest.

Together we can still accomplish

what needs to be done.

How? We're lost, I'm hungry.

This stump, it's putting

my a**hole to sleep.

Thadeous, your feet are bare.

Put your boots on.

They're filthy,

I'm having them exfoliated.

No time for exfoliation.

The compass points north.

We shall follow it still.

I will not give up till Belladonna

is safe in mine arms.

Oh, god.

Simon! Where have you been?

Sh*t.

What?

I left goddamn Steven back at camp.

Who's Steven?

He's my loyal animal companion.

And he means just as much to me

as Simon means to you.

But I guess I'll never see him again.

Very well. I understand that bond.

Let us return to camp,

face the traitors and rescue Steven.

No, f*** it. It's over.

But, perhaps, since my animal companion

is no longer here,

it's only fair that we get rid

of yours as well.

No, that would serve

no purpose, Brother.

That would be like

me asking you to get rid of Courtney

just because Julie is no longer with us.

I will drown Courtney

in the shallow f***ing pond right now

if that means fair is fair.

I don't like that idea, sir.

No, Simon can help us.

Simon,

you must take this message to father.

Tell him that

the Knights Elite betrayed us

and he must send an army

across the valley to Muldiss Darton

and help us retrieve

the Blade of Unicorn.

Hurry, Simon!

Fly to Mourne

and deliver these desperate words.

Fly!

Fly!

Come on, Manious,

you've been sniffing dirt all morning.

We would not be in this position, Julie,

if you wouldn't have gotten caught

communicating with Leezar.

And if you ladies were proper assassins,

you'd have cut them down back there

as the Dark Lord commanded.

Manious, what do you see?

They stepped towards the sun here.

This blade of grass,

one of them pissed on it.

And then they moved, very quickly,

mind, towards...

There!

That's Marteetee's land.

What?

Our mission may be completed sooner

than I expected.

If I may be so bold, Your Highness,

what is the meaning

of that ribbon that you hold?

This?

It's a gift from Belladonna.

A symbol of her virgin purity.

I hold it and savor it.

You do that instead

of have sex with her?

Belladonna is unlike any maiden

in the kingdom.

She behaves without judgment,

defies expectation.

When I first heard her voice

a tear came to my eye,

and that tear turned to ice,

and I kept that frozen tear

far from my heart

that burns with passion.

If she had a wound,

I would kiss it.

If she had a splinter,

I would pull it

from her flesh with mine lips.

Just say we are too late

and Leezar has had his way with her,

would you still be able to be with her?

I don't want to think about that.

But just say that we were moments late,

and he was able to get her cookies.

Shut up.

Yes, I know, but what if he butt-f***ed

her? Would you still like her?

Do I have to write you a poem?

There's never been

a love so true as ours.

That's pure love.

Yes, it is.

No, that's pure love.

There's a naked woman

standing behind you.

Who is that?

Is she looking at us?

Who is it? Is it him?

Are you looking to him?

Is it Courtney? Is it to me?

It's Courtney. I think it's to me.

I believe she is

taking her trousers off.

Right, I will return momentarily.

No.

Thadeous, it might be a trap.

The only thing those tits will trap

is my warm spray.

Have fun rubbing your ribbon.

Disgusting.

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