Your Highness Page #5

Come back here, you.

I'm beginning to think he doesn't care

about this quest.

What could possibly

make you think that, sir?

Oh, sh*t!

Oh, sh*t! It's a trap. A booby trap.

Oh, god!

It was a trap.

White people, I knew it!

White people?

- Are they nice or are they mean?

- They're mean!

They're the meanest!

What do we do?

I don't know.

It is against code to strike a woman.

I'm sick of your silly codes.

Punch these ladies in the face!

Sire, where are they taking us?

I don't know. Stay close!

Marteetee.

Mart-who?

Silence!

Good day, my little bees

and welcome to my most special

of events.

We have a wonderful treat

as you get to witness a sea

of babbling men

behold their fates.

Enter, Dastardly!

Bloodthirsty creatures.

Oh!

Brother, if I die, you must promise me

to continue our quest.

Ooh!

- Him.

- No!

Kill him first!

Stay away!

Take the knife.

Why?

Watch this.

- Oh!

- Yes!

No!

Face! Yes!

Huh?

We've bested your finest warrior.

Now grant us our freedom!

Yeah!

Bring Marteetee his cauldron!

What is the cauldron?

Are my bees ready

for the grand finale?

Yes, my pet!

Come forth

and show thy bulbous!

Oh, sh*t!

Oh, gods!

Over here!

Hey, over here!

Over here!

Bring your fight to me!

Sh*t!

Thadeous!

Sh*t!

Sir!

I've been bitten! I can't move my leg.

You've got to suck out the venom.

I don't want to suck it! You suck it!

I can't suck my own venom!

Yes, you can. I'll help you!

Suck it! Suck your venom.

I can't reach it with my mouth!

Courtney, suck the venom!

- I've never sucked...

- Suck it!

And who have we here?

A sprightly little warrior you are.

Suck it! Right there! Suck it!

I will make nice when I enter you!

It's coming! It's coming!

Courtney spit the load!

Don't swallow the venom! Spit it!

Come on! Come on!

- Kill it!

- F*** it up!

Yes!

What?

Who is he that dares destroy

my beautiful baby?

It's a woman.

I can see.

Marteetee,

when I was a child

you enslaved my father

and slaughtered him in this very arena.

Today I avenge him.

First by killing the beast,

second, by killing you.

Well, well, my tiny bee...

Oh, sh*t.

Let's go! We're going!

- Brother, are you all right?

- I'm fine!

Come on, let's go!

This way!

Excuse me, my lady.

May I but speak with you a moment?

I'd like to introduce myself.

I am Prince Fabious of Mourne

and this is my brother, Thadeous,

and his squire, young Courtney.

Hello.

We'd like to thank you

for your help with that dread beast.

I have no time for

your maiden pleasantries.

My quest continues to the north.

As does ours.

I thought maybe for the sake

of both our quests,

that we could travel together.

At least, until we reach civilization.

Yes, civilization.

We are good men,

we're questing to save my...

Excuse my brother.

He's not familiar

with the customs of the road.

Do not touch me.

Why are you making me look bad?

A warrior on the road

never divulges the nature of his quest.

One never knows if his aim may conflict

with another's.

Yes, I was just being nice.

As we are on the same path,

I suppose you boys

may follow me to Muldiss Darton.

From there I seek navigation

and march alone.

We thank you. And may we have your name?

I'm Isabel.

The last living member

of the Harshbarger order.

Well, Isabel,

my brother and myself will ensure

that you run into no danger

while you travel with us.

With our huge muscles,

we shall protect you.

Who? Protect what?

To be fair, everyone will protect

each other equally, I'm certain.

But we will protect her more

because we are men.

- Boo!

- Gods!

What are you doing, Brother?

What right do you have,

scaring a man like that?

Oh. What right have you to spy

on a bathing woman from the shrubs?

I'm simply keeping an eye on her.

She is not like one

of our dimwitted chamber maids

that let me take them from behind.

This woman has me vexed.

What exactly would it take for one

to tame such an adventurous slut?

I imagine she'd

want her man to be honorable,

bold, brave,

know his way around a blade.

Oh, god, she's looking at us.

Remain perfectly still.

Mmm. We're almost out of wood.

Courtney, perhaps you and I should go

and collect some firewood.

Yeah.

If you two wouldn't mind

tending these embers.

No, of course not.

Tend away.

Care for another bite of some meat?

You're not much for talking, are you?

A true warrior must keep her focus

on the road.

One never knows when

death might be dealt.

Mmm. Yes, of course.

I've been involved in many

death dealings in focus-al moments.

Yes, by your childish shrieks

in the face of Marteetee's beast,

one could see as much.

What exactly is your problem with me?

Do you have a sword stuck

so far up your butt-hole

that you cannot even enjoy yourself

for one moment?

My quest affords me no such luxury.

Not even on a tender night like this?

The moons glimmering,

the cold air licking your tits.

On a night just like this

I returned home from a hunt

to find a bloodbath.

Nothing remained of

my six beloved brothers

save for their severed heads on stakes.

Their eyes had been plucked,

their teeth taken as tokens.

I wear this bracelet,

forged of the steel of their shields,

as a constant reminder

of my vow to avenge them.

My only advice would just

be to keep your head up,

hang in there,

live every day to the fullest,

have sex as much as you can

by campfire when you're all alone

and your brother is out gathering wood.

Just simple things like that.

Do you think he'll make love

with her tonight?

Not a chance.

Either way, I've spent a lifetime

often envious of him.

Envious of Thadeous?

All the times that

he could sit back and have a laugh

and really enjoy the moment.

And I was up on stage

wearing make-up to cover my acne.

My hair perfectly coiffed, even for war.

I think you misunderstand the situation.

He constantly gazes at you

with such eager eyes.

Sometimes he borrows your armor

and he prances around the courtyard,

flailing your sword,

going, "I am Fabious!

"Look at me slay dragon."

He does it out of love.

He loves you, sir.

He adores you.

I know tragedy as well.

My mother is dead.

I have someone dead in my family, too.

Also, recently

my brother's bride-to-be was stolen

by a devious wizard.

Wizard?

Mmm-hmm.

Huh.

If you could keep a secret,

it was Leezar.

Leezar?

Mmm-hmm.

Ah.

I understand he's a very dangerous man.

Duh. That's why Fabious turned to me.

The most bold and brave

and honorable man that he knows.

Mmm.

We aim to kill the magical cocksucker.

Do you see this compass?

What a fascinating device.

It will lead us

to a labyrinth which holds a blade.

The only weapon

strong enough to defeat the wizard.

Well, perhaps I misjudged you.

It's not your fault.

I know I may seem like

I have a rugged exterior,

but underneath it all, I have

a golden heart that beats and beats.

So beautiful.

That poor creature.

That's right.

Look at yourself.

Why would anyone ever want

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