Your Highness Page #6

to be with you?

Hmm. I'm not sure, really.

Oh, yeah. Perhaps, because I'm rich,

I live in a castle and I can do magic.

Okay, then why did you need to

kidnap me if you're so desirable?

Because I'm the prophecy born, maybe.

Or I'm going to have a dragon soon

which I'll be able to control,

and it's going to

give me ultimate power.

How? Because you can

make a dragon do things?

Yes. I could make it devour people

or breathe fire over

the Kingdom of Mourne.

Mmm. Sounds flimsy.

First of all, you obviously don't know

jack sh*t about the prophecy.

How do you know that it won't be me

who controls the dragon?

Because I am the chosen one.

Chosen one controls the dragon.

Those are the rules, basically.

What are you laughing at?

I was just thinking about your penis

and how unusual it must look.

It doesn't look unusual.

How do you know it's going to work?

- Because I've tested it.

- Really?

And if your vagina is

anything like my hand

there will be no problem.

Fair warriors, arise.

Two days before the eclipse.

Thadeous, hand me the compass

so I can check its shadow.

What?

The compass.

Oh.

That's weird.

It was around my neck when I slept.

Where is it, Thadeous?

I don't know. I just woke up.

Isabel seems to have gone.

Isabel!

Isabel!

Isabel!

Sh*t.

Thadeous,

you didn't by chance tell her

anything about the nature

of our quest, did you?

I may have dropped

a few minor details.

Did you tell Isabel

anything about the one-of-a-kind

mythical compass?

Mmm.

Gods!

She's run off with the compass.

- We don't know that for sure.

- Oh, yeah?

Where is it? Where is she?

All right, well, it wasn't my fault.

I was falling madly in love with her.

I was bedazzled by her sweet bosom.

I was helpless.

You fool!

Without the compass,

how do we find the Blade of Unicorn?

And without that sword,

how do we defeat Leezar?

Maybe we can find some other way,

with nets or something.

Nets?

Oh, that's a great plan.

And meanwhile, Belladonna's going to

get raped and die!

We don't know for sure if she'll die.

Is this a joke to you?

Look, I'm sorry,

but I shouldn't even be here.

We've almost been killed multiple times.

I will probably die on this quest.

Courtney definitely will.

F*** Courtney, and f*** you!

Maybe they're right,

everything they say about you.

They only say that stuff because of you,

because you go out

and have to pretend to be the best.

And they look at me

like I'm some sort of idiot.

Everyone in the kingdom

wants to suck your dick.

No one wants to suck mine!

Oh, Thadeous,

you have the potential

to be such a noble warrior,

but instead you just let yourself go,

and everyone around you.

You have no idea

what it's like to be me.

Being your brother is a curse.

I'd rather be brothers

with anyone else but you.

You say nothing else

for fear of what I might do.

Nothing!

Now get dressed and comb your hair.

I'm going to Muldiss Darton.

Sex.

Come on, Courtney.

Come on.

For better or worse, we're here.

Muldiss Darton.

You and Courtney entertain yourselves.

I'm going off to find the sword alone.

Alone?

I can't afford to waste any more time.

Well, what are we to do?

Do whatever it is you do, Thadeous.

Well, obviously he's still upset.

Oh, gods, Courtney.

How my heart laments.

Having been betrayed

by the sways of a beautiful woman.

And Fabious,

throwing his goddamn tantrums

with no regard for

anyone else's feelings.

He really needs to consider...

Sir, look over there.

It's that thieving Isabel.

My gods! The balls of this woman!

Do you think any

of those men are her boyfriends?

Possibly.

Who would ever want to be her boyfriend?

What do we do?

I'll tell you what we do.

We go over there,

we get the compass back,

we give it to Fabious,

we make him feel horrible

for the way in which he treated me,

and then you and I head for home.

You believe it to be

as easy as that, sir?

Courtney, she is a woman,

and we are a man.

How hard could this be?

It's my birthday today, you know.

F*** that.

Boremont!

You dare to betray me twice?

No, it's the same betrayal as before.

It all just counts as one.

I suggest you surrender

before my father's army gets here.

After Simon's message,

they should be arriving nigh on now.

Ah, yes.

About your tin pet.

Simon.

Best of luck with your quest.

And you with yours.

Not so fast, trickster.

Hello, Thadeous.

The time for pleasantries is through.

Do you feel that tiny prick

in your back?

Is that your cock?

No, 'tis a knife,

but I'll gladly penetrate you with it.

Now look over your shoulder.

Other shoulder.

- Frightening.

- Mmm-hmm.

We have you surrounded.

An animal in a cage.

Now sit.

So, who were those handsome men

you were talking to?

My contacts.

Mmm. By contacts do you mean

men you trick into liking you so

you can f*** them over?

What are you talking about?

You know what I'm talking about.

The compass. Hand it over now.

You lied. It does nothing.

Maybe if you would've

gone to the Wize Wizard like we did,

he could have explained to you that

it only works in sunlight.

Really?

Sh*t, I shouldn't have told you that.

Isn't the Wize Wizard a pervert?

Yes.

Sadly, I think he molested my brother.

That's unfortunate.

Enough of your sympathy.

The compass. Give it.

I need it to destroy Leezar.

Your quest is to kill Leezar?

Yes. My family is the order

of the Golden Knights.

We're sworn to obstruct the prophecy

of the dragon eclipse.

That's what the Golden Knights do?

It is my legacy to stop anyone

who wants to f*** to make dragons.

Yuck. Well, that's the same thing

we're trying to do.

Why would you hinder us

and steal the compass?

His mothers sent my brothers

to their death.

I must stop Leezar and I can't afford

to let anyone get in my way.

Least of all, a slob and his boy.

Guess what? I despise you.

You're a bully and a whore.

Now give me the compass now.

And if I don't?

Well,

then things will get very nasty.

Oh, really?

Oh, really.

Sh*t!

Oh, sh*t!

Oh! God! Courtney, f***ing do something.

Your Highness!

Excuse me.

What the f***?

Take that sh*t outside!

Oh, sorry.

Hello.

Thank you for the hospitality,

gentlemen.

That didn't really go as planned.

She's gone and now so is the compass.

She is, indeed, gone, sir.

The compass, however, is right here.

Courtney, my good man.

How did you do it?

Before your father bought me,

I was a sex slave for a band of gypsies

in the north

and they taught me a thing or two

about sleight-of-hand.

Oh, you.

Now you see me, now you don't.

Delicious.

I can't wait to see the look

on Fabious' silly face

when he sees this.

Clear!

Fabious.

What do we do?

I'll tell you what we do.

We will steal a steed

and we will ride to the next town.

We become ghosts,

start a brand new life,

one where you still serve me.

And we're stable boys,

and we bed the fickle wives of farmers.

What about Fabious?

Oh, Fabious.

We'll remember him fondly.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes