Yours, Mine and Ours Page #6

out of the room.

Be sure and tell the doctor

that he's allergic to penicillin...

...all of the sulphas

and some of the mycins.

- Also tell him that last year he had...

- Helen.

We'll go away some other time.

Oh, Frank, thank you.

I thought I saw the house cringe

as we drove up.

It had been a dignified old Victorian

home when Frank and I found it.

The only one large enough

that we could afford.

The plumbing wasn't the most modern,

the roof had to be repaired.

But we had both fallen in love with it

when we learned it had four bathrooms.

So in we marched:

The bride, the groom...

...one bottle of champagne...

And 16 children.

Come on, darling, finish your tea.

Mother's tired and wants to go to bed.

Now, is there anything else

you want?

Yeah, I wanna go home.

We are home, dear.

This is where we live now.

Then why can't I be Phillip anymore?

Well, who says you can't be?

That man.

- Frank?

- Yes.

And he says my name

is 12-Blue- D.

And if I forget I'm 12-Blue- D,

I can't get into the bathroom.

Well, now, that's nothing

to be upset about, darling.

That's just a system

that he learned in the Navy.

Now, you stop worrying.

I'm going to find out what's keeping

that doctor. You stay in bed.

There you are, Janette.

You are 8-Red- B.

And, Mary, you are 14-Red- C.

- Veronica.

- What am I, again?

You're 14-Red- C.

Everybody's got a number

from the oldest to the youngest.

All the bathrooms are a colour,

all the bedrooms are a letter.

And that makes you number 14,

bathroom Red and room C.

And this chart shows you

where it all is.

Could you just point?

It's right around the corner,

down the hall, love.

Thank you.

And, Veronica, you are 13-Red- A.

- Thank you.

- You are welcome.

Well, skipper, how goes the battle?

They're fighting it,

but you can't beat the system.

- I'm sorry if I upset your wedding night.

- I thought it was yours too.

I didn't wanna sound anxious.

Susan, you are 9-Red- A.

If I can find it.

Champagne iced?

Yes, it's in our bedroom,

in a shiny new bucket.

- Louise, you are 7-Red- C.

- All right.

If we stay on schedule, my system

will have these kids bedded down...

...in a half-hour,

and it's our turn next.

Greg, you are 6-Blue- B.

Aye, aye, sir.

I'll send up a flare if I get lost.

- How's Phillip?

- That's what I'd like to know.

- What's keeping that doctor?

- Probably the rain.

Tommy, you are 10-Blue- D.

Why can't I have my own room

to myself, like Mike?

You're not the oldest. Next.

You mean because

I'm not in your family.

- Tommy!

- Now, look, you're all in my family.

You have a beautiful room, D. It's

around the corner, down the main hall.

Honey, wait. That's where Phillip is.

- Phillip?

- Yes.

Yes, number 12. You're right.

I know he has the flu.

No one should sleep in there.

That's the beauty of this system.

It can be changed in an instant.

All right, now hear this.

Now hear this.

All C's and D's report

to the quarterdeck.

There's been a slight rearrangement.

It may affect B.

Everybody back!

All right, lights are out

for a minute. Don't worry...

...we have some emergency

candles right in here.

- Helen.

- Yes, dear.

Frank, do you think there's a power

failure all over or just in the house?

Greg, take these downstairs.

Get some light downstairs.

Where's 6-Blue- B?

I found my room, but there's rain

coming through the roof.

That's not possible.

They just finished re- shingling.

Well, they'll finish on Monday.

- I'll go get some pots and pans.

- How old is this house?

Never mind. It's gonna be beautiful.

- Take care of the little ones.

- Sister's locked in the bathroom.

- What sister?

- I don't know her name yet.

But she can't get out

and we can't get in. And it's my turn.

Oh, my God, I'm too late.

No, doctor, we're not praying.

The lights went out.

Come on in. I'll give you a candle.

What happened to the key?

It fell out and the lights went out

and I can't find it.

- Well, light your candle.

- I came in here before the candles.

Well, look, I'm gonna pass

you a match through the keyhole.

You light it, find the key

and unlock the door, okay?

Okay.

Here comes the match. You see it?

- Got it?

- I got it.

- Well, light it.

- I can't.

Why not?

Mommy won't let me play

with matches.

- Helen!

- Yes, dear, I'm coming.

Tell her it's all right to light a match,

find the key, open the door.

- Who's in there?

- One of yours.

The one that's not allowed

to light matches.

Oh, Jean. Jean, darling, it's all right

to light a match this time, sweetheart.

All right, show's over.

Everybody back to your room.

Go back to your room.

You go back. You go back.

- I'm the doctor.

- Hold your candle higher, will you?

Jean? Jean, darling.

I did it, I did it.

- You certainly did.

- Here's your flashlight.

Now, go to your room, dear.

I'm 11-Red- A. I'm 11-Red- A.

I'm 11-Red- A.

Concussion?

Oh, no, no. It's not her, it's my...

Our boy Phillip.

I don't know whether

I'm 14-Red- X or what.

How do you get

any food around here?

What's the name

of this organisation?

No, I'm sorry it's a little confusing,

but, you see...

...we were just married today.

Congratulations. The next

- It's our room!

- Get out!

Oh, no. You'll have to excuse me.

You go right down there.

You can say that again.

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

It's our room!

What are you two boys

doing in here?

- It's our room.

- Yeah, room B.

Janette, Colleen,

I'm surprised at you.

- Get out of the boys' room this instant.

- But it's our room.

It's on that board!

We're on the board too, you know!

Get out of our room!

Hey, knock it off!

What's going on in here?

What is this?

Your blues and greens are wonderful,

but your he's and she's are mixed up.

Thank goodness. Let there be light.

All right, boys,

pack your gear together.

We'll straighten this out.

Get your stuff together.

- Girls, come on, get to bed.

- I can't find my pyjamas.

- Well, sleep without them one night.

- I'd rather die.

You don't care what happens

to our family, do you?

- Colleen.

- Mommy! Mommy!

There's a man trying to take

everybody's temperature.

- Oh, good heavens.

- All right, come on, let's get organised.

Oh, you found him, doctor.

No, that's not him. This one

doesn't have a temperature either.

But that's Phillip.

He's the one that's sick.

Pulse, normal. Blood pressure,

normal. Temperature, 98.6.

In medical school,

they told us that means healthy.

Phillip.

I feel better now. He's a good doctor.

Good news, Mr. Beardsley.

Your son's not sick at all.

Oh, great. But keep it quiet.

I'll never get the C's and D's

back into B.

Sorry.

Would you do me a favour

and call my wife...

...and tell her I'm on the way home?

- Tell her thank you.

- For what?

We don't have any children.

- Is this the Beardsleys' new house?

- We've come to deliver the babies.

Have a heart.

Leave them

on somebody else's doorstep.

Here we go.

Dad! Dad! Come quick!

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