Yours, Mine and Ours Page #5

Of course. If you hadn't,

you might have been hit by a truck.

Everything's gonna be all right.

You're sitting on my painting!

Oh, I'm sorry, dear.

It's all right.

- You wanna fill that with orange juice?

- Who's it for?

- Aunt Helen.

- Mike, these are finished.

Susan's gonna help you.

Susie, take these in there, will you?

Thank you.

Okay, I'm gonna put these

on the table.

Hey, Rusty.

- You wanna be a cocktail waitress?

- All right. Which is which?

Aunt Helen, Uncle Daddy.

- What's this?

- An alligator.

- A flying alligator?

- See the two little babies?

Two little babies.

And these are from Mars, I suppose.

They're very good.

Oh, thank you. Rusty?

Hold it, Susan.

How about a toast

to our guest, everybody.

Through the teeth and over the gums.

Look out, stomach, here it comes.

Hold the Dylan Thomas

till later, Greg.

To our charming dinner guest...

...welcome aboard.

- Thank you. Thank you.

It's delicious.

That's just wonderful.

And where was Veronica born?

- In Japan.

- In Japan.

I call her my little fortune cookie

because she came right after dinner.

That's funny.

Where's the fire?

Dinner is served.

Oh, dinner is served.

I want you to know Rosemary

and Louise cooked this dinner.

Oh, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.

That's absolutely wonderful, Rosemary.

- I'm Susan.

- Oh, of course you are.

- And don't you ever change, honey.

- Let's go, Susan.

You have a wonderful family.

They're all just wonderful.

Absolutely wonderful.

Wonderful, wonderful,

beautiful children.

Just so wonderful.

Watch that first step.

That's a dilly.

Greg, will you hold

the chair for our guest?

Sure.

Thank you, Greg.

Thank you, Greg.

- I'm hungry!

- Veronica.

Bless us, O Lord...

Pardon me.

And these, thy gifts,

which we are about to receive...

Pardon me.

From thy bounty through

Christ our Lord.

Amen.

- You all right?

- Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.

I'm hungry. Can I have a potato?

Pass it around.

- I'm hungry!

- I want some bread.

- Hey, come on, I want the bread.

- Can I have some milk?

Here, want some milk?

I can do it myself.

Sure, you can do it yourself.

Certainly you can.

Sure you can.

Boy, is it warm in here!

Don't you think it's warm in here?

- Want some potatoes?

- Yes.

There we go.

- You want some potatoes?

- Okay.

- Okay, there you are.

- Hey! You got it on my dress!

I'm...

Oh, good heavens!

Oh, I'm so...

I'm sorry, honey.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I...

Rosemary,

help Veronica get cleaned up.

- I didn't mean it.

- I'll clean her up.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know

what's wrong with me.

What a terrible thing to do.

I'm...

I'm sorry.

Dick, I feel sick again.

- It's Frank.

- Oh, Lord, what have I done?

- You haven't done anything.

- Yes, I have.

I've fallen in love,

that's what I've done.

I promised myself

I'd never fall in love again.

And I wanted to make such

a good impression on you...

...and your children, and now

I've been acting like an idiot.

And I don't know why.

I don't know why.

I just feel...

Oh, if this damn room would stop

rolling around, maybe I could find...

...someplace to be sick.

- Louise...

...you better show Mrs. North

the bathroom and help her.

- This way.

- I don't know why.

I don't know why.

The court of inquiry

is now in session.

You didn't have

to wait dinner for me.

We've decided to use

our company manners.

Helen, the boys have

something to tell you.

Mrs. North, I apologise for putting

all that gin in your drink.

Oh, that's what did it.

And I apologise for all that vodka.

And I apologise for the Scotch.

Scotch, vodka and...

Helen, you've been the victim

of an alcoholic Pearl Harbor.

It's amazing you survived at all.

Your bartenders will be

dealt with later.

Oh, please.

Please, Frank, don't blame them.

At least what they did was honest.

They don't want another mother,

and I don't blame them.

And you, Frank...

Frank, I think you should

be on your ship at sea.

That's where you belong.

And if the children don't

want me, I understand.

Now, hear this.

My interest in you has nothing to do

with securing a mother for my children.

They don't deserve anyone

as good as you.

Furthermore, I have no desire

to go back to sea.

In fact, if you'll have me, Helen...

...I'll be happy to remain

ashore forever...

...because I happen to love you.

And nobody put anything in my drink.

- Frank, do you mean that?

- Of course I mean it.

That's why I said it in front

of so many witnesses...

...untrustworthy though they may be.

Oh, Frank.

I give it six months.

It was a typical wedding.

Enemies of the bride on the right,

enemies of the groom on the left.

I've seen firing squads

with more compassion.

When I saw all the children lined up...

...I wondered if Frank and I really

had the right to do this to them.

All you had to do was look at those

faces to guess what they were thinking.

All those photographers outside...

...they're gonna plaster our pictures

all over the newspapers and TV.

We won't be a family,

we're going to be a freak show.

When the kids at school find out

about this, I'm gonna kill myself.

I wonder why they're

getting married.

Can there possibly be a physical thing

between them too?

At their age?

She has mean eyes.

How can I do it to them?

How can I do it to Frank?

All I have to do is be very calm,

turn around and run.

On your mark, get set...

Helen.

Damn the torpedoes.

Full speed ahead.

- Here.

- What do you do with this?

Throw it, stupid.

Hey!

Cut it out!

The snow came

a little early this year.

He started it!

That's no way to act at a wedding.

That's not nice!

Don't worry.

We'll take care of the children.

- Sure. Even if it kills us.

- It's only for the weekend.

We'll be back Monday.

Goodbye, Janette.

- Goodbye, Mommy.

- Be a good girl.

- Goodbye, Tommy.

- See you.

Goodbye, Greg.

Goodbye, Mike.

Goodbye, Jean.

Goodbye, Veronica.

Goodbye, Mary.

Goodbye, Louise.

Bye, Jean.

You already kissed me.

Oh, I'm sorry.

By the time they finish saying goodbye,

the honeymoon will be over.

Goodbye, Colleen.

Take care of the little ones.

Goodbye, Phillip. What's that?

Nothing.

Maybe pneumonia.

Oh, good heavens. Frank. Frank?

Frank, tell me if you

think he has a fever.

I do it back here.

- He might.

- Oh, dear.

- Do I have to go to school?

- Frank, I can't leave if Phillip's sick.

Never in our entire married life will all

of our kids be healthy at the same time.

But last year he had asthma.

His lungs haven't been too...

- What's the matter?

- Something's wrong with Phillip.

Get him to bed. Call the doctor.

We'll phone you...

...soon as we check

into our hospital. I mean, our hotel.

If it's the flu, call me right away. If it's

anything more serious, I'll call you.

No, I couldn't do that. I wouldn't know.

Well, I better call you every hour.

Make him stay in bed,

and until you're sure what he has...

...keep the other children

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote