Yours, Mine and Ours Page #4

I've got a few less-crowded ladies

who'll knock your hat off.

Let's drop the subject. I've had it.

You haven't,

and that's what worries me.

- You've been in dry dock too long.

- Ask him to move the ball around.

Come in low, check the red cell

and come on in.

Check the red cell and bring it on in.

It's no use. What girl is gonna want

to spend an evening...

...with a man who has 10 children?

- A girl who doesn't know it.

- Want me to lie?

- Of course not.

- Don't bring the subject up until after.

- Here he comes.

Now, I know a quiet little

Japanese restaurant.

I'll make the reservations.

Madeleine Love.

Now, there is a girl

who is definitely not a talker.

What sort of a girl is she?

Does that answer your question?

No, Darrell, and stop trying

to arrange my life.

Helen, I'm surprised

you haven't met him.

Make a fist.

I haven't done anything yet.

I was practising.

He's a wonderful doctor...

...the kind who scrubs for a date.

Tremendous reputation.

Nine handicap.

Now.

No more dates.

Don't think of him as a date,

think of him as a meal.

Now, I know a quiet little

Japanese restaurant.

I'll make the reservations.

Don't rush me.

What does he look like?

I hate to use the word "Adonis,"

but there's no other way to say it.

A touch of grey at the temples,

very distinguished.

Is he tall?

He used to be a basketball player.

I had to lie, of course.

But anybody who knew Frank and

Helen knew they belonged together.

All I had to do was let them stumble

over each other a few times.

You have to do that

with the marrying kind of people.

So I told her that Dr. Ashford

was about 6'2", 6'3".

A harmless little white lie.

I wondered if the doctor would

be so attentive if I told him...

...I had three children taller

than he was.

Darrell's arrangement for my

evening hadn't uttered a word...

...since I pick ed her up. I had

no idea what was on her mind...

...until we drew up in front

of the restaurant.

There. I hate suspense, don't you?

Now you know and I know.

Let's have a quick dinner.

Keep the motor running.

Darrell said we had a lot in common.

After all, you're a nurse,

I'm a doctor.

What's your specialty?

Obstetrics.

Darrell had a malicious

sense of humour.

I was upset that Frank

had seen me with Dr. Ashford.

I don't know why.

For some stupid reason,

I had the feeling I was being unfaithful.

And Madeleine had

only taken off my shoes.

The doctor's bedside manner

was a little previous.

I was embarrassed to think

that Frank might be watching.

He was.

You're not worshipping me.

Thank you.

Helen, I might as well be honest.

I'm a very lonely man. There are times

that I feel I could kick over the traces.

- I'm not lonely at all.

- Give up this race for money.

- I'm the mother of eight children.

- Travel to all the romantic places.

- I have eight.

- Lf I could find someone to go with me.

- Doctor. Doctor.

- I'd like to find places...

I don't think you've

been paying attention.

I said, I am the mother

of eight children.

I've always admired a woman

with a sense of humour.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch,

it was round-up time.

That's a very handsome family.

- Very handsome.

- Thank you.

Excuse me a moment, please?

Oh, of course.

Dr. Ashford?

Wasn't that your date?

Yes, it was.

He had an emergency.

- Come on, I'll take you home. Hop in.

- Oh, no, I wouldn't dream...

- Madeleine doesn't mind, do you?

- Are you kidding?

- You see?

- Well...

She's my oldest girl. She's going

with this boy who rides a motorcycle.

Has hair practically

down to his shoulders...

...and I think it's bleached.

She never talks to me about him,

never brings him in so I can meet him.

- I hardly know what to do.

- You can't tell her not to see him.

- It's like shooting off the starting gun.

- I know.

You know, she's barely 16, and when

he brings her home at night...

...they stay outside

for about half an hour, kissing.

Heavens to Betsy!

What will they think of next?

My Veronica, she's 7.

She's so boy crazy, I'm afraid she's

gonna get married before she's 9.

She doesn't care about school.

Only thing she can read are pictures.

Yeah, yeah. Well, Tommy's

almost 9. He can hardly read.

But Jean, who's only 7,

reads better than he does.

I have that in spades.

Louise is 12,

she corrects Rusty's spelling.

Well, Tommy can help

Colleen and Janette with their math...

...but he can't read.

- I don't believe this conversation.

Did you put something

in my sugar?

I have a strange feeling

I'm taking a trip.

- How many kids do you have?

- Ten.

Helen, there's no reason for us

to avoid seeing each other.

Well, I think we certainly

could be friends.

The fact I'm a man and you're a woman

doesn't have anything to do with it.

And then the papa bear

said to the mama bear:

"Who's been sleeping in my bed?"

Oh, come on,

drop me off at the exit.

Then you two can work yourselves

up to a wild game of post office.

No, I couldn't do that to you.

Oh, please, daddy, I'd prefer it.

Ten kids?

I'm nervous just sitting next to you.

- Helen.

- Yes?

Why am I pretending? I want to see

you again, and not just to be friends...

...and not just to talk about children.

- I want to see you again too.

- Know something else?

In spite of all the aggravation

and the misery and the yelling...

...I'm glad I have 10 children.

- And I'm glad I have my eight.

And I'm glad I'm careful.

Between our work

and the children...

...we somehow were able

to steal a few hours alone.

When every place we went was better

because we were together...

...and I suddenly realised

the emptiness was gone...

...and the world just might

be worth living in again...

...I knew it was time for the acid test.

I invited Helen to my house

to meet my mafia.

Here she comes!

Here she comes!

What does she look like?

Mean. You can see it in her eyes.

Frank, I'm frightened.

Now, don't worry.

I had a long talk with the children.

They're going to love you.

Who locked the door?

Sorry, Dad.

I'll talk to you later.

Well, group, this is Mrs. North.

- Helen.

- You know Louise.

- Oh, yes. Hello, Louise.

- Hi.

- And Mike.

- Mike.

- And Rusty and Rosemary.

- Hello.

- Susan.

- Hello, Susan.

- Veronica.

- Hello, Veronica.

- And Greg.

- Greg.

You've met the family...

...why don't we have a drink.

- Frank.

- Yeah?

- This is only seven.

Mary. Where's Mary?

She's hiding.

Mary, come on, let's not play games.

Hello, Mary. I'm Aunt Helen.

You are not!

I don't want another mother!

I don't want another mother!

Frank, I think I'm ready

for that drink now.

Mike, you think you can

handle the bar?

What would you like, Aunt Helen?

I'd like a light screwdriver, please.

Very light.

That's orange juice

with a shot of vodka.

- I know, Dad.

- I'm sorry. I'll have Scotch and water.

I know, Dad.

I keep forgetting Mike is 18.

Frank, do you really think it was

a good idea, my coming here?

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