Yours, Mine and Ours Page #9

What's the matter with you?

Nothing with me, but I think

you're out of your mind.

Does it show that much?

No, but guess who the doctor was

at the draft board.

Oh, I ought to report him

to the Medical Association.

No, he's gonna report you.

Bring that over for me, will you?

You knew about it Christmas Day,

didn't you?

- And you still let Dad ship out?

- Yes.

Why?

He wanted so much to go.

Two people can't live with an ocean

between them for the rest of their lives.

- Lf you write him about it, I'll shoot you.

- You would, too.

I'd just as soon he didn't know

about this draft thing either.

Why not? Can't we tell him anything?

No, I'm thinking about the Marines.

That would drive him out of his skull.

Okay.

- Do you really want this baby?

- Very much.

You see, he won't have to worry

whether he's a Beardsley or a North.

The Navy, like a woman,

has a way of changing its mind.

Our short cruise was extended

so often, we lost all track of time...

...until one day when the mail plane

caught up with us.

- Darrell, we're pregnant!

- We're what?

Mike's letter! Helen and I,

we're gonna have a baby.

- Our first.

- Your first? Wait a minute.

You can't even count. No wonder

it happened. When is she due?

When is she due?

The idiot, he doesn't say.

- Oh, no.

- Let me read Helen's letter again.

- Open some of those for me.

- Yeah, okay.

Here's one from Mary.

I can tell by the jam.

- Helen doesn't mention it.

- Phillip gave you a tooth.

Thanks. Colleen's in love.

What, again? Wait a minute.

What are we doing?

You've had enough training.

Can't you figure out the date?

It can't be soon.

Helen would've told me.

Now, maybe she doesn't

tell you everything.

Unless Veronica is an impressionist,

number 19 is about to be launched.

I've gotta get on that mail plane

before it takes off.

Veronica's artistic endeav our

was not quite accurate.

A month later, we were still waiting

for the stork.

Every night we would go to bed

wondering if this were D-day.

Naturally, Helen was the most

nervous of all...

...and it was compounded by

the tension about Mike and the draft.

She kept getting more excitable,

anxious and emotional.

Why can't a woman be more

like a man?

- Frank?

- What?

Don't make so much noise,

you'll wake the children.

I just want a glass of water.

- Why are you making that terrible face?

- I have indigestion.

How often do you have

that indigestion?

- About every 15 minutes.

- That's it!

Stay calm. Everything's organised.

Don't worry, everything's...

I've laid it all on.

Don't rush, now, Frank. I'm all right.

- There's plenty of time, but hurry!

- We'll get you there.

Stay calm.

Red alert! Red alert!

Red alert! Red alert!

Mike! Get the car out of the garage

and warm it up.

- Nicky, get her bag, quickly.

- We've done this before.

Rosemary, Louise, Tommy...

...get blankets and pillows

for the station wagon.

- Phillip, what are you doing?

- Going to the bathroom.

- What, is the stork coming?

- Maybe a whole flock of storks.

I never thought of that.

- Hey, Mike! What...?

- What's happened?

Hey, stop it! Hey, Mike!

What is this?

Will you knock it off. Now, listen...

Larry, what are you...? Mike! Break

it up. Knock it off. What is all this?

Larry, why are you in our house

at this hour?

- Dad, Mom wants you right away.

- Get the car.

I'm hysterical enough without your

help. What's going on around here?

Nothing. That's the whole problem

with your daughter.

Mike! Will you cut it out.

Look at you. You two, are you crazy?

My bike!

You all right?

What happened? Hey, man,

don't you know how to drive?

- Look what you did to my bike.

- My mother's having a baby.

The bike's jammed under the car.

We may never get it loose.

Dad! Mom said they're coming

six minutes apart!

- What are we gonna do?

- Get a crowbar and pry it loose.

- What?

- Not you!

- Daddy, can I go to bed now?

- Of course.

Please, I can't talk to Mother right now.

I've got to talk to somebody.

Well, talk fast.

Well, Larry says he'll never speak

to me again unless I grow up.

He says I'm being ridiculous,

and I don't love him. But I do love him.

- Am I ridiculous?

- You're not being ridiculous.

Well, do all the other girls,

like Larry says?

And am I just being old-fashioned?

The same idiots were passing

the same rumours when I was your age.

If all girls did, how come I always

ended up with ones who didn't?

But it's all different now.

They wrote Fanny Hill in 1742, and they

haven't found anything new since.

- Who's Fanny Hill?

- Go to bed, that's who Fanny Hill is.

- Ready, honey?

- Thank you, dear. Oh, boy, am I ready.

Frank, I think maybe you're

gonna have to help me.

- You all right?

- Yeah, I'm all right, dear.

I know this is a terrible time

to talk about it, but Larry said...

I've got a message for Larry.

You tell him this is what it's all about.

- This is the real happening.

- Come on, Tommy.

If you wanna know what love really is,

take a look around you.

- What are you talking about?

- Take a look at your mother.

- Not now.

- Yes, now.

It's giving life that counts.

Till you're ready for it,

the rest is just a big fraud.

All the crazy haircuts in the world

won't keep it turning.

Life isn't a love- in, it's the dishes

and the orthodontist...

...and the shoe repairman...

...and ground round

instead of roast beef.

I'll tell you something else.

Going to bed with a man

doesn't prove your love.

It's getting up in the morning

and facing the drab, miserable...

...wonderful everyday world

with him that counts.

- Are you all right, Mother?

- Yes, dear.

- Now, you kids get back to bed. Go on.

- Go to bed.

- Good night, Mommy.

- Bye, Mommy. Bye.

You all right?

I suppose having 19 kids

is carrying it a bit too far.

But if we had it to do over,

who would we skip? You?

- All together, now. One, two, three!

- Come on, this is light.

- You got it out?

- God, that's a heavy bike.

- Okay, we got it out, Dad.

- Take it easy.

I'll get your legs.

Thank you, Frank. I never quite knew

how to explain it to her.

If we don't get you to the hospital fast,

the rest of it will be explained here.

See you later, Dad.

- Where's he going?

- Hey, Dad, the hospital is that way!

- Bye!

- Bye!

You'd think that was their first one.

Why don't you get a haircut!

Oh, I'm sorry, Frank,

I'll ask the nurse.

- They won't let the children in.

- I told you, hospital rules.

Could you hold him up

to the window so they can see?

- My husband says they're waiting.

- Of course.

Is my family out there?

Not only the family, he must have

brought the whole neighbourhood.

That neighbourhood is my family.

Honey, you'd better lie down.

And if I were you, I wouldn't get up

for three months.

Is he my brother or your brother?

He's both our brothers.

- Even to a nun, like Sister Mary?

- Even to Sister Mary.

Boy, is he lucky.

Petitioner Francis Louis Beardsley,

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote